You wish list sounds exactly like mine -- I understand.

I totally get your "need to" list . . .

First off . . you have two good legs, get a small ladder or step stool and hang your plants.

Second, take time to pamper yourself on weekends, or even smaller increments during the work week. You deserve it!!

Thirdly, you can control the cleanliness of your apartment and car! Nike . . just do it!

Forthly . . give your dog a pat on the head and a good walk . . it will work wonders for both of you!!

You will get your paperwork done . . you will sleep. Believe it and own it . . . intent and desire . . all comes together.

Sending you much encouragement to accomplish your goals. Hugs, D

well let's see....

I'm too short for the step ladder on the porch, tried and it was laughable. I llive on the second floor and if I went up any higher...bad, bad, bad or I would end up on the ground. Never mind waist would have been over the railing height, I would need to get on the top step on the step ladder with the railing at ankle height while leaning over. Would not have been a smart move.

I try to get in the pampering time on the weekends, but need to get Mom settled from her time in the hospital / rehab. I am her primary caretaker so this is not something that will be relegated to someone else nor do I care to. She also has been widowed herself for only about 18 months and in her mid-eighties so sometimes it is priorities.

Dog does get nice long walks in the park (well as much she can for her age), rides in the car and basically goes visiting anywhere i do and is with me all day while I work. Unfortunately, she is still mourning and has to work a lot of this out on her own. SHe is pacing now as I type even though we just came in.

The paperwork is on my mind because after only 2 1/2 months I am already getting collection notices on medical bills and have already goine through both my HFA/HFA accounts for this year. So I do have to get to these things done sooner rather than later.

You are right I can control the cleanliness on my environment and my original intent was to focus on my self and my environment but then Mom needed her surgery approx 2 weeks after my husband passed and my priorities needed to change.

I thnk you meant well but, I came here to vent and even stated that I am venting in my post and I am surprised that it feels like you are telling me to buck up. I need rest and I am trying to push through my exhaustion while juggling all else. Yes, I am well aware I am not the only one with a heavy load here which is why I thought here of all places it would have been understood.

Eventually, it will all slow down and I will wonder why I wished it would. This is when I know I will miss him more, even though right now it does not feel that it will be possible.

Need to pull my head out of my ass and deal with this more effectively...
Need to get off my ass and start cleaning the house...
Need to build time machine so I can go back to a better time, before this happened...
Well..as far as actually completing this list, I guess 2 out of 3 'ain't bad...

Oh Mary . . I'm so sorry. I didn't intend to judge or tell you to buck up. I simply wanted to encourage you. I am truly sorry that my good intentions were taken differently. I know you have a lot on your plate and early grief is maybe not the right time for a pep talk. Vent away my friend and I'll try to be more gentle in future with my response(s). I certainly didn't mean to upset you. Please forgive . . and I do understand. Hugs, D

Mary, most days if I get up, brush hair and teeth, shower and feed the furbabies I have done my job......all I can take on right now.

I don't understand how the world can go on when mine has basically stopped.

Hugs to you
Jen

Oh that horrible first year. I just wanted to get off the never ending merry go round. And since I was always Ms. super competent, people just expected me to cope with no issue. Try to take a deep breath, take five minutes, (not the five hours you desperately need) and enjoy that cup of coffee. See if you can prioritize some of the paperwork, because it does seem like a mountain, and chip away bit by bit. I have small step ladders in the kitchen and in the upstairs storage closet so I can reach! It sucks being short.
Hugs,
Val

Back in the 70's I used to say. Stop the world, I want to get off!!... now I am just trekking along with the rest of the world, but slower.

Mary, I'm so sorry for your loss, it's heartbreaking to lose our spouse.
Regarding the paperwork ... mountains of it, right?
I got a bunch of folders and labeled them, pension, Social Security, life insurance, funeral, attorney, etc.
I kept all paperwork in its corresponding folder. I wrote down the name of every person I talked to, along with the date.
I kept the folders on my dining room table, so I knew everything was at my fingertips.
When everything was resolved I moved the folder to a plastic bin.
Now the bin is in the closet.
It helped me to keep things organized. I feel a lot better without clutter. I'm not as stressed when I know where everything is.
Sending you hugs,
Janie