I had to get rid of tons of stuff. I sold, donated, and gave away so many of the evidences of our life together. Everything had a memory attached to it. Everything from coffee cups to furniture, photos and art work, clothes, tools, DVDs, music, and our humongous library - literally hundreds of books.

The best piece of advice I got here was to take photos of anything that had an emotional attachment for me. That was especially helpful for things like his guitars and amplifier which were largish items that I knew I would need to sell rather than move.

I still have a box of Cliff's personal effects - his groovy sunglasses collection, his guitar fingerpicks, odds and ends, photos, cards and love letters. I have them in a special decorative box. I bought the box for about $30. I put his small things away in it after he died because staring at them every day just made things harder for me and my sons. The box came with us to England. It is a comfort to know I have it for me and for my sons. You don't need everything to remember them by.

As far as your brother-in-law, it sounds like he and your husband were close. It may have more meaning to him than just wanting the tools as tools - it may be something he could hang onto that is a reminder of his brother. I don't know. My brother wanted Cliff's tools, but they weren't close. Like an idiot I let him have them - and then kicked myself later because I wound up having to buy new ones to replace them - they were needed around the house. And of course my brother with the tools wouldn't come round to help us unless I paid him. That still rankles. He and I aren't even on speaking terms anymore. Anyway, your BIL may be afraid that it is his last chance to have something that is connected to his brother -- are you moving far from the family? Just a thought.

Moving, even for good reasons, is very very very stressful. Take good care of yourself while you are going through this.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Its appalling your BIL TOLD you he had first dips on YOUR belongings~
Interesting he didn't ASK for an item of sentimental value ~
People take on the appearance of vultures when death comes b/c that's what greed looks like ~ Ick!
Tools to men are what clothes/shoes are to women ~
They are most heavily advertised items per sex due to the high volume of venue they generate ~
They wear out, are easily replaced & rarely, if ever, hold sentimental value (that would be a wedding dress or christening outfit) ~
A person cannot honor things/cherish if their only use is a means to self enhancement ~

BTW, is this the same BIL your INLS wanted you & your husband to take care of forever? If so, it appears he thinks of himself as entitled ~

Put cabron out of your mind while you pack up your kitchenware & your husband's tools ~
Ask any male you know what tools should be kept for home repairs ~
Donate or sell whatever you don't want to take w/you ~
As a kind gesture, give cabron whatever you choose for him in the presence of family members ~
If he asks about the other stuff, just tell him you thought a sentimenal item was more appropriate (to remind him to be grateful! *wink*) or you did what you needed to or point to a box on the floor (as if they're packed inside) ~

If desgraciado has offered to help you move, be sure to pay him gas money & provide him w/lunch & dinner (if it's a long day of moving) ~
Be sure to hand him the gas payment in the presence of as many friends/family members as possible ~

Gifting, paying & feeding him around family (witnesses), if he's humble, should eliminate you from being accused of "using him", denying he didn't receive a personal item of his brother's ... the brother he loved so very much, and in owing him anything further ~

Take care & take it easy ~
______________________________________________________*I am currently unsupervised. I know, it freaks me out too! But the possibilities are endless* ~ me ~

I understand how you feel about your brother in law behaving like a vulture. I have come across my share of those people who think they are entitled to this that and the other. But the reality is those items is what you and your husband both saved for and spent your money on for your home. So the only one entitled to anything is you, no one else. You are the one that decides. It frustrating to have to deal with people who think they are entitled to anything when they are not. And it is also very insensitive and rude.

Silverfox. I am glad you are moving forward. And wish you the best. Maybe you could rent a storage unit, until you decide what you really need?...And what you could get rid of?..

I am on day 3 of emptying out his room. The man had more junk. He saved everything. Computers, dvd players. I don't even know if they work, or what to do with them. You can't throw them in the trash, I have tried to find someone to come take them.

His power chair, I am trying to sell. No bites.

I would give him our favorite paintings and a lot more but I know he would sell them, so I rather put them in storage. He sold everything that I have given him so far. I would have given him a small sum when I sold my house to help them because he and his wife lost their jobs, but I don't like the way he put it. He sold our car and I gave him all that money. He said to me: "I expected more!!!" That aggravates me as if I am not alive and won't need the kitchen stuff for my own cooking!

Thank you everyone for your response and suggestions. Yes, I have started to document our lives at our home and making photo albums of our home, his flowers around the garden and our trips etc. I do treat him meals but have not pay him yet. I will pay him after my house is sold next year.

What sex, were your husband's Dot Connector.

I know it was a typo, but thank for breaking a giggle out of me.

That's just plain rude. All you need to tell they are for someone near and dear to his heart...you.

my advice would be to focus on the move you are looking forward to, not the past irritations.all the best