My dearest Steve,

It is now October, after a September that seemed to last forever..............probably because it feels like I lived a lifetime during September.

First came Hurricane Irma, which they claimed was the most powerful storm ever recorded in the Atlantic.  Which is a rather misleading claim, since they've only been officially recording hurricanes for a little over a century.  Surely there have been other savage storms in the past that just weren't recorded and that the wind instruments of the day were not advanced enough to measure.  

But yes, it was a helluva storm.

I still have a house left, minus a shutter and some trim.  I was most grateful that I had that tree beside the house removed last winter.  

But afterward, I felt a shift in things.  The year after your death was relatively uneventful, until the hurricane.  After the hurricane, it felt as if something major had happened and, for the first time, you weren't there to see it.

And after the hurricane, Steve came by to check my gutters......................you never know what can blow into them during a storm of that magnitude.

Yes, his name is Steve, too.  What a coincidence, right?

I brought him a bottle of water.  He started telling me information about the new air conditioning unit I had put in right before the storm and the next thing I knew we were out on a date.

Of course, it didn't REALLY happen quite like that.................you and I both know that I knew what I was doing, even though I can still hardly believe it.

You were sick for so long, darling, and we knew you were dying.  The ugly talons of grief extend way past the 13 months since you died.

Reaching out, dating another man.........................it says, if nothing else, that I realize you are not coming back.  

And you are not.

I have felt your presence so close to me in the past year and now, I feel you stepping back.  I know that you will always be with me but I also know that it will never be as intense as it was the first year.

I also know that my relationship with Steve has absolutely nothing to do with you and I.  We were married for 30 years and raised a family together.  There is nothing that can ever compare to that.

But I am still alive.  That's really what this is about...............life.  Life and the ability to see possibilities, no matter what has happened.

This wil probably be my last Open Letter To My Beloved for awhile and I feel that is probably the way that it should be.  

I know I will always love you and you will always love me.

Love forever and ever and ever,

Sylvia