Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
To those who have spoken to the use of the initials DH (dear husband) & DW (dear wife), I understand your feelings about using the names of our spouses. I, too, want to speak and hear my husband's name. In the presence of friends and family, his name is spoken with freedom and with fond memories, and often. However, I have a different opinion with regard to using his name on Web sites where there is a possibility of disreputable lurkers. Honestly, I don't think that's an issue at all on DS, but I started using preventative measures shortly after my DH died and have chosen to continue with this policy. I also am aware that lurkers may be potential hackers with the knowledge of how to trace a profile back to surnames and addresses. For that reason, I set up a pseudo name for a second email address for most sites that request that type of information, and I choose to not mention my name or the name of my DH with only a few exceptions.
Call me paranoid, but with some experience with IT people and knowing the possibilities of just a few clicks, my choice is apparent. For those people with whom I've built a friendship on sites or those I've met in person, I have absolutely no problem offering my given name, surname, and the name of my hubby. It's the other possibilities that concern me.
Most of us on DS live alone, and for women that presents its own set of security issues. That being my case as well, I take as many precautions as possible to protect my person and status. Case in pointsince I live in the country, if I am driving home late at night and notice that a car has followed me from the city (pretty easy to notice b/c of where I live), I drive past my lane and take a detour around the country roads to see if the vehicle continues to follow me. I'm all for safety first. When I am in my house, I want to know that I have used every safeguard to feel secure on my property. My 38 Saturday Night Special also helps quite a bit :>)
I wanted to add another side of the issue of using names and where it is safe to do so. Sometimes I relent and use my name, but I try to not make a practice of it. Thanks for listening to another view of this sensitive topic. I certainly understand that not all feel as I do. Please know that this post was not meant to hurt, scare, or offend any of the dear people who are on DS. It's simply another opinion. TJ
Call me paranoid, but with some experience with IT people and knowing the possibilities of just a few clicks, my choice is apparent. For those people with whom I've built a friendship on sites or those I've met in person, I have absolutely no problem offering my given name, surname, and the name of my hubby. It's the other possibilities that concern me.
Most of us on DS live alone, and for women that presents its own set of security issues. That being my case as well, I take as many precautions as possible to protect my person and status. Case in pointsince I live in the country, if I am driving home late at night and notice that a car has followed me from the city (pretty easy to notice b/c of where I live), I drive past my lane and take a detour around the country roads to see if the vehicle continues to follow me. I'm all for safety first. When I am in my house, I want to know that I have used every safeguard to feel secure on my property. My 38 Saturday Night Special also helps quite a bit :>)
I wanted to add another side of the issue of using names and where it is safe to do so. Sometimes I relent and use my name, but I try to not make a practice of it. Thanks for listening to another view of this sensitive topic. I certainly understand that not all feel as I do. Please know that this post was not meant to hurt, scare, or offend any of the dear people who are on DS. It's simply another opinion. TJ
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I find myself going places in the car and not wanting to get out of the car. I come back home and I don't want to get out of the car. I think it's the only time I spend reflecting. Chronic tiredness from Long Covid plus the immunosupressing meds for my Crohn's is slowing me down but everything just seems a massive effort. I am dealing with the paperwork following my father's death but it's not...
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Wow, it's the middle of the week already!Today is our 11 year anniversary, so we're going out to a nice dinner. I'm losing a lot of sleep these days, hence a wonky schedule and uncomfortable feelings. But I know it will pass, eventually.I hope all of you have a peaceful day, and may good things come your way!
Someone put up their e-mail address in DS. From simply that I was able to find their full name, phone number, real age, address, hobbies and former occupation.
You may be thinking I'm running some black ops out of a stealth bomber with the serial number filed off..but I used a well known tool. It's called google.
I don't know how secure DS is but I expect it's reasonably so, people just do silly and obvious things.
In England I don't have recourse to guns for protection. But I do have two cats that could give someone a nasty lick.
What a funny reply. Your unique take on my peculiarities made me laugh out loud. I warned you that I was paranoid!
Your first sentence explains my paranoia fairly well and why I don't give certain info. Google is a powerful tool. I've been both amazed and dismayed at what I can pull up about people. I plan to make the hackers work for even the most minuscule amount of info on me. Our daughters laugh at my extreme caution and say that it equals a government security level. Love their sense of humor about my idiosyncrasies.
Thanks, and I agree with you and mentioned that in the post about DS not being a threat. I have just become used to following a certain criteria when I join Web sites. I'll keep in mind that you have some serious attack cats. TJ
I meant your first paragraph. TJ
Also, thank goodness, my (small) hometown, 2 miles from me, has as our Chief of Police one of my sons very good friends from high school. He STILL callls me MOM, and drives by to ck on me everyday. Doesn't stop -- unless just happens I am outside, but, he keeps an eye on my place. AND, our County Sheriff happens to be a good friend too. :-) (His wife used to date my son).
Like you, I have security lights, and double locks on all doors, and something under each window that would cause a nice fall for anyone coming through a window---after they got it unlocked. I know all that doesn't mean that I am completely safe, but, every little bit helps.
Joely
Good post TJ......and you are right sometimes I forget how much info is out there...
L
Good post
It's horrible having to hide so much from a group that means so much to me, but I've already received scam mail. Nowadays, you just can't take the chance. You've got to look out for yourself and take as many security percautions as possible. It's one of the reasons I ended up with a dog from the petshop. I just couldn't imagine getting in my car and driving 200 to 300 miles to go in the house of a total stranger. I figure I'd take my chances with the pets shop.