Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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New Friendships

Kimberlina
Kimberlina

Going into the 3rd year of this widow world... When talking to new people in my life about something that happened in my past, I have started saying my late husband.  In itself it is weird because he was always early to everything in life.  I have no other way that I know of  explaining my life. Talking about him still makes me very teary.  People in this world just DO NOT understand crying out of nowhere.  It is hard enough to start new friendships when you are older yet alone no longer have your best friend in your life. So first impressions are important.  Do any of you have other suggestion?

raininseattle
raininseattle
Maybe save yourself from going down that rabbit hole all the time. Keep a long version to dear friends and loved ones who don't mind to be there with you when you cry. Keep a short version to everybody else.

"I'm F.I.N.E." comes to mind.
lovesloons
lovesloons
I hear what you're saying and feel the same way. If I meet someone new, I try to give a snippet of my grief and move on. If I explain it too much, I get overcome and teary eyed so I avoid that. I just say I'm moving forward in life but will always miss my best friend, my husband. Then change the subject to something more lighthearted, about nature, the news, how they are, anything to switch my thoughts. Wish I had more suggestions, take care. Jan.
Community Leadercliffskat
cliffskat
I think I just usually say "we" did this or that. Sometimes it's "I" but it can get awkward. I often have to explain at some point, especially since I am an American now remarried to British widower, so people want to know how I wound up in England. We met here in this group - both of us bereaved. Some understand quickly, some don't. Over the years it has gotten easier with practice.

I had 30 years of my life with Cliff. It's not like I can erase my history. I became a widow, I did not enter the Witness Protection Program! As people get to know you, it will feel more natural to talk about your late husband. If the tears hit me, sometimes I just say, "Give me a moment - it will pass." Then I take a deep breath, dry my eyes, and keep going.

Love and Hugs,
Martha
OmaGosh
OmaGosh
I hear you. I sometimes refer to the love of my life as my late husband in conversations with new people because I don't want to make them feel awkward when they ask me about him---questions like "What does your husband do for a living?" Saying that, gets the awkward out of the way for me.
Other times, I'll speak about him in the past tense ("My husband used to do that." or "My husband was like that too.") It's a gentle way of letting people know that he's not here anymore.
I have two jobs now. I'm working outside the home for the first time since we had our first child. I talk about my husband so much, my boss says, "I really wish I could have known your husband! He sounds like such a great guy!"
And that gives me joy.