I'm afraid you are not alone on this one...I go to bed and sleep deep wonderful sleep for 30 minutes, then its fitful sleep and awake hourly...melatonin helps...

I went through this during the first month after Meredith passed away. I am in month 2 now and while I still have some sleepless nights it is getting better. As Mainhealingheart said Melatonin might be helpful, you can also talk to your doctor and look into a sleeping aid.

I personally decided against anything because I wanted to learn how to deal with it. At first I could not sleep because she was always there when I closed my eyes. Now I see our 15 years of marriage and my love for her in my sleep. This is when I feel closest to her and am sleeping more at ease because I know she is with me then.

You have my prayers,
John

Just give it time, for the first month, I didnt sleep. So 4 hours really isnt all that bad, with what your enduring. Be gentle on youself, ive yourself a month more or so, then go into the doctor and she might prescribe melatonin, its a natural sleep aid, or you can try tylenol pm, it has helped in the past. In time it will get better. Much love and big hugs carla

At first I slept like you.......then I started sleeping really well with a 50mg Benadryl before I went to sleep. Now, I'm at almost 3 years and I can't sleep again.

I will suddenly wake up after about 4 1/2 hours with sad thoughts and weepiness. My doctor said it's all part of the process. And, she felt that again my body would fall into a good awake and asleep pattern on its own. I hope so! I don't do well with the lack of sleep!

I hope your sleeping rhythms become more normal for you too!

Roz

It helps to have a calming routine before bed. That means no tv or internet for an hour before bed, if you read make it something that relaxes you, not something intense.

A cup of chamomile tea - you can get it in the herbal tea sections at the supermarket - 30 to 60 minutes before bed can also help you relax enough to get some decent sleep. It has no drug interactions and won't leave you groggy in the morning. The only caution I know of is if you have an allergy to chrysanthemums as they are in the same plant family. Otherwise, no problems. Celestial Seasonsings made one called Sleepytyme.

The over the counter sleep stuff like Nytol, Sominex, and Tylenol PM, all contain the same active ingredient as Benedryl - diphenhydramine. I used the children's generic version - it is half the dosage of the adult - 25mg instead of 50 mg - and that was usually enough. Because it is an antihistamine, it can further dry you out on top of all the crying, so make sure during the day that you are drinking extra water. Dehydration can create muscle cramps and make sleep more difficult, and it contributes to foggy thinking.

A snack of turkey or peanut butter on crackers will help, as can warm milk. The turkey and peanut butter contain tryptophan - it makes you sleepy (ever wonder why everybody gets sleepy after Thanksgiving dinner? It's the turkey.) The milk contains extra calcium, which aides natural sleep.

There are herbal versions of Nytol - the standard herbal mix has Valerian root and hops in it. I find those help me sleep but not all night. I wake up halfway through the night - like wide-awake - so those didn't work for me. It does work for others.

Things to avoid: Nothing with caffeine after mid-afternoon - no coffee, tea, Dr. Pepper, cola. No late night sweets - it will mess with your blood sugar. I found alcohol helped me to get to sleep, but didn't keep me asleep, and the fallout the next day I definitely did not need. Best avoided.....

Exercise during the day not late as it keeps your body revved up two to three hours afterwards. A walk during the day, even just around the block, will help you sleep and maintain a good day-night rhythm, but exercise in the evenings tends to do the opposite. I used to walk on my coffee breaks at work, which also helped me to deal with the stress on my job (and the stressful people I worked with!).

You might need some temporary measures, too. I slept with all the lights on the first month - yeah, my electric bill was huge, but it was what I needed at the time.

My sister gave me a "body pillow" - it's basically a long bolster pillow - like 4 feet long - for the other half of my bed. I was so used to sleeping with my husband that after 30 years I couldn't sleep without something there to bump into. That sounds kooky, but it helped. I also slept wrapped up in Cliff's old bathrobe.

Stress vitamins - i.e., B-complex, along with calcium, and vitamin D, can improve the quality of your sleep, too. I had to take mine at lunch, however, as the B's in particular amp me up.

