I'm proud of you Gail! You did make it two years and you survived. Everything else you will deal with in time at your own pace. You don't have to answer to anyone. The rings were a big step. His stuff will be next. I too need to go through the closet as well. When my Mom died I grabbed all of her clothes at once and donated them. I was glad that I did it so fast as it seemed to help the healing. I was extremely close to her and it nearly killed me but I too survived of course with the help of my dear husband. This now...is so different. At first I thought that I'd take my time with his closet. But now here it is 5 months later and I'm thinking that maybe I should have just done it quickly in the beginning. Its just that with each darn shirt there's a story. He wasn't a fancy dresser but a very colorful dresser. So I need to buckle down and just do it. Even now his winter coats, which I completely forgot about need to be gone through. Who knows what are in the pockets. But honestly as the fog clears a bit I think I'm realizing that it worse keeping the clothes here. It's turning from what used to be a comfort to something painful to see each day. I can't keep walking by them ignoring them.
Plus I understand that first thing in the morning feeling of a sinking stomach. I feel it a lot too. I can't stay in bed either as that's really when the memories start to flow and the worries of running the house alone flood my brain.
And the family? No one knows unless they loose a beloved spouse. No one.
I don't want to bring you down Gail. This actually started as a compliment to your strength! I guess what I really want you to know is that you're not alone. We all feel what you describe. Our lives will never be the same but we need to just make another chapter.
Love and strength to you always!
Darcie

You are at a time where the reality hits that they are truly gone, or that's how I felt hitting the 2nd year. I was left with the question of now what? I found it especially hard, because my heart still wanted him back, but my head knew that wouldn't be.

I'm with you, my friend. Sharon

Well, Gail, getting through two years is a real milestone. I know it hasn't been easy, but you made it!

I haven't gotten around to going through my husband's things yet, but I think I need to do it soon. I'm pretty sure I'll need to wait until after the holidays are over.

I also know that sick feeling in the stomach.....sometimes it lasts through the day. What do you do when you get up at 4:00 in the morning? I need some suggestions to help me get out of bed earlier because the longer I lounge there, the more the memories come flooding in.

I am at 9 months and the family and friends (other than my kids) have moved on and think I have too. They just don't understand. If not for everyone here, I don't know where I would turn.

It sounds like you're moving forward step by step. Keep us posted on how you're doing. We're all here for you!

Hugs,
Linda

Big hugs to you Gail for making it two years. I haven't removed my rings or gone through my husband's things. At just over seven months, it's just to soon for me! His things are not what's cluttering my life right now. And I know I will face these things with time. I too understand that sinking feeling in the stomach. Can happen any time for me. Our home is my comfort zone, but it can also be a torture chamber with all the memories! And the more tired I become, the more emotional I am. Keeping busy helps, but there are days when just getting off the couch is hard. When I am alone with my thoughts I can really get wound up, the missing, the grieving, the fear of this life is so unknown. We must get through this and it is so helpful to come here a see that others are making it. Slowly but surely we all will. Hugs and Love, Michele

I'm just short of the two year mark and the place Sharon describes here is where I am. In our grief and even as we find the pieces of this new life and begin to put them together it's often difficult to see or give ourselves credit for the progress we really are making. You're seeing things you need to do and you're moving forward. You're also here, talking to people who care and understand. I wish I had the answer to the "waking up at 4 AM" problem. I'm still working on that. For now I just get up and go out to my workshop. Plenty of stuff in there to keep my head busy.
~John

That 2 year mark. As Sharon says "now what?" That's how I felt as well. The sinking feeling does go and I've stopped hugging his pillow as well.

My rings are on my other hand. I tried to remove them a couple of times, but always put them back. Then I decided to just stick them on my right hand. They're still there, but not on the "married hand." Whatever.

As far as getting rid of his things - I found it was a gradual process. Good suits and things he hadn't worn years went first. Then regular clothes. One day I packed up his winter coats and some of mine that I no longer wanted - cuddled them up together and sent them down the GoodWill bin with a kiss and a prayer.

I still have his hankies, eye glasses, a couple of Tshirts I will never part with and his bathrobe. No rush. They still bring me comfort hanging in the closet or packed in a special drawer (and it's been 5 years).

Good luck and lots of hugs - the pain will lessen.

I look at his stuff that I didn't give away or throw out......it's still a closet full and I realize that it's HIS stuff. Albums from his high school days, pictures of him and some of the two of us. Magazines with articles that he wrote, books with poetry that he wrote. HIS STUFF. What do I do with it all. The kids don't want it and there's so much.

If I throw his stuff away, I'm throwing him away!

I still wear my wedding rings, I can't take them off! It's been 2 1/2 years, when will I take ownership of the bookcases, shelves filled with his stuff and take off my rings?

I guess the day I remove my rings and donate or throw away his books will be either a very liberating or monumentally sad time for me!

Gail, I don't know if it makes you feel any better to know that there's so many of us going through the exact same experiences as we face our loss.

Roz