Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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More crazy thoughts

mclizm
mclizm
In the beginning all I wanted was for the pain to go away. Now the initial raw grief is easing and the sad reality of life after death has become more common place. The tears don't come as often. The other day I even managed to tell a total stranger that my husband died this summer and not fall apart. It just hit me that I'm becoming used to this new life. I'm adjusting to living on my own. Not necessarily doing it well, but managing. This new turn of events brings more sadness. I'm moving forward whether I like it or not. I'm looking at photos of my husband and our life together knowing we won't be adding any more. All I have now are the treasured memories. And the emptiness within. I'm less of a person now because he's gone. I don't want to leave him behind but it seems inevitable. We're already being bombarded with Christmas and I so don't care. I don't want to celebrate. I don't want the world to go on as if nothing changed. I'm rambling I know. I'm not even sure what I'm trying to say. I just feel sad for all that I've lost. Liz
silverfoxwife
silverfoxwife
We wish we could roll back time and be with our love ones again. I too am afraid to leave him behind or forget him some day when my mind becomes weak. Photos and memories are all we have, treasure them always. Hugs.
tlsom
tlsom
I completely get what you are saying. I heard it said somewhere to look at it as moving forward rather than moving on....moving on implies leaving behind. Moving forward means we take their memory and our love for them with us into the new life before us. I was 39 when Chris died. I was and sometimes still am afraid I will forget him or our times together. So I used a journal and wrote out our special and just ordinary things to remember just in case. I will always love him...he will always be in my heart so he goes with me as I try to move forward. God bless.
KimKos
KimKos
I hear you Liz..I wish there was something I could say or do to ease your pain and I cant. The words leave behind...I feel like punching something...so at this moment the only thing I can do is move forward...it might only be upstairs to my room...I don't know what I am going to do when I get up there but if this desire to punch something is still with me..I will punch the bed...I will F-in keep punching the bed...or not. Sending everyone a hug...Im on a mission!!!
lrs55
lrs55
I think you speak the words of all of us here. Sometimes the pain is almost a comfort because it is a constant reminder of the one we loved most. So, yes, the lessening of the pain can seem as though they are leaving us yet again. I always fall back on my default position of remembering those people I know who lived through this before me. I remember their lives and that there is still value in being here and try to figure out what that value is. Right now I am just trying to be comfortable being me, and not looking to set the world on fire.

I truly believe that part of our spouse is with us always because they contributed to shaping who we are today. That is something deeper than pictures that resides in the core of our being. And, of course if we have children, our spouse is definitely present even more in them. We are eternal and I take comfort in that. There will be a reunion one day.
letmehelpyou
letmehelpyou
Liz: I think you know I am four years in. I have not forgotten one thing about J.R; from the little chip in one of his front teeth to the way he used to stare at me over his glasses. The difference is now I can smile and say I am so glad we had our time instead of be in despair because we didn't have more. Moving forward does not mean moving on; we carry them with us in every thing we endeavor. At least that is the way it has been for me.
I still get mad at the world sometimes for seeming to have forgot what a wonderful human being was lost. But then I remember that if I don't forget; he is still with us.
Coop84
Coop84
I totally understand what you are saying. I love the comment moving forward. Yes, I am trying to move forward and Art will be with me all the way!!! I am running away for Christmas. Going to stay at a Casino and Hotel here. Hope the holiday's go by fast for all of us. Hugs. Sue
nowjustme
nowjustme
I am feeling the same as you are.
sandeestttn
sandeestttn
You are not "leaving them behind". You are taking them with you (in your heart), to new adventures. Where you are, there I will be also, type of thing. After 21 months, I realized that. They are, and always will be a part a YOU. Sandee
Sara59
Sara59
My husband used to be very outgoing. He would always say hello to strangers and took time to shoot the breeze with everyone. I was not that way at all. But now I do say hello to strangers and take time to talk with people, just like I honor my parents' memory by listening and singing along with music from the 20's, 30's, and 40's. It always makes me feel better and a part of who they were when I do that.
Rainbow27
Rainbow27
Tomorrow I have a grief share support group and we bring pictures of our loved one to share and also share characteristics of our loved one we want to pass on to other loved ones still living to always remember. going to be a tear jerker meeting...

I will always remember his kindness, positiveness, quick smile, humor, his word was his bond, always felt secure, hard worker and good financial planner. God now I am crying. Miss him bunches.
kymberlycourt
kymberlycourt
It has been close to seven months sense Michael passed suddenly. For the most part I am doing very well. I have found myself becoming stronger and my desire to live life for the both of us has driven my need to live fully and completely . What has helped me to move forward is to take the memoires that Mike and I made together and tuck them safely inside me and to carry them to the new life that I am making for myself. I have found myself stronger and taking chances that I have never taken before. I know without a shadow of doubt that Michael is watching over me closely and smiling and taking pride in the women that I am slowly becoming. I wish you nothing but all the joy and love that life can bring you.

Kym
John1962
John1962
Hi Liz, nothing in what you say is unusual, in fact, I've just got through the one year anniversary and wondering the same thing. In many ways it seems just as tough, because the numbness has passed and its just the cold harsh reality left. Each day does get easier, i manage to function and negotiate the days challenges, but now and again you do hit that wall.
We were married 14 years, but together 19 and i had moved south to England from my native Scotland, when we met. I hate the idea of moving forward and making a new life without her, as we had so many shared dreams and plans - they don't seem to have the same charm now. Your not alone on this crap journey, so don't worry about rambling - sometimes thats just what we need.
John
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
After the acute loss came the deepest sadness. I felt so alone even in a room filled with people. I was most comfortable in our home where he was surrounding me in furniture and memories. It was part of my healing, but at the time it just felt so sad. I missed him in a total way with heart, mind and body. I missed every part of him.

It takes time to grow accustomed to being without them here physically, but with that loss comes an awareness of their physical presence comes a knowledge of a spiritual presence that becomes stronger with time. The physical loss remains but the spiritual presence gives us comfort and strength. Sharon
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