I think you can never tell how you will react until it happens. Sometimes I thought things would be hard - and they were not and I did not respond like I thought I would. I remember another time a friend invited me to a blues thing in my town with some of her friends (all were divorced except my friend) and I was so happy about going and thought I would have fun. Then I got there and all I could think about was that I would never be able to attend another event like this with my husband ever again and I felt horrible the whole time. It can be quite unpredictable. Best of luck.

After a year, I've found that the worry, anxiety and fear of facing a family gathering, a birthday or other "1st" is almost always worse than the actual event.

I've also found that some events that I dread terribly turn out to be perfectly fine.

Go ahead and go. You may find comfort in being surrounded by family. I know that I feel so much peace and contentment when I hold my grandaughter (she's 3 1/2 mths old). I also feel such a sense of hope when I see her.

But..... just in case.....

Drive yourself and park where you can leave quickly.
If you do decide it's to much for you, explain to the person you think will most understand why you can't stay and quietly leave. Let that other person explain why you're leaving.

Take heart. It will get easier with time. But it's a very slow process.

I think what is so hard is Ken was so involved in the grandchildren's lives and he was so proud to be a Great-Grandpa at such a young age he'd always say we are so lucky to enjoy not only our grandchildren but Lois we are getting to enjoy our great grandchildren so many don't get to see them.. He was looking forward to seeing this day.. I remember the day he had stopped in at our Granddaughters house and Konner got up and walked to him he was just ten months old.. he came home and went to me nana nanana Konner walked to me.. we laughed..
I can't drive myself at this point I'm legally blind.. I haven't driven in almost 5 years I have to depend on the kids to drive me.. I will just buck up and if I have to stay out of everyones way.. I'm sure I'll enjoy th elittle ones playing.. \
Part of my problem was I hadn't been out of the house since before Christmas till Ken went into hospital 7th of March.. I find it hard to leave the house with my sight afraid of falling can't see the uneven ground.. I'll just hold on to my daughter and son for dear life.. thank God I have them.. they have been fantastic to me
thank you all your giving me the courage I need..

Well I went.. it was hard and I started to have a panic attack this morning getting ready fo rmy Daughter to come and pick me up so put an ativan under my tongue.. So many there.. What sweeties though and I spotted my Great grandson Konner the birthday boy motoring around.. boy is has he mastered walking..
I got a huge hug from behind and the girl came around and continued to hug me She had had a Stillborn angel in Feb so I'm sur ethis was as hard for her as it was for me.. Her little boy is 17 months old and a cutie.. I teared up many time watching the kids thinking how much Ken was looking forward to Konner's 1st birthday.. He always helpped out at the parties.. I sat in the back when the cake was being done.. I tried to sing Happy Birthday but chocked up..was glad |I was back there and no one noticed..
We were suippose to all go back to my granddaughters but I just wasn't sure and when my daughter said in the car grabbing my hand Mum if you don't feel you want to go back with all those people I understand and I broke down then.. so I came home.. didn't want to put a damper on a happy occasion.. We had alomost lost Konner after he was born so this truly was a happy good day to see him so active and healthy..so a first hurdle over with

Well done Lois and I bet next year you will be filling in for your loving husband to help hands on in the celebration for Konner's 2nd birthday. You did it, you sucked it up and went even though you did not feel you could. Kudos

Cindy xxoo

I'm glad you were able to attend your great-grandson's birthday. You would probably been sad to miss it. And I think you did the right thing by staying back a bit during the cake singing...that kind of stuff can just work on us! Many times I have been asked to go do something or to be around other people and many times I have just politely declined...when we're ready we will know it. And sometimes I can go and not be bothered at all. Grief is funny that way...In the four short months since Mike's passing I have had to go through alot of firsts...Christmas, New Year's,Mike's birthday, Valentine's day, my birthday, and soon Easter... we all know life goes on, it's just not the same. And sometimes the new "normal" stinks. Hugs tonight. Jill

Oh Lois, I'm so glad you decided to go. What a lovely family you and your husband have created. He will always live on through them.

Whenever I see my grandaughter, I can see my husband's face reflected in hers. It gives me so much peace.

God bless.

Lois, I understand the anxiety issues, it took me quite a while before I felt comfortable "out". You were very brave to take on the party so soon. I'm sure it had a lot to do with your grandson--somehow we find the energy to do things for grandchildren or in your case, a great-grandson. I do know that often, family is persistant when it comes to gathereings and I'm sure the intentions are good but they do not understand the anxiety or how hard it is for us to deal with party situations. We have to integrate gradually, in our own time.

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. I hope you made it through this okay. It is normal for you to be "a blubbering person" right now. You have lost your soulmate. I am 5 months into this journey and never know when the tears are going to flow. I am thinking of you and sending you my prayers, Lu Ann

I have quit dreading the big things; they usually go okay. Now it's the small things that sabotage me....like a song on the radio or a sudden happy memory. I hope the day went well for you. Hugs, Kathy

You did well. I did go through that and it is hard. Don't worry about being a blubbering person. It is what it is. Let it be. In time you will be able to go to events like this without breaking down but they will always be bitter sweet. Hugs.