Widows & Widowers Support Group

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mother's day

silverfoxwife
silverfoxwife
Three years ago on Mother's day was the last time I talked to my husband and heard his voice. He died a couple of days later overseas, so I don't feel like celebrating if it wasn't for my daughters' sake. My nice brother in-law had tried to keep us connected with his family even though he knew I am not a fan of his mother. Again he wanted us to join them for Mother's day. For years I had to spend that day together with my mother in-law. I found the courage to turn him down. For once in my life, I just wanted to be alone with my own children on this day. I had so much anger still towards my MIL for not loving my husband, for saying nasty things to him and I. I was so surprised when my older daughter also turn down the invitation and said she is so tired of seeing the grandparents again and again. I never knew she was troubled by them too. Honestly, how can I be happy and laughing away like they would when my husband's 3rd anniversary is around the corner. Every time when I recall some memory, my heart aches.
dschwartz
dschwartz
Silverfox . . so sorry this Holiday is a major trigger for you. :( Good for you in turning down the invite to be with people that you don't care being around. Our lives and moments are precious as we well know now. We should all chose our company wisely.

BTW, I'm not a big fan of M Day either for differing reasons. It's actually one of the most "dreaded" holidays of the year for me.

I hope that you will enjoy being with your daughters and have a nice day in spite of it all.

Hugs, D
bookdragon
bookdragon
I agree. We all say "be kind to yourself" and this means doing what you need to keep going. Spending a quiet day with your children sounds lovely. you can always send your in law a nice card or phone call.
matoacalady
matoacalady
silverfox.....I will be spending the day with a close friend and going to the cemetery to leave flowers on my Mom's grave. I have not been in so long, with Ben's illness/treatments and his death, I just have not been.

I will see neither of my boys that day....youngest will be out of town but the oldest is taking me out Saturday night so that is all good.

This will be my 3rd MD without my sweet Mother and I still miss her more than I can put into words.

Enjoy your day with your daughter doing something that will make you both smile.

It is a difficult day for many of us and we all feel the pain.

Hugs
Jen
doyew
doyew
I'm sorry that Mothers Day is painful for you. I hope that being with your immediate family this year will make it better. I have a funny little story I'll share with you. My husband usually gave me big, "mushy" cards for every occasion and I wondered if he ever actually read them. I know of one that he didn't! When our son was about 22, I rec'd. a beautiful M Day card from my husband. On the front was: "To my wife on her first Mothers Day." It was too funny to get upset -- I didn't ever let him forget it, though. From then on, I think he read them!
Wishing you peace - Doye
eric1971
eric1971
I'm sorry for your loss, and that this is a trigger for you. This was actually the first year my son didn't cry in the store seeing all the Mother's Day cards and gifts. I explained to him last year, gently, that it would be advertised every year, so he should think about the happy times, instead of that she's gone. Our daughter passed three days after our second wedding anniversary back in 2003, for years we couldn't celebrate, but eventually we did again. Maybe try starting a new tradition with your children, something to look forward to.
JesusisOurSaviour
JesusisOurSaviour
I understand how Mither's Day for you is a difficult time. I am sorry.

The people you want to be around are your children. You can cherish that day as a Mother. You will make some memories for your precious children.
Since she lost her husband, over the past twenty years, my MIL,has developed a root of bitterness in her heart. She has a heart of stone. it's so sad she has chosen to to cut herself off from her sons family. Loss can break a life or it can make a life worth living for a Purpose, even though it will never be the same!
Even though it will be Bitter/Sweet day, for you, please have a beautiful day, with your precious children. Life still goes on,albeit with some sadness.
Hugs.....and more hugs.......from one Mum to Another.......Sandra