Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My husband died of a cardiac arrythmia at the age of 56 years old. I came home from work on 09/21/17 and I found him on the floor. I tried to shake him and noticed he wasn't breathing. I was in shock and cried and cried. I immediately pulled myself together - called 911 and performed emergency CPR until the ambulance came. I could not revive him, nor could the EMTs or the emergency room. I sat with him in the emergency room after they pronounced him dead. I prayed to God and Jesus for my husband. After the prayer, I did hear my husband's voice from the other side of the emergency room bed (he had passed 1 1/2 hours by then). I can't explain it but I know that God allowed him to speak and me to hear him so I that I would know that his soul lives on and that's he's okay. It was also to comfort me. It has been harrowing, lonely, empty, and I hate living alone. He was my best friend and family. Now that is all gone. After I recover from the trauma and heartache, I will need to go out and build a new life for myself. It is just so hard getting past the extreme pain and emptiness in my heart and soul. I miss him as I love him so very much. I am 2 years older than him and feel a bit bleak about the future. However, I'm being more positive and at the same time realistic. God bless you all. I have great compassion for all. I am grateful for this group and all that you write here.
My older brother found my brother dead in the car and didn't have anything to break the window with to try to get to him. He was there when 911 came and put him on a stretcher and worked on him. Needless to say, he has not done well with being in that situation. I am not doing well remembering him in the ER trying to be revived while we waited outside. He was intubated when they let us in to see him after he passed and still warm. Those images will stay with me forever.
Losing your best friend, husband and lover is one of the most difficult things you can go through. I recommend reading the book, Option B, by Sheryl Sandberg, CEO of Facebook who also suddenly lost her husband. And I pray you have family support and close friends to help you work your way through your pain and your new normal. We are here to listen and help you any way we can.
It may be helpful for you to allow yourself to feel the grief and pain of losing your loved one. It may take some time to allow yourself to experience the pain of your loss. That is perfectly fine. No one can tell you how long it will take because everyone deals with and handles grief and mourning differently. Take the time to do whatever it is that you need to in order to make it through each day. Try not to isolate yourself. Share yourself with others. You never know what you can bring to someone or what they may bring to you. Remind yourself to breath when the pain of your loss seems overwhelming.
Best wishes to you.
KK