Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
It's almost 10 months since my husband passed away. He died of a massive heart attack, it was so sudden that I never even had a chance to say goodbye. If I were to compare how I was 5 or 6 months ago to how I'm now, I'd say I have improved a whole lot and am almost back to being "normal". Before, I was not able to sleep, couldn't focus on anything, was fearful all the time, and time seemed to move so slow. I also so had this pain on my chest, like a hole, and the pain feels paralyzingly especially in the morning as I woke up. I thought I was really loosing it. That was rock bottom for me...
Now 10 months later, the physical pain has lessened if not gone. I am able to sleep and get a good night's rest. I've been able to back to work, do household chores, and go out with friends and coworkers once in a while. Though I can't say that I am totally healed, I am hopeful that someday I will. It is true that all we need is time, and we need to allow ourselves to grieve and go through the process. And that process means learning how to be on my own and finding myself. There are no short cuts.
Hugs to everyone in this group. You are all in my prayers.
I should point out though that the healing period is different for everyone. There is no timeframe. Others might feel better sooner or later, as our journeys are unique. What i'm sure of is we do eventually feel better. In my case, i started to heal when I finally accepted my new reality, that my husband is gone and I am on my own. It is tough. Either i spiral down in sadness or stand up and find a way to live. I chose to stand.
Im amazed that you are able to move and all. I couldnt make any decision at 3 months. Good that you are surrounded by family. You'll be fine and i am praying for you. Hugs.
If you lack enough exercise, you can especially feel like you're languishing-just waiting for the end...Our moods can be affected by many things. Death, I believe, can permanently alter us , our viewpoints of
this life, making us sober to the finiteness of it, making us not really care for it...i.e. the things which don't matter and are temporal, which are many.
I have been staying with my son and daughter-in-law because the house my husband and I lived in was so remote that I didn't want to stay there. Now they want me out. My husband was not my son's father and he just doesn't seem to understand that you can't just pick up and go on. They say they want their privacy back. Whatever. I'm looking for a part time job but my body is so much different than it was before he died. I've gained a lot of weight and I don't have the stamina that I used to have. Things have just been horrible since he died and I have no one to lean anymore so that makes it especially difficult.
Sandy I'm sorry you're being treated with a cold shoulder. Hoping you turn to God as your Rock.
I understand this is a lifetime process. Once things seem to be settling down, with all the legal matters, the paperwork and all the decisions, other issues may start coming up... as you well say, health insurance, assuring an income, moving, family matters... In the beginning we are to busy with all that we're processing. Eventually we are left alone in this new reality, finding our way, facing our new normalcy. A big sense of loneliness can strike; depression can kick in... The rollercoaster of emotions will start slowing down, even though we can be surprised at any moment.
Stay positive, have faith, do what feels right for you, stay in touch with friends, and please don't be too hard on yourselves. We may have enough reasons to cry, but humor is welcomed! I admire all your accomplishments. Be at peace
Our journey has changed...
We each cope
Trying to find our way...
Blessings to each
jdp