I wish I could help you on this one. Bereavement support group tells us not to make a major change for 12-18 months unless we have to. You carry the pain and loneliness with you wherever you go. Also, if you relocate you suffer the loss of your comfort zone, in addition to the loss of your spouse.

The only thing I can repeat is that the loneliness follows us until we heal and adjust.

I am in the process of doing the same thing. I am having to downsize and it has been challenging. I think that the loss is so much more evident, because now it is your place alone, and it is a reminder that the part of your life that you loved so much is gone. When his clothes were still in the closet and his things were where he left them, it still felt like it wasn't so real. But now that things are cleared out and our house is looking so much emptier, there is a realization that he is never coming back.

I don't want to move forward without him, but it isn't about what I want, it is what must be done. You had so much history in your last home, it must have been so difficult for you to say good bye. I hope that it gets easier for you with all the new happy memories you create in your new place.

Hi Laura,
I had to move from the condo I shared with my partner just last Friday. The circumstances were not good; his family is in anger overdrive and they more or less forced me to move. It was very hard leaving and we had only lived there for two years! But it was hard thinking about all the memories--when we first looked at it, bought the furniture, etc. I ran around like a fool snapping photos on my cell phone and cried a lot.

Sounds like you made your move for very practical reasons, so that was a wise thing you did for yourself. Moving is always hard; it takes time to make someplace new your own. It is also very disorienting to be in a new place. Especially since you had lived in your old place for such a long time! Perhaps you can have fun with it--decorate it the way you really want it without thinking about anyone else's opinion. Have a house warming ritual, even if you do it by yourself. Play music and burn candles.

Change is hard, no doubt about it.

Amy

Laura,
Congratulate yourself on seeing the wisdom of down-sizing for financial reasons, regardless of how painful the move may now seem. I moved 15 months after my husband's death from 8 acres in the country, to a small, almost new starter home in town. What an adjustment...but almost 3 years later, with the economy in such turmoil, I realize that it was the right thing to do. Take comfort in the knowledge that you still have friends close by.

Pretty soon, you may realize that the actual moving will become part of the healing process. You have nothing to feel guilty about, either....the best memories are in your heart, not windows and walls!!

Good luck, and let yourself enjoy that feeling of "my very own place"!

Jane in GA

I plan to stay in our house for at least 5 more years. My son is 14 and I will down size when he moves out. I am thinking townhouse, something that does not have such a big yard. For now my kids help me with the yard work.
Even if I was by myself right now I would not try to sell my house until the market bounces back and that could take some time.

In my opinion, Laura, you did what you had to do. You should be extremely proud of what you've accomplished. I think you should be commended. You're on your own, making good decisions for yourself, and well on the way to building a life on your own. I understand the loneliness, but it's true the loneliness is with you in both places. I think you made a wise choice. Yeah, you!! Sharon

Thank you all for your kind comments and support. This is my 5th day in the new place and it still feels weird, but I'm getting used to it. It actually is forcing me to "move on" in one way, in that as I unpack the boxes, I find that a lot of the stuff Stan used to have on the walls, on his bureau, desk, etc. has no place to go here. A lot of the furniture did not come with me for lack of space, and a lot of his pictures, knick-knacks, etc. just don't seem to fit in here........so I'm packing a lot of them away and concentrating on putting up what I personally like, and of course putting out the photographs of him. This really is making me feel that I am entering a "new" phase of my life. laurabp

I also am looking to move. Been going back and forth about it. Asked for a sign that I was making the right decision. Well yesterday a big tree fell on the house and really did some damage. So I guess.... here's your sign. So I know it's going to be hard to start over but it's going to be fine. It's smaller which will be good and it's in a nice neighborhood. Scary... isn't it?

diannT, so sorry to hear about the tree falling on your house! Sounds like you must have been caught in that hurricane. I am glad you are able to move though. Yes, I think moving is scary, but a lot of us really have been pushed into it, and I guess we just learn to manage. Good luck! laurabp

Hi laurabp, I read your comments a few days ago and wanted to reply because I am having the same problem however, I didnt know exactly what to say. Today, i am inspired!! First let me tell you about me. I recently moved from the North to the South. I have been here before with my husband who has now been gone for l7 months. I was so excited and over the top happy to get my very own condo to " arrange and decorate any way I wanted" That was 2 months ago. Now, here I am and SO WHAT? i am wondering what happened suddenly to bring me down. I just finished giving away more "stuff" and feel free at last but it just itsnt working any more, no happy dance.

Today I gave myself a treat and went to the bookstore. I am crazy about book stores. After browsing through the store, I landed in the bargain books, of course, and VOILA! I found a book by Sarah Ban Breathnach called MOVING ON. It caught my eye because I read her Simple Abundance book years ago and loved it but gave it away during my many moves. I have only read the introduction but your comments came into mind as I read "....it doesnt matter whom you live with or where you movefrom or to, youalways take yourself with you. If you dont know who you are, or if you've forgotten or misplaced her, then you'll always feel as if you dont belong" Isnt that great???? Complicated but great. I stopped reading and here I am. I think this is what may help us out laurabp. The book was on sale at Books a Million for $5.97 and is probably available for less on Amazon books, used. I hope you are a reader???? If not I will keep you posted if you like. I must get back into the book now. I am so glad you wrote in and hope we can keep in touch. I am a new -today- member. hugs, jozo