i hear ya..something about tonight. absolutely miserable and missing my wife so much tonight.. was "ok" until i tried to go to sleep...then a wave of grief smashed me...gonna be a long night i think..

hang in there..

I guess I'm not "alone" in the wee hours of the morning . . . :) or :( . . not sure what's good or bad these days, simply trying not to judge. When I get good sleep, it's like a drug . . can't get enough of it. Yet, I can't sleep 24/7 . . so here I am responding to the other insomniacs tonight at 4:00 a.m. my time.

Martin, I understand "invisible" . . exactly how I feel. Non-entity and I'm playing with the role quite well. Most days I'm under cover, either in bed or when out in disguise with ball cap on and glasses. Flying under the radar, not wanting to be noticed or talked to. WTH? Again, trying not to judge or analyze self and life. Strange days indeed.

On a brighter note, as I do try to keep it positive, I had a shower today! :) Met with my attorney, probate court, bank, little errands. I actually got out of the house in full regalia! Sometimes we have to fake it til we make it.

Sorry you guys are hurting out there tonight. Just know you're not alone. Sleepless in Schwartzville. xo

I too remember those first days and weeks and even months when I felt like I had a big neon sign. I thought everyone was looking at me feeling sorry for me or thinking how pathetic I was. I hated it. I don't let that grip me most days now. I am just me, a lot sadder, but I am still a person, valuable to God, and hopefully to society in some small way and really do I think people are looking and thinking about me? They are mostly only thinking about themselves. I am not the focus of their lives or thoughts. I think I got over myself LOL

I think at first we feel horribly conspicious. Oh my Gosh, I have no spouse in a world of couples. There is a Scarlet W embroidered on my chest. Then, as my mother told me when I was five, we realize, oh no one really notices, they are all just more interested in themselves. That is when the invisability kicks in. And it hurts because we used to have someone with whom we were always important.

The bright note is that balance finally does return and you become visible again. You poke your head out of your shell, when you are ready, and some people take notice and say so glad you are here! It just takes time. I am not the girl in her 20's who took attention as her due, or the woman in her 30s who was proud to be by her husband. I am now that funny lady in her 40s who is proud to be herself. Looking forward to being that eccentric old doll in her eighties who does whatever she damn well wants!

Hugs,

Val

Let's see; I'm not 20, 40 or even 80......But, I am realizing that I don't "suck" so much at being alone.....I'm actually damn good at it, it seems. Pretty good for a gal who was raised with 5 brothers and sisters and then was expected to make a home with her husband at age 19.

Martin, your personality is so easy to read and your words actually made me smile. I must admit I was a "leaner" too! I've fallen over many times, too many to brag about and enough to be embarrassed about!

I loved being part of a team, a duo, a pair, buddies, best friends.....and, so much more!!!!! I miss holding his hand at every moment I could. He seemed to like it too. I loved stroking the back of his neck and kissing his ears. I miss him so!

Yes, I feel the loneliness with you.

Roz

In the 7 years without my husband I went through the "obviously alone with a neon sign and the invisible stage. You will work your way through both and become the capable person you are.

I know I lost myself willingly to be Don's wife and mother to my /our children. But the children grew up and the husband died, leaving who? We are the child our parents raised and the woman /man who married them and now we stand alone all of these people in one. Seek out what you want and begin living it. Changing your mind is allowed and build your own adventure. Baby steps to move in whatever path you choose. Sharon

I sometimes feel like I'm the only one who feels this way...I'm glad and, at the same time, sad that I'm not. The neon sign I wore for months has dissolved into invisibility now too...amazing how many of us have that super power these days. Sometimes I wish someone would notice and care...but most of the time, I'm thankful to fly under the radar too. Not sure which is worse actually. Something definitely in the air tonight...feeling overwhelmed with sadness and loss here.

Hugs to all...

I get waht you mean here. The widow sign. I felt that way for a while and realized I really didn't care what people thought about me or what image I present. AS for being invisible; there is no reason to feel like you have to sit in a corner where no one can come near you. Make yourself heard. If no one takes time to listen then that is their loss...not yours.

Maggie

I was a single Mother of four when I met my husband. I had been independent and in control. My two oldest were in college and two at home. I had to step back many times after marrying him and not take charge and get whatever needed to be done, done. Through the 36 years I learned to let him take care of the important things and he became someone I could depend on. Now after seventeen months without him, I am back to being independent, but it is so different, because I don't want to be. I am 75 years old and I thank God for my daughters who have been very supportive. My sons are on opposite ends of the country and don't visit often, but are very helpful, financially. I never thought I would miss him so much, but I am determined to thrive, not just survive. My prayers to all of you.

all my life I have felt special about my self. I loved god and life and felt loved back. problems my mom died 6 mo later husband died put life on hold because son was dieing. 2013 had stent open heart surgy and son and I was in after hospital care together when he died. know I have always been strong but not that srtong. got out of place where being taken care of because had to bury son. had problems with memory . had to learn to walk, just all senses. every thing is ok now. I became totally angry even god.asked god for forgiveness last night feel mentaly and physcialy fine. totally in deat but working on this. I now can laught at me and my dogs

I know where you are Martin. I've been there too. Like Val said, at timesiI've felt like i had a scarlet "W" on my shirt or maybe I was wearing sackcloth , ringing a bell and shouting "unclean, unclean". Then came the invisibility. There was an odd comfort in that. After a year now I find I can turn it off more and more easily. Not so much in group settings yet but I'm finding that one on one situations seem to happen often and quite spontaneously. To my surprise, I find it enjoyable and comforting. Life goes on if we let it.

Still in that somewhat conspicuous stage but making an effort. I took my 3yo grandson out for breakfast this morning. First time just him and me. Realized after a while that no one was paying attention to us. When you haven't suffered a loss you are much more oblivious to the world around you. Had the first family get together last weekend that wasn't a funeral/memorial. It went better than I expected. I think we're the ones that put the sign on our ourselves as the grief is so all consuming. Our world has been turned upside down. Sadly, the rest to the world really doesn't care. Have to admit it's easier to stay upbeat here in the AZ desert with temps in the 70's! Liz