Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I lost my husband April 23,2013. He was my everything and he is gone. I do not have any kids with him, because of my I had to have a hysterectomy in 2006. We used to breed Siberian Huskies so we had a small business going on. My Martin was very Stubborn when he would get sick I had to fight with him to go to the doctor. My Martin was a diabetic and he would never check himself. The last time he got sick was with pnemonia which he would not go to the doctor and the pnemonia turned into double pnemonia. I called his father and that man treated me like crap the whole night my Martin was struggling to breathe.
When my Martin passed away and we were making funeral arrangments my father in laws wife my husbands step mom yelled at me during the arrangements. Then when I got my husbands ashes back well I called my father in law and told him he can come over anytime to talk with me. He told me it is not going to happen I am not coming over there at all. I think that my father in law and my husbands daughter are blaming me for Martins death. I just want to know is it common for people to blame the widow or widower? and do they ever come to talk again?
When my Martin passed away and we were making funeral arrangments my father in laws wife my husbands step mom yelled at me during the arrangements. Then when I got my husbands ashes back well I called my father in law and told him he can come over anytime to talk with me. He told me it is not going to happen I am not coming over there at all. I think that my father in law and my husbands daughter are blaming me for Martins death. I just want to know is it common for people to blame the widow or widower? and do they ever come to talk again?
As far as relationship with your in-laws, of course their behavior is very hurtful, but your husband was that connection between you and them. Apparently, they dont feel like keeping that connection now.
Would you have chosen them o be your friends it it were not the circumstance that they happened to be his family? If you would not chosen them as friends, than it is easier to learn to be without them since it seems like he only choice left. It is painful because you want to share with those who was close o him, but they are unwilling, and even mean to you..
Focus on surrounding yourself with people who care about you, don't fight for their attention, because some people incapable of empathy, or love. Seek those who understand your loss, and willing to offer you a shoulder to cry, share memories, and help you in this dificult time.
Also , they lost him too, and perhaps it is their way of grieving, keeping this in mind might help to forgive them.
Hug
I want you to know that it is not your fault. Your father-in-law is a jerk and you don't need him in your life. Martin made a mistake just like my wife did. If they only how painful it would be for us when they pass I know they would have changed their eating habits. I am sorry for your loss. I am sending you a friend request cause I think we have a lot in comon
I am also sorry that your in laws are reacting this way towards you. Best to let them do what they want to do, and if that means not talking for some time then that is what it takes.
Relationships with in laws do change regardless of how connected we were to them previously, with our spouses friends. I am finding only the in laws that truly care keep in touch, and friends either mutual or of our spouses that care will also keep in touch. I would say I have lost over half of communication with in laws and friends since my wife passed away, the ones who remain are the ones that are there for support.
I am not sure if they will ever come around and talk again, but the way I would see it is if they are not going to be there for support, and have only caused you harm by yelling at you, you don't need their support. I know they are grieving and this is probably their intial reaction in their journey, but it is best they leave you alone and best that you have your time away from them so you can try to focus on you. You are what is important in your life now. You have lost your husband and now are on this journey none of us want to be on.
Protect your heart, you did all you could. My heart to you. My husband was also a little stubborn. Due to past experience and attack from his family when his father passed, He chose not to let them know the extent of his illness. I only have a few that held it against me, they are not part of my social world now. I hope it works out for you, but be prepared it may take time and for some never. Let them go.