Hello Poppies, I am very sorry for you loss. I am also very glad that you found this site. I have been able to openly share my thoughts, feelings steps forward and steps backwards.
I have had the same feelings that I can and will wake up from this nightmare. Reality has set in for me also. Amy died on June 28 of this year.
There is no single right way to walk this path. Take things one step, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. In one support group that I am in, people have asked "What do I do next?" One answer was, "Do the next thing". Take care of and be kind to yourself.
Blessings, Hope, Peace and Prayers for you and for all that are hurting tonight... Mark

Hi Poppies, I am so very sorry for your loss. I do not know how to advise you on being a single parent as my kids are grown with their own kids, but I did want to say I am glad you have found this site. I am new here as well.......my husband died less than six weeks ago. Hopefully we will both find the strength to go on. Sylvia

Thank you so much for your replies. It is such a relief to know I am not alone in this. Yes, Mark, I too try just to focus on just doing the next thing that needs to be done so I don't become overwhelmed by the big picture. Sylvia, I hope we find that strength too. Not being alone in it has already made a difference to my day. Now I feel I have people to talk to who understand. Friends and family are well meaning but I feel they just don't understand.

Here is my theory. When we have true love for our spouse, we become one in our spirits. And when they pass, we lose a very significant part of ourselves (the person inside us, who we really are). I believe we have 3 parts -- spirit, soul (mind, emotions and will), and our body. Our spiritual wound is so significant that it takes much time for it to heal. In the meantime, our emotions take over and run the show. It is just how it is. But you also have a spiritual connection with your children. And that is where your real strength is within you. That is the only explanation I have on how parents that lose their spouse by death are able to carry on. Somehow, parents have the ability to reach way down deep inside and put the needs of the children above everything else -- even your grief. You must allow yourself to grieve, and let your children see you grieve, and help them with their grief. I would think having your own quiet time to grieve alone would also be important. Mothers seem to be good at finding that peaceful place to get themselves centered. You'll be fine eventually. Just give yourself time and lots of it. God bless you ~~~ Scottie

While you feel relieved that he is no longer suffering, the pain of losing him is with you as the constant companion you did not ask for. My kids were 19 and 21 and I appreciate the fact that they were more independent as I don't know how I would have been able to cope. The thing that kept me here and going at first was to lead by example for my children who while considered adults still needed there father's in their life. I kept telling myself that I could not expect to have them cope if I felt apart myself. It is that love for our children that has kept me question how to proceed. It is also that reality that had me tell them from the get go that in order to be there emotionally and physically for them ,I needed to be selfish and put myself first for a while. They benefited from this . I did not ignore them or do actual "selfish" behaviours and always remembered the fact that it was not all about me as my children had lost their dad. But by always keeping the communication open and honest with faux pas here and there, we've managed so far. From the get go, they understood that I needed to built a life for myself and to do so , I started doing things I enjoyed such as sewing, going to the gym and playing cards. It is all overwhelming and at times even suffocating and yes people who are in our age group seem to be set in their life as was I. I would suggest joining activities that would get you out to meet other people and friends. You could look up those meet up groups on line. They are social groups that meet for activities such as hiking, walks, bike rides, bowling, movie night, restaurant, golf etc... I take aqua fit classes and the ladies would stay for a coffee afterwards and it was not long before I was invited along and it gave me a social connection. It is all overwhelming but not impossible. These days I do spend a lot of time with a friend who like me became a widow at the age of 48. We used to be co-workers and did not really socialize together and in fact had not seen each other in years until life brought us in each other's life. We do have similar interest and that helps.

Thanks so much for your thoughts and feedback. I am feeling so much better today. Getting in touch with the forum was a good start to reconnecting with other people and then last night my girls had their confirmation service at church that, while emotional, was very beautiful and uplifting. Have a great week.