Garry,
It's profoundly empty....is the only word I could think of when thinking of the loss of our loved one's touch.

I used to love to hold Morey's hand. Even when he was asleep, if I would reach for his hand....somehow, in his sleep, he would reach for mine and we'd wake up together holding hands.

I totally understand and feel for your loss of that touch. There is no secret resolution for this loss....we must close our eyes, in our quiet moments....and just remember! In those memories, as they wash over us, will our loved one's come to us, to remind us of days gone by!

I understand,
Roz

Hi Garry,
The single most difficult thing for me was not being able to hold Juanita's hand. Roz' description of "profoundly empty" says it all. I also found that the most significant triggers of grief for me were those things associated with her hands -- her gloves, her handwritting, her fingernail polish, etc. For me, it was by Juanita's touch that I recognized a difference between her and the women I had known before her. I never felt a touch before -- I mean I really felt her. Now, I know it was our spiritual connection. I know, pretty boring "fireworks", but that is how I knew. So Garry, I get it. Good thing is, we now recognize what was really important to us. ~~ Scottie

Garry, out of everything I miss, I miss him holding my hand, and me laying on his shoulder everynight before we would fall asleep. it's so hard to look over to where my husband use to lay his head, and we would hold hands in bed, and just snuggle/cuddle, and talk. I miss that more than anything else. Doesn't seem to subside with time, just realize that my husband is gone forever, and he will never be able to do these things with me, here on this earth anymore. I totally understand what your saying, but of course, this is from the gals point of view. much love and big hugs carla

Funny how we seem to feel the same things at the same times,,,I was just reminiscing (ok daydreaming) of him hugging me and my head on his shoulder. I could almost feel the warmth but then I come to my senses. Ten months soon and it seems all the little things are getting to me. I thought it would be easier by now but it hasn't subsided at all. I don't break down as often, I'm just in a fog and daydreamingIf only

I really miss holding my husband's hand. Something we did constantly - just sitting watching tv, in the movie the theater, even while he was driving he would reach over and take my hand. Such precious memories. How fortunate we were to have someone who loved us so deeply with all their heart and soul. Yes, miss holding his hand...

One of my fondest memories is holding my wife's hand. One time we were at a meeting, and a woman looked at us and said "you must be newlyweds. Married people don't act like that." We told her we'd been married 25 years. She was a bit shaken.

In my minds eye, after 8 years on this journey, I can feel my sweet husband's hand on my arm or back. I can feel my head on his shoulder and cherish the moment. I began closing my eyes and getting in touch with those moments when I felt his love in his touch. You will feel it too when the time is right and the memories bring happiness instead of longing for what has been lost. Sharon

sigh... sitting here friday night, in my p.js watching t.v. looking over where my husband would lay, and he would lean over kiss me, and tell me, I love you, and then he'd grab and hold my hand, and then say, are you going to lay on my shoulder, how do you top hat? I just don't know that I want to start over with someone else, and have to relearn all their indosyncronise? quirks, annoyances etc... Sean and I never felt that way. sigh, anyone else feel that way? much love and big hugs carla

Garry, I understand every word.

Just over 5 months and fighting severe depression. .

I keep walking around and holding out my arms and
remembering what it was like to hold my wife. I can
almost feel her in my arms and then reality hits and
I know there is nothing there but empty space.

I walk up to the kitchen sink and remember what it
was like to surprise her with a hug or when I sat at
the kitchen table and would grab her shirt as she
walked by and wouldn't let go until she gave me a
hug or a kiss.

I lay in bed and hold the pillows and, just for a moment,
pretend it is her until realty hits again. I go to sleep
holding some of her clothes that still have her scent
and I talk to her until I fall asleep.

If I am still, at times I hear her voice and things she
used to say to me. That usually brings tears but, in
some way, it seems to help me. .

I don't know if all of the above is mentally healthy but
it is the only thing I know to do while looking at all of
the emptiness around me.

I do not yet know the solution to the emptiness but my
crying, prayer, crying, prayer, crying routine seems to
help me through the darkest moments.

Keep fighting it, Garry.

Darrell

thank you for bringing this subject up! I've felt the same as all of you. When we walked out in the country our hands swinging by our sides, our hands found each other (now the 'back forty' walk is lonely). Same while walking at the mall etc., holding hands. And during (long) church sermons, I held his hand. Now am so lonesome in the pew. Years before his cancer he had a heart attack which was a wake up call to me and ever since. in the night, I'd awake and hug him but truly was listening to his heart beat and appreciating that it did. So appreciative! My poor girlfriends now all have to listen to me tell them to appreciate their guys! I have no solution. But a counselor told me whenever I have a sad thought, to replace it with a happy memory. As for hugs, Heaven only knows how much I miss them. A virtual hug to each of you. It is good to 'speak' with you all, who understand.

After reading all the comments we were truly blessed. I see many of our couple friends and I realize now they never had what we had. They use to make fun of us because we were together a lot and was always laughing. I see so many miserable couples and cannot understand for the life of me why our time together ended.,,Just feel beaten down lately and tired of wondering why, why..

I miss the morning cup of coffee next to each other, talking about things
I miss not having him here to help fix fence and do things I can not,
I miss doing all the fun things we did as I can not longer do them alone, and our couple friends avoid me now.
I miss having someone around to ask what should we do about this or that, and having the person who has your back PERIOD

I miss that all so much. I read the words of your post and the posts of everyone before me and I really miss all of the things every one mentions. I don't have any advice on how to get through it because I am still feeling the profound emptiness.

Take care

I reach for her hand whenever I get out of the car and head into someplace... I miss getting my back scratched too. I miss her touch.

Hey Garry,
If you get any suggestions please pass them on. It's one thing to stare at pictures but the actual touch can't be replaced. Our bed is the emptiest place I have ever been as of now. Just to wake up with her there or sleeping knowing she is there. It can't be replaced. Half of me is gone, the best half.
Peace, Tim