Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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glad18 02/18/2014

Hi everyone.
I don't post much but come here for strength everyday. March 6 is my husband, Joseph's, birthday. He would have been 50...the big 5 O, he said last year after he turned 49. March 21 marks the first year since I lost him, the love of my life. I still struggle, going through the motions of surviving each day but without a sense of purpose or direction. The pain is much too deep. I miss him so much, I don't know how I got through this year. Lately, I've been crying more...I guess, dreading those two important dates. I know that you all understand.

dl1959 02/18/2014

Im so sorry for your loss. I hear the 2nd year can be harder than 1st year.
Im just beggining 2nd year. Our wedding anniversary is March 6th. All those firsts are so hard. I wish i had some answers for you. We are all struggling through this together.

Hugs
Diane

matthew90 02/18/2014

I will pray for you tonight. I just passed the 7 month mark, and going through the motions seems to be a common theme for so many of us. Maybe that is all we can do right now, stay busy as we can, maintain a routine that allows us some time to grieve, and wait and hope for some interest and passion for life to return. I have accepted that sadness will be a part of my life for a long time. That being said, we must try to share some light moments with those we love that are still in this world with us. We also can take solace in the assurance that we will be with our spouses again, and from that day forward, never be apart from them again. Comfort and a hug to you :
Robert

deleted_user 02/18/2014

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am coming up on the first anniversary, too: March 7. .

I totally understand what you are saying. My husband and I had a lot of separate interests, and we both worked at jobs that took a lot of our time. But everythig we did -- together or separately -- gained meaning by sharing it with each other. Now, I go through some of the motions of life, but everything is flat and without that spark. He was truly the light of my life.

I wish I had an answer, but it is just so hard.

I hope you will feel better after the dates have passed.

Best,
DorothyJoan

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sandeestttn 02/18/2014

matthew, well said..

I am just over a year (feb 11th)... I will add you to my prayers..
Sandee

Livingbyfaith 02/19/2014

This is so sad, I know how you feel. My only hope is stay busy and get out of the house. I would rather just retreat but know he died so that I may live.

deleted_user 02/19/2014

My husband birthday is March 5th. Last year my husband was to sick to celebrate his birthday. We would joke that on his next birthday we would have a big birthday and liver party. This will not happen. Not sure what I will do. I feel your pain. Hugs and prayer millerb

asarivg12 02/19/2014

I don't really see how the second year could be worse than the first.

I can only speak from experience with my daughters death. The first six months after that were the most difficult of my life. I'm not saying that everything was fine that second year, but it was not nearly as difficult as that first six months was.

You have to do a lot of work to get better, it's not going to happen just by turning the pages of a calendar.

deleted_user 02/19/2014

You are right...we do understand and sometimes that can make the weight just a little lighter. I am sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 12 days before his 50th birthday. My kids and I started a tradition of writing a note to him, attaching it to a balloon and letting it go at his gravesite. It is a painful day, and I'm afraid there will be many more, but we are here to support you.

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