Marie, I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 21 months ago in a car accident. I understand your pain, it does hurt so much, especially in the beginning. You need to take it easy and don't do more than you feel you are able to. The first several months are so hard. You will find at times that you will actually have a minute or two of happinessand or peace, then maybe a few hours and even an entire day. It will take time. I have many days or even weeks now that I feel at peace. I hope that you have family and friends to be there for you. This website has been a healing place for me especially as more time goes by. People don't understand as much when it starts getting close to 2 years. When I come here I am able to see how others are doing that are at the same timeline as me. Again I am very sorry for your loss.
Sending you hugs. Denise

Marie, I am so sorry for your loss. My husband's death was not sudden or a surprise, but it hurts just as much - he's gone. I am at the 9 month stage now, and I can tell you it does get easier; your loss is so recent that of course you feel like nothing will ever get better. This is a very supportive group on this site, and just know that you are not alone and that you can talk about anything with us. I hope you will feel just a little bit better today. laurabp

Marie - I can only say how sad I am for you and I feel exectly the same. I lost my dear sweet wife of 31 years on 1 June this year after a terrible thyroid cancer spead all though her lungs and liver. To lose your husband so suddenly must be much harder. We fell in love at first sight at Christian university student conference in 1977. Sometimes when it hurts a lot it feel like every cell in my body aches with missing her presence. Our house which used to be a happy cheery hive of activity with three children and a grandaughter is now empty - just me, my tears, photographs and the occasional grown up child visiting. I don't know what my future will hold, if I will ever want to remarry or what. I have never had this tragic challenge to face. I am glad of sites like this to know I am not alone in this 'time of trial".

Marie,
I am so sorry for your loss. I was in shock for the first few months. You are not even through the initial shock part yet. It is all so painful at first that it seems like a way that our minds try to cope. The open wound does turn into a huge scar someday.

I feel so sad for people who lost their loved ones out of the blue like that. It was so hard watching my husband suffer with a brain tumor, but that too would have just been so hard (what you went through).

It is such a roller coaster ride. The best advice I ever got was to accept the tears as they are the love that you have for your husband. I let myself cry every day and watch videos of us, and look at picture, and listened to songs that made me think of him. I also read every book ever written about grief at first because it felt like a way to not pretend that I wasn't grieving and if anyone had any ideas of how to survive....well I was listening.

I also came and still come here every day. It helps so much to know that I was not alone in the way I was feeling moment to moment.

The pain never totally goes away, but you learn to put one foot in front of the other and keep on walking until the pain is bearable. Then you learn how to cope in your own special way more and more as time goes by and you allow yourself to fully feel what you feel.

Be especially kind to yourself.

-Diana

Marie,

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 34 years on July 29 from brain cancer. He was 53. We have been together since I was 13, and married when I was 18. I know how you feel.

We didn't work all day together but we did everything else together. We have a farm and I have always worked jobs that were not full time so we spent a lot of time together. I have had to change so much of my life, my son and his girlfriend and her daughter moved in with me to help on our farm and business.So even the house/farm is not my own now. I couldn't be alone but didn't want company either.

Everywhere I go, I remember him. The memories only make me cry. I started having panic attacks now and am on meds that seem to be making me kind of numb and I don't like that. Working only fills the hours, it doesn't take away the pain. I have missed two days in the last two weeks because I just couldn't go in.

I keep telling him I'm sorry for not being able to find the right help for him. No one who has not been thru this can completely understand just how difficult this is. I don't want to do anything or go anywhere. I just don't know how to continue without him. I miss everything about him. Everyone keeps saying it gets better, I don't know.
Kathy

Marie - I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found us. I found this site 3 months after Joe died from billiary duct cancer. I thought I was going out of my mind, with such strong emotions overwhelming me. Here, I found that although each of our situations are different and personal, we share that journey of grief. When someone would mention that "healing time" thing, I couldn't see it, or believe it. Just baby steps are all you need to do right now - getting through one minute at a time. Denise is so right - try not to do anything more than you're able to, or need to do. Hugs, Marsha

Marie, I am so sorry. I lost my husband 14 mos ago from a sudden heart attach while mowing the lawn. One minute life was good and the next minute totally changed. I understand the shock and disbelief that they are gone. I will never forget sitting in the ER waiting room staring blankly at a picture on the wall thinking this is a nightmare and I will wake up and life will be normal. Tom is really OK. This isn't happening. I just need to wake up. All that denial trying to deal with the horrendous initial shock. Like Diana, I read every book on grief that I could find. As the others have said, take baby steps and be very gentle with yourself. Take things one minute, one hour, one day at a time. You can only do what you can do! And know that we are here for you! Hugs, Barb