Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I lost my darling husband suddenly on October 23, 2012 and the wonderful life that I knew and loved, ended.
I knew I could not do this horrible journey alone. Finding DS was a total lifeline...I joined in November. God Bless everyone here. The kind and caring people here were the first to say and explain that "the way out of grief is through it. So I started working a grief.
I started seeing a grief counselor and joined a support group at around 2 1/2 months. The only books I could read were grief books and I did, looking for anything to help me through this nightmare. Yesterday, I found one of the BEST books...I spent the day and night pouring through it and marking pages. It is called... Life after Loss by Bob Deits.
As a disclaimer, I do not know this man, nor will I make any money from telling you about this book. All I can tell you is that it has given me... HOPE..., tools to help me rebuild my life, and most important of all it has validated my grief and the way i have been going through this journey.
I have been a mess and struggling every minute of the day. I am a A type personality...the one who always takes charge and fixes things... and now, I could barely tie my shoes.I fell completely apart and all I did was cry. After reading this book, I feel like a ton has been lifted from my shoulders and heart. I called my sister who has been wonderfully supportive and read her part of it........... "more often that not, those who are having the worst time---who weep uncontrollably and seem to need the most help---are actually doing the best job of grieving." I told her we were doing a really good job if we go by that description. :)
The bottom line is, that for the first time in a very long time, I feel a small glimmer of hope that I won't be destroyed by the loss of my husband. But that, in it's self, is a frightening thought. I have come to know that I have a fear of letting go of grief and "moving on" because it means I am moving into a life I didn't ask for or want..... moving away from a man and life I loved and did not want to leave..... It feels like I am letting go of someone I loved more than anything. It means I am moving into unknown territory....and in the past I always had my husbands loving hand in mine when we moved into unknown territory. Now I'm alone. That is the horrible reality we all live with....and that brings me back to the book. One of the chapters is..."If it is to be, It is up to Me." So I will try to make those words work. I will try....!
And I know that this is the only place I could write the words that express what I'm feeling and fearing ( a swirling jumble of emotion and the crazy part of grief ) and be totally understood.
Sorry about the ramble...but I'm really glad I have this place and all of you to come to. Thank's for alway listening and caring.
Blessings,
Sharon
I knew I could not do this horrible journey alone. Finding DS was a total lifeline...I joined in November. God Bless everyone here. The kind and caring people here were the first to say and explain that "the way out of grief is through it. So I started working a grief.
I started seeing a grief counselor and joined a support group at around 2 1/2 months. The only books I could read were grief books and I did, looking for anything to help me through this nightmare. Yesterday, I found one of the BEST books...I spent the day and night pouring through it and marking pages. It is called... Life after Loss by Bob Deits.
As a disclaimer, I do not know this man, nor will I make any money from telling you about this book. All I can tell you is that it has given me... HOPE..., tools to help me rebuild my life, and most important of all it has validated my grief and the way i have been going through this journey.
I have been a mess and struggling every minute of the day. I am a A type personality...the one who always takes charge and fixes things... and now, I could barely tie my shoes.I fell completely apart and all I did was cry. After reading this book, I feel like a ton has been lifted from my shoulders and heart. I called my sister who has been wonderfully supportive and read her part of it........... "more often that not, those who are having the worst time---who weep uncontrollably and seem to need the most help---are actually doing the best job of grieving." I told her we were doing a really good job if we go by that description. :)
The bottom line is, that for the first time in a very long time, I feel a small glimmer of hope that I won't be destroyed by the loss of my husband. But that, in it's self, is a frightening thought. I have come to know that I have a fear of letting go of grief and "moving on" because it means I am moving into a life I didn't ask for or want..... moving away from a man and life I loved and did not want to leave..... It feels like I am letting go of someone I loved more than anything. It means I am moving into unknown territory....and in the past I always had my husbands loving hand in mine when we moved into unknown territory. Now I'm alone. That is the horrible reality we all live with....and that brings me back to the book. One of the chapters is..."If it is to be, It is up to Me." So I will try to make those words work. I will try....!
And I know that this is the only place I could write the words that express what I'm feeling and fearing ( a swirling jumble of emotion and the crazy part of grief ) and be totally understood.
Sorry about the ramble...but I'm really glad I have this place and all of you to come to. Thank's for alway listening and caring.
Blessings,
Sharon
I send you my sympathy today in your sadness (we have that to a degree every day) and pray that all the good things you have read will take hold in your life. Blessings to you!
I am glad you found a book that has helped you. I read a few before I found one that helped. Some of the ones I tried were so cold and clinical, and I knew right away the author had no clue what it was really like. Then one day I took my sons to the bookstore - a favorite outing of theirs and mine - and stumbled across "Seven Choices- Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World" by Elizabeth Harper Neeld. I thought the title was exactly reflective of what my experience was - losing Cliff completely shattered my world. Neeld's book was a HUGE help to me, I cannot recommend it highly enough. It was exactly what I needed.
I am glad you are feeling like you are making progress, and that the load feels a little lighter. What we are doing is not an easy thing, and most folks don't understand that. And thank you for the book recommendation - from time to time we have done posts with suggested books as a way of sharing what works. I am not familiar with the one you found - I will have to look for it.
I am glad you found this group and that it has helped you, too. It was my lifeline, and it helped me rebuild my life.
Love and Hugs,
Martha
Martha, I did just get Seven Choices.....next on the reading list.
Blessings,
Sharon
Big hugs to everyone here on DS...
-Diana