just returned from my my hometown that is a four hour drive from where I live. I cried a good part of the way home today. My dear best friend, partner, and wife Jennifer passed away 19 weeks ago. I took Jennifer's ashes with me for the visit and they   rode next to me on the passenger seat both ways. I met with some of her family who I had not seen since she passed away. We are planning a nice Springtime celebration of life for Jennifer on what would have been her 51st birthday at the end of April. I can feel signs and know that Jennifer is still with me and helping me. Sometimes I just cannot stop crying.... The few friends we have in town have pretty much moved on and work is my only true salvation at this point. It is helpful to read that others are going through the same living hell that I live in. I feel too fragile to move many of her items in the house. I was only into her closet long enough a couple of months ago to take her numerous wigs and headpieces to donate to other cancer patients who will need them. I do not feel like a rational human being very often these days :-( I work full-time as a registered nurse at the same hospital where Jennifer used to work as an RN as well.... The pain is excruciating... Any kind words will be appreciated because I feel so lonely and I hate it... I feel that I need to live up to a high standard because my Jennifer stayed strong and full of gratitude and positivity throughout her eight-year and 8 month Journey with multiple myeloma... I feel that I owe it to her and myself to be a a strong person again and get out and make some new friends since our only friends are coworkers and I believe they are tired of hearing my story:-( does anyone have any advice? I feel like I need a local friend male or female who has lost their significant other so they will be able to relate to me. I have not found the grief groups that I went to very helpful but do have a weekly private grief counselor that is the highlight of my week.