I recently lost my wife a little less than two months ago.  She was just a few weeks shy of her 43rd birthday.  We met in highschool and were inseparable ever since.  We spent 25 years together.  She was my wife, best friend, soul mate, etc...I have been fortunate to have a full time job that I have to go to every morning, so it helps to focus my mind.  But it's when I get off of work that my mind wanders.  As I pull out of the parking lot at work, and realize that there isn't anyone waiting at home anymore.  I have no desire to shop at the grocery store or anywhere else.  I find myself literally driving in circles or up and down the main street (small city) over and over again.  I pull in a store lot and just sit there for several mintues before changing my mind and going to another.  This repeats itself over and over again, until I just give up and drive home.  That's when the real heartache sets in.  For 25-yrs I've always had someone to share my thoughts with, and talk about our days.  Not anymore.  I literally have no one.  My siblings live on the East coast and Midwest, while I live all alone in the Southwest.  I spend most of my free time visiting my grandson, but I try and give my daughter and him some room too, as I don't want them to feel smothered.  I've tried to look at a map and see some places I'd like to go, but it just seems pointless to do anything, knowing that she won't be there to share the experience with, or see her smile along the way.  If I don't have her to share it with, then what's the point?  I'm not suicidal by no means, as I would never leave my grandson like that, but I just don't see much point in anything.  I used to always say there is a huge difference in living and exisiting.  It seems all I'm going to do from now on is the latter of the two.