I am sorry you are going through this. We've all been there. I hope some of these suggestions help and you are able to get some decent rest.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Hi Jill, I began a reply to your question and it turned lengthy and got into depression. So I made a post entitled "Living the HEE HAW Song" on the main board and maybe you'll find something in it that is of help. I am enjoying reading what you write, and look forward to getting to know you. ~~~ Scottie

I don't have any good advice, but after 2 yrs and 3 mth I still don't have good sleep habits. I don't like night time, because I have a significant hearing loss. It gets dark, so I leave lights on in every room. Add that to losing my husband, and my best sleeping hours are from 4 am to noon. I am not able to work, so it is okay. I asked my doctor about this, and it's my schedule - she's okay with it. There are nights that I don't sleep at all. I used to wake up not able to breath. But, it was related to something else. It made me much more anxious, and I hated waking up for a long time, because I was scared and wanted my husband. The walls closed in on me. I have oxygen at night now with my CPAP, but it is an on going thing. I wonder if it ever goes away. It seems anything that causes anxiety makes me restless and lonely.

I think you have to listen to all the answers here. There are many ways to deal with what you are going through. You just have to keep trying until you find something that works for you. It seems this is a fairly normal problem, like anything is ever really normal feeling right now. I tried melatonin, warm milk, visualization, meditation and various other ideas. Getting a new kitten was the answer for me. Now when I wake up in the middle of the night this sweet face is looking at me with an expression that seems to say "Are you okay?" He then snuggles down under the covers and purrs me back to sleep. I'm not recommending everyone get a kitten. I'm just saying you need to keep trying until you find something that works for you.

I have the same waking up problem and it's been over a year since he passed away. I am always excited to see the daylight of morning. I think it might be kind of normal and you have my empathy! I live in the country and don't quite want to move to town yet, so imagine my experience: last night 3 a.m. a huge pack of howling LOUD coyotes went thru the woods next to my bedroom window. I was thinking at least I'm all warm and locked in for the night. Starting to sleep (but lightly then), at 3:20 a.m., I heard the automatic garage door go up! yikes!!! It reminded me of when my husband came home and when I heard the garage door, I was happy he was home. Not only was this thought sad, but I crept to the window and the yard was lit up! The garage light goes on when the door goes up. Don't think I slept real well the rest of that night! I guess one of my door openers imust be faulty/worn out. I took all the batteries out and went to bed. lol

I take some comfort in knowing it's not just me. I've always been a good sleeper but I am really struggling since my husband died. Benadryl works for me but I'm afraid of using it long term. Melatonin doesn't really work for me but I may not be using it correctly. Someone just told me if you keep the lights on after taking it (I usually read) it may have the opposite effect. I made an appointment with my doctor. I don't see how it will be possible to go back to work when I'm sleeping so poorly.

I know this doesn't help, but I'm sleeping much better than I have in years. My wife was a very light sleeper. She would wake up at the slightest noise or disturbance, and she always claimed she was disrupting my sleep. Sure enough, I'm generally sleeping full nights for the first time in decades.

Of course I had some sleepless nights early on, and Martha offers outstanding advice in that regard. I find that drinking liquids before bed is a good way to guarantee a bad night. A movie or TV show immediately before bed can also fire up thoughts and keep the sandman away. Tylenol PM works wonders. I can testify to that.

I take 1 Benadryl and 1 extra strength Tylenol about 30 minutes before bed. A doctor recommended this and Benadryl does not make me groggy in am as it only lasts a few hours. Also no caffeine after lunchtime. Occasionally use Sleepytime calming herb teas. I like the TV on harmless programs and choose shows about nature or house hunters. I do not like dark and have nightlights in all rooms.
After Johnny passed, I had the same problem as other grieving members here-- I woke up a few hours after retiring. That was when the bad memories replayed so I started using headphones &TV.
I think sleeping pills work for some, but I was unable to tolerate them.
MarthaJean