Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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maryelnew 05/07/2015

I think it is because the weather here is beautiful today. his disease did not allow him to be out in weather that was too cold or too hot and today is just the type of temperature that would have made him feel better. I sat on my porch and ate lunch. Bittersweet on the memory front, anger at the unfairness of his almost making it to spring when he would have had more energy, even though I know that the hot weather to follow in a few months would have been bad for him as well. and then just the general why was this winter so bitterly cold and that overwhelming feeling of could I hvae done more. I know I had no control over his disease but don't we always want to think we are more powerful than we really are? I really don't want to go back to work, but 4 more minutes and my lunch break is over so I better go pull myself together.

soalone2to1 05/07/2015

So sorry that you are having a hard time today. This is an up and own journey and sometimes it comes out of nowhere. Guilt is also a natural part of the process, bu know that you did all you could under the circumstances and that Im sure he knew that also. The 1st year is very very difficult and the feeling are so all over the board. On a beautiful day I too miss my husband more. This was his kind of day too. A big hug to you and know that you are not ever alone here on DS. Many others have and are walking this path with you. Baby steps and deep breaths.

matoacalady 05/07/2015

I understand maryel......the other day I was sitting on the patio and it was warm and a wonderful breeze....it took me back to a day right after his lung surgery when we were sitting out there just talking....trying to be hopeful for our future....I could see him sitting in that chair.
Some days are easier than others.....but I made it thru the dark cold winter with all of the snow and ice, and I will make it thru these bittersweet spring and summer months too. Not looking forward to certain dates, but I know I will come here for the comfort and hugs I will need.
Please know you are in our thoughts.......

Jen

dschwartz 05/07/2015

Isn't it amazing how many "triggers" there are for all of us? It's crazy! A beautiful day, a wintry day, an autumn day . . . all Holidays and birthdays, anniversaries thrown in between. It seems hard to catch a break sometimes! When we do get those breaks . . . we need to cherish the moment, the hour, the day and rest up knowing that another curve ball is soon to come, especially in early grief. As time passes, it does become less painful and easier to deal. Our pain is never forgotten, but becomes more like a dull ache versus the acute stabbing pain. Hang in there Maryel . . . it didn't come to stay, it came to pass. I promise you . . . time does do it's magic healing. There are too many here that have travailed the path before us with these promises. We must have faith to believe in these shared journeys that offers us strength and hope for brighter days ahead. Hang in there. We're here. Hugs, D

wendimac 05/07/2015

Everything seems like a trigger for me...one day at a time, it's all you can do...

matoacalady 05/07/2015

Sometimes it is just hour to hour wendi......I can already feel the sadness really creeping back as tomorrow is another Friday.

Whew this is so hard.......

JesusisOurSaviour 05/07/2015

Maryel,
Those Triggers can be hard to deal with initially, in fact they are painful. I don't think those triggers ever leave us, there will always be memories. Good ones and not so good.
I took a long bus ride to visit a friend, today, when I passed the waterfront, a flood of memories gripped me.....one led to another ...I just quietly cried for 15 minutes and dried my tears....I had sunglasses on. The bus was full of people.
Now, I can just let those moments happen and accept my lovely memories of precious times with my Ben.
Yes, even that sentence,,,,makes me sad....and tear up....It's just the way it is.
Hugs...Sandra

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