Widows & Widowers Support Group

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My 40 anniversary............after 5 years

icezam19
icezam19
Today is my 40th anniversary. Bill died 5 years and 6 wks ago. At five years I expected to be in a better place emotionally. After all this time......I am saddened that we've been apart for so long. I still feel married to him and can't ever see that changing.

I stay busy at work and with grandkids but deep down there are many anxieties that won't seem to go away. I've never been a worrier but since becoming a widow it's a problem.

I've always been such an optimist and happy to be alive. But anymore, I'm a "fake optimist." That's because I don't want to worry my family. There is great financial pressure at work - I own the business along with our son who is wonderful but Bill used to carry all that weight and now I hate seeing it hanging over our son. As a mom that's hard to watch. Also, I'm caring for my MIL with Alzheimers in my house. She is bedbound - and swears at me all day long. Ugh. I sit on the couch at night and think - how is it that I'm sitting in this room with her? It should be my dear husband. That's the feelings I get anyway.

I'd probably diagnose myself with anxiety. Great difficulty sleeping and nauseated all the time. Sorry for sounding negative, but it's our anniversary so I'm pretty down.

Anyone else struggling with anxiety?
dschwartz
dschwartz
After all you've mentioned . . there's no doubt you would have some anxiety and perhaps even a bit of depression? Have you seen a counselor or therapist? I would highly suggest it if you haven't. With a good therapist, they will help you learn coping skills along with possible medication (if needed). I have struggled with bouts of anxiety most of my life. It escalated around the time I became menopausal (hormone related) and has continued through this grief process. I was put on a mild dose of Lexipro and Klonipin (only as needed). It has helped tremendously. I'm so sorry you have much on your plate right now. Again, I think any of we would be pulling our hair out as well. Sending you gentle hugs today on your 40th . . along with lots of healing thoughts. D
kgray41
kgray41
Bless your heart you are going through a lot!! On top of being able to grieve. I have always been labeled as the happiest person. Now like you, I almost feel like I have to "fake it till I make it"!! Sometimes that works, other times I get home to an empty house and just cry. I miss my Bob so much! Almost 41 years together. He was my whole world. Now I am clinging to God with all my strength. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Karla
bookdragon
bookdragon
you have a lot on your plate and I think it would only be natural to have anxiety! It is hard to stay optimistic all the time. It is good that you can come here and discuss your feelings. big hug-Patti
tiger1962
tiger1962
Yes. I have anxiety. My psychiatrist says it is caused by fear for future and uncertainty. Fear for future was one of my two dominated emotions ( the other being sadness). I have tried to overcome it by focusing on the current day, and it works to certain extent. I am taking lorazepam. But I am thinking to get off it. My journey is early, about 5 months, compared to yours. I am interested in how you deal with it. Good luck. tiger
JesusisOurSaviour
JesusisOurSaviour
Dear Icezam,
You certainly have had so much on your plate for the last five years.
Losing your husband, taking over his business caregiving your mum in law, who has Alzheimer's....I also notice you have given so much support to other grieving people here.(Plus Loving, caring and giving attention to you grandchildren.....That's a lot of TIME and GIVING to everybody but yourself......I wonder, how much time have you given to you?

Anxiety is your body and mind telling you that you need to regroup and take stock of your life....ii think you have the insight to know that.. Please, take time for you before you become totally broken.
Please start changing things for YOU, if you don't it will only get worse, I believe you know that.
I am sorry for what you are going through. I am so sorry you don't have your husband here, on your 40th wedding anniversary.
Sending you lots and lots a big hugs......Sandra