Jeff's post of his time in grief was so intense and valuable I wanted to expand his journey  and comments and add my own.  Grief doesn't end.  We learn to live with it and continue to live again with it.  Don't died 9 years ago this past June.   I suffered through a horrible October because October was his birthday.   Then with the holidays approachingThanksgiving and Christmas without him saddened my mood.   Our 50th wedding anniversary is approaching.   These special times continue to bring a sadness,  even now.   

If you are newly widowed,  4 years,  like Jeff, or 9 years like me it seems unbearable, but we get through it year after year.   Each year we find new ways to make the transition that are less hurtful than before.   I remember the first 4 year mark clearly.   I had resigned myself to always be Don's wife and live in the memories of yesterday.   I had progressed enough to have friends and be social.   With that improvement I met a gentleman who I fell in love with.   We've been together for 5 years and have a blended family with our adult children.   I believe Jeff realizes this by his post that we all have time of reflection on what was supposed to be,  but we carry on.  

I,  like Jeff, wasn't very happy and great deal of the time,  but I did the best I could  using DS to support me on the hard days.   Some find their place in the world faster.   Others like me take more time.  Neither is wrong.   You are in the place you need to be.   Carry on and know you will find your peace in your unique way.  Sharon