I browsed through this site for only about 5 minutes...looks like it's for me. Five months ago I lost my husband of 39 years to cancer. He was a gentleman and a gentle man, sweet and courageous. We fought for 2 years. He had been strong and healthy in every other way and I still shake my head that we lost. I read one post about "who am I", hit a chord. I, too, share that feeling of now being special to no one in particular. I had been cherished by my husband same as I felt about him in return. We'd become even closer through his illness. Now, I dunno...it's pretty much just one foot in front of the other, wear a pretend face, go through the motions. I feel isolated in that few can get what this grief demands. I was one of them, I know, before my turn came; however, my understanding this does nothing for my feeling of emotional isolation. I don't physically isolate, but I often feel alone even in the midst of whatever social setting I am in. I do have a question - how do any of you deal with a tear appearing in public? I'm ok with them, but the folks around me hustle to change the subject, change where they're standing, try to make me laugh. All of a sudden, they want to bring in the clowns. I find the expected social behaviors I feel required to exhibit to be exhausting, maddening. What can be done here to make this aspect easier? I need to know this or I'm afraid that physical isolation will start to look like the better option.