Only one week into this journey, I am so sorry for your loss. I have been where you are. It is almost six months for me and I sorted through the last of his clothes. Those I couldn't make a decision on I put in another closet. His clothes occupied the closet in our bedroom, it is now my bedroom and I have moved my clothes into the closet today.
Like you, my husband was my best friend. I had few friends I saw on any regular basis. Everything I did, I did with him. He was my confident, sounding board, advisor, tease, lover and the person I prefered spending time with. I used to say if I was stranded for years on an island he would be my choice of company. Our relationship was so easy, so loving.
You are in limbo but inch by inch you will move forward. One week is hardly time to even think of this being a reality. You are most probably quite numb and wandering around in a daze through the fog.
You know, if you had spent more time with friends being more independant being entertained with plans that did not include him you would be saying right now..I should have spent more time with him, I should have included him in more of what I did. It is just human nature.
Now there is that void and you become frantic trying to think of something to stuff it with. There is nothing. The void will always be there. You will navigate this path of grief and sorrow that we are all walking on. One day, months from now, you will read a new entry from someone who has just lost their loved one and you will think, I was there and you will look back at the path you have been walking on and know that you have made progress and friends.
But for right now, go ahead and grieve there will be a time for all things on earth. Bless you and know we are here for you, this site is a God send..

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Only one week on you must be in the depths of shock and disbelief and the pain and devastation of your life must feel almost unbearable to you. Lininsocal gives you good advice, a week is no time to even get to grips with the reality of what has happened to you but you will gradually move forward. People here understand what you are feeling, we have all been there. For me it will be 3 months on Sunday and I can hardly believe that I have survived for so long without him. Survival has been all that it is and that is the most we can demand of ourselves but gradually, and in the early days very occasionally, we find that glimpses of hope do creep in and we start to look for them. We start to help ourselves to try and feel better. I was like you in that my partner of 28 years was the centre of my life, even when I did things without him and now my strong centre, the rock that kept me stable and part of a living community has gone. It's so easy to blame ourselves and wish that we had done things differently but we did as we did because it felt right at the time, we didn't feel the need to change how we lived our lives. Lininsocal is right, however we lived with our partners, I think all of us could look back and say I wish I had done it differently. That is a natural part of the grief process along with many other terrible feelings we all have to endure. You have to believe that life will look less bleak in time, keep reading what others say on this site, it was my lifeline. You will find a new way to live in time but it is not something that you can even contemplate let alone plan at this very early stage. Just focus on getting through each day, or minute if need be, as best you can. The pain will be great, reach out as you need to. If you feel there is no-one close enough physically then do it on here. There is always someone listening, always someone who recognises what you are feeling and wants to help. It's not and never can be the same as the loved one you lost but the comfort and support you find will help to give you strength as you adjust to your loss. I ache for your heartbreak and for all of us who never wanted to be in this place. My love and thoughts are with you.

You did what you did. You had a special relationship with your husband and a closeness that made you both prefer to be together rather than separately with other people. You can always make friends now, but you will carry with you in your heart the memory of that close, intense relationship.

As others have said, this journey is filled with grief, self-doubt, and a burning desire for a "do-over" on too many things. Just go with the flow of your feelings and be gentle on yourself.

Hugs, Gail

I have to agree with everything Lininsocal said. I did the same thing that you did, and now of course I have no friends. But I would NOT have done it any differently because I got to spend that time with Dave. I would have felt so terribly guilty if I'd "wasted" time away from him only to have him die. We were together for 7 years, but were married 12 days short of one year when he died, so we never got to celebrate our first anniversary. I know if I'd taken time to spend with friends, I'd be wallowing in guilt right now.

As it is, the friends we DID have all dumped me after he died. I guess a single woman isn't wanted in a "paired' world. I haven't heard from any of them since his death. Some friends, huh?

I hope you'll feel better soon, and get out among people again. I'm sure you'll do well. God bless. Peace, Lee

One week. I am so sorry for your loss. Take your time and be so kind to yourself. Regardless of where you were, the now is very difficult...just be and love yourself the road is a tough and long one. We are here for you.

Kathy

One thing for sure about this grieving business is that we all have REGRETS. I emphasized that in all caps because that is the way we feel. If they were still here, we would be so busy with our lives we wouldn't have time to think about regrets. So, please don't be too hard on yourself.

