No suggestions bud as I'm way new. I know the feelings about trying to be strong for her. I did it through an extended illness that ended in my wife's passing. It breaks us as men as we not only lose our wives, our best friends, but also our future. I think all we can do is live day to day now. Those special days though, ugh. Veterans here probably have a lot more insight than me.

I wish I was more helpful as well. His Bday is coming up as well as our trip to Paris of which I still need to cancel and our move to NC was planned for August. I have no idea how to cope with these days ... the days leading up to and the day of. I am underwater trying to make it day by day. I hope others can chime in. Hugs to you.

Lots of hugs.

It's been a year since I lost the love of my life, my best friend, my soulmate.

By going to greif support group and listening to other people stories. I believe it is true we all grieve in are own way.

And deal with holidays, anniversary, and birthdays, differently.

Here are some ways I have heard in the group that people have gotten through the tough dates.

Some still buy their loved ones birthday cards and anniversary cards and write their emotions in the cards.

Some visit their loved at the cemetery and spend a few hours visiting, talking and having coffee.

A few at Christmas said that they had a few cocktails but on their favorite music and danced as they decorated the tree.

Most that are fortunate to have family and friends spend time and talk and remember their loved ones, share some tears and laughter.

They say that you should not grieve alone. If you are fortunate to have help and support hold on tight to your support system. It seems the people in the group that have family and friends it does help them.

Unfortunately I have no support system, everyone has passed. So I have not figured out how to cope with him gone. I Keep waiting for him to come home, this can't be true I'll wake up from this nightmare, but of course im still living in my nightmare. So when those hard days came, I just shut down and avoided them.

Just a few suggestions for you. God Bless

wow such a loss in common its scary, your wifes bday oct22 mine oct16 your wife death april 26 my wife april 22 wow thats crazy it doesnt make either one of us feel better we both feel great loss i tried to fill the hole in my heart with another but some how that made matters worse what i did find that helped was others like me to talk to . other widows. i never thought for one moment that she would die before myself. thats not how i saw things, but then she started having strokes 3 or 4 or more strokes that took her away piece by piece this lasted over three years but when her death came it was still very hard to take. i remember talking to her before she died it was very sad she was so depressed oh god its so hard to write now im crying badly i cant say what she said it hurts so bad i told her then if that happened i wouldnt be far behind you
, oh godim sorry i cant finish this its hurts to much

Annie, Hugs. It never stops hurting does it? It is because we loved them so very deeply. Hugs. We all thought we would grow old with them or we would pass before them. its devastating. I feel your pain.

Frozen2017 that is very good advice. I will take those on for myself.

For me, the day before a special event is hard for me, once the day has finally come, I feel relieved. Guess I make too much of it, anxiety anticipating the dread that day will bring. I make sure I am busy, being outside in nature, walking, sitting in the sun, being with family, anything to pass the day. I cannot sit home all alone on a special day, that makes it ten times worse, so I try to distract myself as best as possible. What a way to live. Holidays use to be so joyful, birthdays special, now special days I just wait til it's over with relief. Guess I wasn't much help but do know, special days are hard on all of us. Take care, Jan.

I spent my husband's first birthday doing charity work, because I knew that would put a smile on his face!

This August will be four years since my husband passed. The day after the date... my oldest son is getting married....smile. 10 days before the date....is my middle sons wedding anniversary...smile.
I made it through the first year, because I had to. I had young adult children...an aging father....etc...that needed me to be okay for them.
Every time the anniversary, birthday, special occasion days came up....
I focused on the happy memories that we had shared. There had been so many good times...smile
I watched my father sink into depression when my mother passed 20 years ago...
Seperating himself from family ....friends...his children and grandchildren....
My mother was such a warm loving vital person....I have always felt like it was a
Dishonour to her memory to do that....she was not freely spoken about....memories were not freely shared....it was like she had not existed....
I did not want my kids to feel like that about their dad. His name is freely spoken at family get together....memories are shared with love and laughter...
I hope you are able to get there soon....
Remember the good times..