Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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backtomiss 04/29/2017

My husband died unexpectedly at the end of March. He was only 34 years old. We had been together since I was 18, and we had been married for 5 and a half years. I'm sad, and angry, and I miss him so terribly. I'm 30 years old, no kids. About a month before my husband died, I had left my full time job to try to start my own small business. I can't afford to do that now. I had to ask for my old job back. Which feels like a form of torture in itself. How could I possibly have time to worry about going back to work when I feel like a part of me died too? I don't know how to be around people right now. I can't look people in the eye, and for some reason it's like I have some sort of embarrassment about everything. Like, I'm embarrassed for people to see me so miserable. I go through spurts where I feel like I can get through a few sentences without crying. But for the most part I'm a zombie. Alternating between not wanting to talk or do anything, and crying uncontrollably. I miss him so much. People tell me to take it a "minute/hour/day" at a time. But even that feels overwhelming right now. I keep feeling like I have so many things going through my brain, but I can't remember half of what I think. It's like there's a fog over everything, and unless I write something down right away, chances are that I'm going to forget about it.

I also don't know where I stand with the whole idea of what happens to a person when they die. I've never been very religious but I always felt like there's "something." What happened to him? Will I see him again? Can he see me now? I'm so desperate to hear or see him again. His death was so unexpected, and it's almost like I can't convince myself that this is all real. I still love him so much. I need him. I don't know how to get through everything. Before he was gone I used to think I was a capable woman, but now I feel so helpless. I would give anything to have him back.

Mamza 04/29/2017

I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is very complicated and has many ugly stages. Reading through the many posts here helped me a lot and I hope it can offer you the same comfort, just knowing that you are not alone in this. All of us on this board totally gets where you at. Do you have family or close friends that can help you out with house work and especially prep meals for you? You have to eat and keep hydrated. One day @ a time indeed. Please take care of yourself. Sending lots of prayers and hugs to you.

backtomiss 04/29/2017

Thank you. I do have people who are willing to help with those things. But I just don't want to see anyone. My husband died at home and in a way I just want to be here with him still. It's like I'm trying to keep him to myself somehow. I know that sounds weird.

debbielu 04/29/2017

Nothing is weird when one goes through the loss of a loved one. We all deal with this on our own terms. No judgement. No right or wrong. Just be gentle, kind to yourself. Cry as often as you can. Get the pain out, if only for that moment. I still bury my face in my husbands clothes still in the closet. That is where I keep him to myself. He's been gone since January. We are all here sharing our loss. It helps to know we are not alone. You are not alone. Hope to hear from you again. Prayers and hugs to you.

Gatormom 04/29/2017

Sorry for your loss. What you are experiencing is expected and normal, so don't be so hard on yourself. Coming here was the right place to come.

regwin 04/29/2017

I'm so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I can feel your pain. I felt just as you're feeling. It is such a confusing time. I found a bereavement group. I found
comfort by going to the meetings. Every one here at Daily Strength has had a loss. They truly care and are here for you. I wish you Peace and strength. Hugs, Dolores

Sadwidow16 04/30/2017

Hi sweetie my husband died age 44 in oct 2016. Today I cried for hours. What helped was to 1 talk to his mom we comfort each other cry together. Everything your feeling and going thru sounds like me. We were married 15 yrs. I miss him so much and I want a chance to tell him I loved him. It's hard and I think we have to feel our way what feels right for us. I will talk to you anytime.

camsam330 04/30/2017

I'm sorry for your loss. My partner died in January 2016, and he was 36. Similar to you, we've been together since we were 16 yo. Yes, be kind and gentle to yourself. There is no measuring stick to how you should be feeling. It's not even a process, no start or end or sequence to events.
For me, gowing to grief support group really helped me. I have a hard time talking to friends and family, because at my age, no one had gone through the same thing as me. Grief group allowed me a forum to express my feelings without feeling like I was being judged. Or feeling bad that I was making people feel down.
Hang in there and cry it out as much as you want.

TooMuch 04/30/2017

i am so sorry for your loss. everything you are feeling and experiencing is normal, so try not to worry about that.

vwidow 04/30/2017

Backto I live or have lived through almost all of your statements/feelings/questions.. My husband was lost 3 months ago today. We were married 6yrs 2mos. We married only around 6 mos. after meeting. It takes faith even to believe in "something." That some thing's name is Jehovah. His word gives light. Yet we still want to know specifics like where our loved ones are right now and are they safe? Plus the other things you asked. All I know is that God will have mercy on whom he will, and that he is just and that he is love. We can only wait and keep living as best we know how. Before my husband died I also felt strong and capable--it was especially for him (and because of him) when he was in the hospitals. Now my being strong feels meaningless and unnecessary, except for his family and they won't mourn with me. My husband was the only one I had in his family, so this is even more lonely and sad. Fyi here are some bible passages dealing with salv ation/being born again. Acts 2:38 Acts 22 : 16 Mark 16 : 16 Galatians 3 : 27 Revelation 1 : 5. Goodnight.

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