I did pretty much the same as you did. I made my DH the main focus of my life and let my other friendship slide. I am not sorry for one second I spent most of the time with him. It will be 9 months for me on Sat. and I am still trying to put the pieces together and deal with the death. I am glad I made him the focal point of my life and would do the same again. Most of our friends were couples so now I no longer fit into their social realm. I am basically alone now, perhaps that gives me too much time to think. I am so sorry for your loss and hope things get easier for you.At one week, even one month I was basically catatonic!

I am so sorry for your loss. You did not do anything wrong. You loved your husband and the two of you were your world. I did the same thing with Jim. I had spent 31 1/2 years in a horrible marriage, eight years single and then I met Jim. He was the most wonderful, loving man I had ever met and I embraced that love with all I had. Outside of our families and a few close friends, we were complete together and totally happy just being alone with one another. When Jim died ten weeks ago at 11:08 last night, my world ended too. I am still trying to cope with each day without my husband and wondering why God would give us such great happiness and then take him away from me after only six+ years. I still haven't even begun to think about packing up his clothes, his number is still on my speed call and I still have his phone in service so I can call him and hear his voice. I know that someday I will have to deal with his clothes and I can't forever call his cell phone but right now I don't have to deal with anything but my grieving. Your journey is so new, just try to take care of yourself, sleep when you can, eat if you can, come to this site often.......everyone here does understand exactly what you are going through and the ones further along in this terrible journey can give you hope and good advice. Sending you a hug for today and keeping you in my prayers as you begin this awful journey no one want to make. Dianne

Hi,
I am so very sorry for your loss. I have learned in this past year, that there is no good reason to have any regrets.
We all live our lives the way we want to, we do what is best for us at the time, so why regret that?
Rich was my whole life, my best and only friend and I could never regret that choice. Instead, I carry those feelings with me every day.
I would never have done anything different, and I know in my heart, neither would he. If the tables were turned, he would be the one here alone and he could face life without regrets.
If your life with your husband was beautiful, as ours was, it always will be. Try not to waste your energy in regrets but instead hold all those good times close to your heart. I realize it is very soon for you, but you will see eventually that those regrets will vanish.
I despise the fact that all our future plans are no more, but Rich will always be in my heart and soul and I refuse to carry any regrets. one day, you will too!
Take care of yourself with love, Mo

Don't ever regret a minute of the time you spent with your husband. If you would have filled some of that time with friends, you would most likely now be regretting the time you spent with others besides him. I also made my husband the center of my life. We were never apart. We even had our own business, so it was literally 24/7 that we were together. We had no friends outside of our children and a couple of family members. Yet, I still find myself regretting the ways that I could have done more for my husband, been there more for him, complained less....As others have said, we will always have our regrets. No matter what we do while we have them, we always wish we would have done differently.
At one week, it was all just starting to sink in for me. The first week, I was amazed at how well I had done. Week 2 and 3 were a night mare. Now, I am at 6 weeks and gradually starting to find some kind of routine as I adapt to my new world. I will never be who I was with him, but maybe parts of me will re-emerge one day.
Best wishes to you

Truhal, I feel your pain so deeply. Although I am a social person, my husband, Jimmy, was my very best friend. When he was dx with cancer five years ago, I made changes in my life. I dropped out of some things that didn't seem important anymore. I did not want to go to meetings at night, and be away from him. We still went out with friends, had friends over, etc,but I devoted all my time to Jimmy, and I don't regret one minute of it. I couldn't be with him enough. So, what I am telling you is this, if you were on the other side of this conversation, you would be filled with regret. Why wouldn't you have wanted to spend your time with your love? Your heart is broken now, the years ahead seem endless, I know. It is way too soon to worry about forever. If you make an effort, you will make friends. It does take an effort though. The first thing that will help, is when people reach out to you during this time, accept their offers of help. Don't shut them out. It is tempting to grieve alone and not leave the house. I worried if I did that, kept saying "no", that after a while, people would give up-so, I say yes even when I don't feel like it. It is all such a nightmare for us, and especially for you since it is so very new. Use all your inner strength to get through these very difficult first weeks. Everyone here will help you with all that entails. Hugs to you from me.

