Kim,
I am so sorry that you are here and that your husband is not by your side. My wife Rhoda died of cancer in April and this is my first Thanksgiving without her. We were best friends and had only each other (no children). Your daughter might be in a type of shock and she might be trying to be strong for you. Everyone grieves in a different way.
I will not be celebrating Thanksgiving this year with my family for the exact reason you state. I do not feel like being around joyful people when my world has ended.
The pain, anger, sadness and every emotion you are feeling has to come out. Let them out. Over time, you will have moments of relative peace. They will get more frequent and a bit longer, but it takes a long time. You have been deeply hurt and it takes a long time for such a wound to scar over. Others whose loved one has been gone a longer time can tell you about what to expect much later. I am going through this first year and it is Hell on earth.
Please take care of yourself. Now is the time to take care of you. I am sure you cared for your husband as he fought cancer. It is time you put yourself first. Learn to say no to events that might upset you and yes to offers for help.
Come back here often and tell everyone how you are doing. We want to help.
I wish you peace,
tom

Kim and Tom
My wife died after fighting cancer for 5+ years, I know for me that as Caregiver, as Best Friend-Love of my Life-Husband that as you said she is in better place, yet the pain of grief of being left behind is austoundingly huge and over whelming. The only thing holding on to is Her request to me 'please GO on with Life till I join her one day" of course that was said sometime ago....Reality check it is awful.....
I hope you both gentle care for your selves, eat and sleep, and know there is a tomorrow, just does not feel like it NOW....
I will try company of several family members as i can always leave.
Best wishes in the coming days and a moment of sunshine too.
Rick

I lost my husband on October 12th - he had lung cancer. He was my very best friend and I cry everyday. I have a quote by Mother Teresa that I got somewhere I'm not sure where. I have had it hanging on my refrigerator and the wall in my office for almost a year now. Even before my husband got so sick. I won't say that it is comforting so much as it brings me to a mind set that reminds me that this IS life.
Maybe it keeps me level or at the very lest gives me something to contemplate as I try to understand the reason all things happen.
So here it is:
Life is sorrow, overcome it. Life is a song, sing it....Life is a struggle, accept it. Life is tragedy, confront it. Life is an adventure, dare it. Life is luck, make it. Life is too precious, do not destroy it. Life is life, fight for it.
I believe we are all struggling and fighting for this new life we have been given.
Peace and Love to you all

Thank you to those who are still in great pain yet are able to draw on their reserves of caring and hope to give encouragement to others. I am almost three years out from my husband's death and the emotions are not so raw. I had been adopted by my sister's in-laws for some holidays as they all live in my area and my daughter and family are some distance away and it is not always feasible for us to get together. This year, because of some family difficulties, my sister and her daughter and I will have our own small celebration. I guess the lesson is to be adaptable but not push yourself too much. In time, I hope that you are able to tell funny stories or just good memories about your absent loved one as I am (usually) able to do.

SallyMc

Kim,

I am so very sorry for your loss and that you needed to find this group but so glad you did. This is a wonderful place of comfort , support and understanding that has helped me tremendously over the past 3 years. My Jim died of Esophageal Cancer 9.25.09 shortly before his 50th Birthday, after an 18 month courageous battle he was diagnosed 4.08 stage 4 and only went through Chemo. The journey through grief is not easy and no manual exists, whatever you are doing , not doing, and feeling is all your new normal , it does get better in YOUR time and no one else's. It's takes a long time and you must go through the emotional roller coaster . Wish you peace .

I too am sorry you are facing this. But I am glad you found ds - this time is hard, so please take care of yourself. And do not beat yourself up for how you are feeling. It takes a lot of little steps - and many here can share your journey and help you through your thoughts and feelings.

Hugs

I am so sorry for your pain. I know it, I've lived it, and there are times I still feel it. It's not as intense, but it's with me nevertheless.
I was widowed five years ago. The timeline for grieving is different for each of us. I've seen people find a way of living in the first year, it took me three years. Neither is wrong.

Now, at five years, I am in a relationship with a guy I met and truly fell in love with. Does either choice "cure" your loss? No, not really. That "cure" must come from inside you. You have to accept that she/he is gone, accept who you are, what you want for your life, and start anew. There will always be times I miss Don and our life. We shared 40 years of marriage after a high school romance lasting four years. That was my life-centered around "we" and then I became "me".

In time you will become your own "me" & that is when you begin living as you choose to live. Sharon

Thank you all for your understanding & encouraging words, it does give me hope that maybe someday I will feel happiness again & its such a releif to hear from people that understands how Im actually feeling, dont get me wrong ive been blessed with awesome family & friends that have been here for my daughter & myself through everything but No one truly understands unless theyve walked in your shoes & thats why im glad I found this sitekim

Hi always and i am sorry to hear about the passing of your husband. Cancer is such an awful disease and unfortunately so many have been over come by it. I can understand you not wanting to be around happy people at this time. My husband has been gone 3 and 1/2 years and three are some holidays that I don't want to be around people either still .Things will get better in time. If you have close friends reach out to them. DS will have great folks here for you to communicate with. I was also a part of Gilda's club which is for those living with or who have lost someone to cancer. They have many chapters and may be one in your area. That helped me immensely to get a grip and not become totally unglued. See if there is one in your area. my prayers are with you.

Hi Kim,
I am sorry for the death of your husband. I am glad that you found your way here. You will find understanding, support, and kindness here. It has been over 2 years since my husband died and I have times where I am doing pretty well, and other times when I get hit by waves of sorrow. Some of those waves I see coming and try to prepare---the holidays, his birthday, our anniversary---you get the picture, and then other times I get slapped by a big unexpected wave out of the blue---hearing a song, a thought that comes and stays. We were married 38 years and this new life is a hard one, but one I am determined to make the best possible life I can. I'm not on this site very often anymore, but I do try to check in and add to when I feel I can.

The holidays seem to intensify my grief even though I have a great family and supportive friends, I just plain and simply miss my husband. Please rely on this place to give you understanding and to hold you up in times of great despair.

Gentle hugs to you,
Sallie