Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Nicker07 10/08/2013

My Mom is going to turn 87 Nov 4th but things she has been saying make it sound like she knows her time is close to leaving this earth.

And its how she says stuff. I tried to tell my siblings esp. brother who is in New Mexico to come see her. She is not doing real well....I BELIEVE her heart is just slow down and giving out as no matter what they (drs say that her heart for her age looks good and no artery problems) she is having various issues re: heart. She has lived good and long and living by herself on 5 acres mowing her own lawn, still drives to close little town for groceries WE have many friends and family that drive her to drs and larger things she needs. My siblings tell me Poo Poo I do not know what I am talking about but I just have this intuition based on her words to me.

I am trying to tell my siblings (4) that its best she goes as she knows she wants to stay there and not be in a nursing home etc. I think she believes her failing health will lead her there and I honestly believe she is willing herself to go.....

I guess I am trying to deal with this alone so needed an arena to vent.
Thanks for listening....and Prayers would be nice for my MOM
I am not often on internet lately....Miss you all

jewells1 10/08/2013

In our tribes, when an elder feels they are ready they can ...and do will them selves to die. For many of the same reasons you have stated.
They are satisfied with their life, no regrets they haven't addressed and do not want there last days as a burden. This may sound like it is real old history but I have seen it done, not that long ago.

If you really feel she has made this decision of just letting go. Then I would say...Get out your recorder. Now is the time to get family history, stories of love and births. What was her happiest times Also the recipe's she would never give up.

It's why we honor our elders, for the stories they have to pass.

BTW, it is something she has the control over. leaving in a dignified way. In just the same way you can breath slowly and lower your own heartbeat, she can will her heart to stop. Even if she looks great.

Maritele10 10/08/2013

Praying for you both. Marilyn

sandeestttn 10/08/2013

With you being close to her, you hear what she is saying, and feel her thoughts. When my dad was living here with me, and he said things, and did things, I knew time was near. I tried to get my sisters to come see him, they wouldn't. Broke his heart. Before my husband died, he called and talked to old friends, cousins. Like he was telling them good-bye. The night my husband died, he called me and said he wanted to come home. I told him a ambulance was bringing him near home in the morning. he said "that'll work"... he died that night. He was brought near home the next morning, but by hearse....They know....

Prayers are being said for your mother, and you...Sandee

cliffskat 10/09/2013

I agree with Jewells, too - if there is anything left that needs to be said or known, now is the time. Your siblings are foolish and cowardly, and if they don't do it, they will regret it. After my father died, a couple of my siblings that had not resolved everything with Daddy had a very hard time grieving. I had no regrets - it had all been aired, asked, and our last words to each other were 'I love you.'

I know no matter what age they are losing a parent is never easy. I am glad you came here and let your DS family know. You know we will be here for you.

Sending you Love, Hugs, and Prayers,
Martha

Scouserboots 10/09/2013

Yes, your mom knows how she feels and if she is ready she will be ready on her own terms, not other people's expectations. And if the thought of moving from her home into a nursing home is on her mind, then this is again something she does not want.

There is no telling your siblings anything that they don't want to hear. But you understand what is happening, and I am sure your mom will appreciate you for that.

Girldawg1 10/09/2013

87 ! God bless her. Your mum sounds like a very strong independent sort. Yes, they 'know.' And they can quite possibly will it to happen. I am glad you are there for her. It is difficult when we are spread out all over the country, but your siblings should make a point to gather. We never know when seeing each other may be that last time. Blessings.

NewRoadsForMe 10/10/2013

Hi, Nicker, it's good to hear from you, but I'm sorry you have this heaviness in your heart. I believe people who are dying know they are headed that way. If your family members cannot or will not believe that this is possible, they will have to deal with whatever fallout happens when she does pass away. I'm glad she has you to care for and about her welfare. It hurts, though, when family fails to understand or back you up. Just use your own common sense and do what you need to do for your mom. You can't be responsible for your family members who choose to remain at large. I'm sorry for these issues on your heart. Hang in there. You have a good head on your shoulders!

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