You know the worst part is that we both had jobs that kept us away from home. The time we spent together was never enough because we didn't get to spend that much time together. It was work mostly. He'd said that once he got our business off the ground we'd be able to spend more time together. Now, it's too late and I do have regrets about not spending more time with friends. It's just that at the time, because of the limited time we had to be together, I thought it was great to spend all our free time together. Reading your post, I guess I wouldn't have done it any other way. Still, I'm so miserable now, I'm not sure.

Truhal,

I know a little of how you feel. I did the same thing with my husband but it was not all my fault. He ailienated many of my friends and well do to family event with a member from his side of the family my family would never come visit me until he died. We had just switched churches also and so I was not very well connected as yet with anyone when he passed couple that with nearly getting divorced only 9 months earlier and well you get the picture. I have had a lot of healing to do and felt very alone. It ture there is no going back all we can do is learn from it. Get plugged into a church or social group your confortable with and discover who you are and what you like one days at a time one step at time.

I realized that I love to read. I also realized I have some talent for writing that needs to be cultivated. I also have a passion for issues that singles and young adults/teens face and families face. I have decided to take all the books that I read and start doing some reports and see if I can't get some books published. This may seem boring to some but it is my hobbie. It doesn't require going out and meeting people unless I am taking a writing class to improve my writing skills or going to a book signing or to hear an author speak, but it has potential to also get me out there doing training seminars in the long run and then I will not be lacking for interaction.

So look at what you have already been blessed with and see how you can put it to good use for others. You may discover you really like hiking or rock climbing or bike riding and can join groups that do these kind of things together.

As for movies etc. Those have not gone away they just look different because there is someone missing. Honestly though going to the movies is not bad alone. Once the lights go out no one knows your there by yourself or cares. No one will comment. No need to be embarassed or self conscious and when the light come up their to busy thinking about the best/fastest way to exit. You'll find it is not big deal. As for eating out alone, that can be really relaxing. Bring your favorite book or magazine and relax and enjoy a meal out. I have gotten to the point where I have made up my mind that if I am going to go out to eat, at my favorite whole in the wall resturant, I will tell the seating person to ask the next single person regardless of age or sex if they would care to have company for dinner as I will pay for their meal if they eat with me. Viola, new friend, dinner companionship and a good deed done in one fell swoop. Now if it works will be a miricle. I'll let you know if you want.

As for your pace, IDK what you have been through in your marriage or how long your hubbie was sick. Some who have been in a very abusive relationship are extreemly relieved when the spouse passes, that doesn't mean they don't need time to grieve and adjust - it just means they may not need as much as someone else. Same for someone who has been the primary care giver for a spouse who's health has slowly been declining and they have been cooped up with him/her 24/7. They may initially feel relieved because they no longer have the extra work and they are getting more better sleep, but eventually the grieving does hit and it usually hits hard. Sorry to say. Only from what I have seen on here and in my grief share groups I would caution you to take it slow and give yourself time. Really there is not competition out there to get back to "normal". Nothing will every be the way it was. You will have to find a new "normal" for yourself, try to enjoy the journey.

There are many things I would have done differently also. But - as far as friends - I made an effort to make friends and my husband worked lots of hours. Some of the "good" friends I (thought) I made have now deserted me since my husband died. But - I have several people who are now asking me if I want to get together with them. Friends can always me made and many of the friends I tried so hard to have and keep do not seem interested in me now. You will find ways to seek out new friends if you want to - work, religion, interest groups, etc. I have found there are many people who are either single or even married - yet not too happy with their marriage, who also would like friends. It will come in time and good friends can be made quickly if you're right with each other.

like most have said here, it is way to early to beat yourself up over the friend issue. you are miserable right now and will continue to be until some more time passes. you have to walk through the grief and don't worry about tomorrow, just today and take it minute by minute. you will discover your own pace and the ways of dealing that help you the most. try to stay busy. do things maybe you couldn't do before. like for me, my husband would never let me clean his office and when he was gone i finally got to do it. i smiled silently as i pictured him standing there saying "get out of my office'! when you are ready to start forming your own life decide what interests you. a painting class? a bowling league? a journal or writing class? a gardening class? going to church? you could meet new friends doing activities like that. continue to come here, there is lots of wisdom, insight and help here.