Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I lost my dear husband Stephen last Friday, he was in the hospital for 11 days, we thought things would turn around until the 10th day, he was newly diagnosed with MDS and had an infection due to low blood counts, he was 56 years old, I am 52 and we would be married 30 years in March. I have two grown sons on in medical school and one an architect, who has moved back home and will stay with me until I decide what I will do. My mornings are horrible it takes me most of the morning and a little past noon to start up then the rest of the day is not so bad, until of course. Have a melt down and cry and feel as though I can't move or breath. I miss him so much, we we starting to plan all kinds of empty nest things and we were together so long I'm not sure how to move along without him, I grew up with him. He was the best husband, father, employer, friend, etc. The amount of flowers, cards, baskets, etc have taken over my home, it's great and miserable at the same time. I know it is very soon to feel anything but grief and sadness, but what can I expect to happen two weeks, one month, four months, etc from now. This hurts so bad.
I can understand your thoughts. I am 55. I consider myself relatively young to be a widow, but that is about the average age.
This is all so fresh for you. Be patient with yourself. I stayed in the house for probably for 2 -3 weeks. I did attend Christians services though. I didn't do much else. I accepted help for friends and family, and received visitors. I didn't feel like doing thank you cards. I had someone do that for me. I had very little appetite, and to be honest I eat now, but don't feel like cooking much.
When you have such a severe loss, you need to schedule an appointment with your doctor as soon as possible to get a checkup. Let the doctor know what happened in your life. You are now on a journey to heal. Please be patient with yourself.
I know it hurts....it will. You have experienced the most traumatic experience in your life. I'm here to encourage you if you need a friend. Unfortunately, I'm one year ahead of you in the grieving process.
You may experience flashbacks, that's normal. But do not isolate yourself, start to accept invitations from friends. If you can find someone, that is a good listener that will help you.
Just remember, you are not alone, even if your heart initially tells you so.
May you have peace.
Christine
It sounds as though you have a good support system. But what can you expect to happen from now on? For each of us it's different and yet hauntingly the same. All I can say is to take your own time, be it marked in months, years, or never. Take care of yourself,,,if you need to cry, cry, no matter where you are; if you need to sleep, then sleep. I know it sounds hollow, but as time goes by the excruciating pain will not go away completely but it will get easier to bear. Trust me. Right now, just let things happen...for as long as it takes.
We've all been where you are and it's a shame this wonderful group of people have to meet like this...but I, personally, am so glad they are here. Lean on them, talk to them, at least you're among souls who understand exactly where you are. (((((violet)))))
Marilyn
Try to keep yourself busy. Join a gym or a support group. I've been coming here now for a couple of weeks. I cry everytime I read the discussion but they say crying is part of the healing process, I miss him so much as I met him 50 years ago and we were married for almost 43 years. The first month I was numb and the Christmas came and went by fast. I'm hoping that this group can help with the healing process. Keep coming here and maybe we'll help one other.
Christine
When we are in shock we need to remember to breathe, to rest when we can rest, to eat when we can force ourselves to eat, to allow ourselves to "just be" because the initial shock hits us like a freight train.
What you can expect is too much to even begin to comprehend at this time. It is a roller coaster ride of feelings and emotions for a very very long time. For me it felt like my world was turned upside down and my life was turned to ashes and rubble. I never ever thought I would survive without my husband.
And now here I am 3 years, and 9 months later to tell you that it does get better....I promise.
Hang in there and know that every single thing that you feel is the right thing for you to feel considering your world has been turned upside down. You are not going insane.
People here understand. Hang in there and give yourself big hugs from all of us here on DS. Please come here often..okay...
(((((hugs)))))
-Diana
What to expect - like is always said - a roller coaster. For me it was up and down - went through periods I felt better then went down again - unpredictable. Lots of changes in friends - very disappointing for me - but I'm making new friends. Slowing things get better. It has been 3 years now for me. I still think about him and our life and everything that happened - all the time. But they are good memories and I don't get upset or feel bad. Okay - sometimes I do - but I have a different life and a different future. I had to accept that - and that will take time.
As you can see - many people are on here after 3 years and 5 years - most of us have found a comfort in knowing and communicating with others in the same position. Soo sorrry.