Hi Rosie, Try to limit the emotional toll on yourself. You asked, he has essentially all but said no. So you drop it. Your only decision is whether or not you want to continue the friendship. If yes, don't bring it up again. If no, well you are no worse off. Whatever the items are, really they are just things. You've still got the memories. I also gave away some things that now I wish I hadn't. But what is done is done. Things always have a way of evening out without my intervention. So let it go. You asked, and that is all you could do. Now the true colors of the recipients come shining through -- good or bad. It's on them, not you. Your friend ~~~ Scottie

you are right the emotional toll it is taking right now is awful...the guilt is more than I can handle...I know I should not feel this way but I can't believe someone would do this...I could and would never treat anyone like this...These things mean nothing to him..but them i guess its not about the worth...I just hope my husband would understand that I gave them away when I was in a dark place and that I didn't mean that they were things that I just threw away I was vunerable and weak...

Oh Rosie, I am so sorry you gave away items you now wished you had not. You may never get those items back. It is unfortunate that others will be predators during our grieving time and take advantage of us. You must forgive yourself for the loss of those items. None of us are in our right minds while the grief is so new.
I am 3 years in and a few months back I had to sell &/or dispose of about 95% of my stuff so I could move back home to care take my parents. I am down to one small memory box of items from my honey. It was so painful but in the end I realized that we come into this world with no belongings and we go out of this world with no belongings. The only thing we can take with us is the love we shared with our special someone. That is a prize worth more than any gold or thing could ever be. Focus on the love and tonight may not be as dark as it was.

Rosie I did the same thing, I gave a bro in law a truck, which he had in his posession and was and agreed to pay us the 5 grand for it. the day after he died, the bro in law, said I dont care what you do with anything but I want this, and that.. and I was like well you cant have that, and the other you can have for X amount of dollars. I still gave them the 5 grand truck and never got a dime for it.. Eventhough they watched me struggle, their house is paid for, and they are great financially. Do i regret it, yes, but not really, because it's on them now, not on me. My conscious is free, and so should yours. You gave something away with the best intentions, they are just things, and they might bring you even more pain, with you having them. I would just let go of the woulda/coulda/shoulda. You did nothing wrong, and should feel no guilt in having giving something with a heart full of love. I hope things go well ,and that you find peace with it. I have, and I havent looked back, since I basically realized none off us can take these things with us, when we all pass away, but the memories that are invoked from them, we can. Much love and big hugs carla

I would give him more time to return the items on his own. If you don't hear from him in a week or two, follow up or choose to let it go. Personally? I would probably make at least one more attempt after he's had plenty of time to cool down and think about it. If you again apologize and explain that you weren't thinking due to grief, he might relent. If not, there's little you can do, but I personally wouldn't associate with any "friend" who refused a request from a widow for some of her husband's things back. A friend like that isn't a friend at all.

I agree 100% with Grieving Guy. I'd ask one more time. And if I got no response - well what kind of a "friend" would do that?

I also gave away hordes of things, right down to furniture and all, I mean ALL our Christmas decorations. No, I sure wasn't in my right mind.
Another family member asked for some personal things from my late husband and I gave, thinking I was being kind and nice. After all - I had the house and memories. He lived far away. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I should have kept them. He had no business asking for those things.

Anyway - all water under the dam. It's been 5 1/2 years and I will never see those things again. But I still have the Love and Memories which are more important.

Oh, and I sold our home too. But - bought it back after 4 years.
Nope - certainly not in my right mind. But I think I'm there now.

Sending lots of warm hugs.

Thanks again for your responses...Just don't like feeling like I have been had...I am shocked when this kind of thing happens to others but now it is me and I still am in disbelief I guess....