I'm coming up on six months and I know what you mean about the fog starting to lift. You are not alone in how much we miss our spouse, I miss my wife every minute of the day. Thoughts & Prayers are with you through this journey!

I know for me, my husband was not simply the man I was married to. Not only my best friend. Not only the father of our 3 sons. Not only a bonafide genius (He was an industrial laser engineer/tech for Mitsubishi...so yeah- genius) but he was my greatest habit. All things, all day pertained to him, his likes and enjoyment. Not because he demanded it- but because it delighted me to delight him.

Maybe I'm just weird, but it was my joy to please him and when he died...so much of my purpose and drive in life did too. I had to learn that it is the LORD that my life is to revolve around in pleasing and bringing joy to. It's difficult still, because there is no face to see the delight, no sounds of enjoyment to encourage me... yet I press on to the goal.

Blessings to you in this time of mourning.

I am at 4.5 months and Violet, like you, I have completed all of the legal, banking and insurance type things that kept me so busy the first few months....now, I just miss him so....I miss his big tight bear like hugs the most... I always felt safe and warm in his big arms......my poor Grandkids, I am always telling them Grandma needs hugs....kids seem to be the only ones who give total unconditional Love and Huge Hugs like he did....

And flwrgrl, I know what you mean....I was telling my Mother-in-law the other day that one of the things I miss most is doing things for him...some times I even have to catch myself in a store because I find myself looking at shirts for him....

Hugs to all....Lin

Violet that seems to have the hardest time for me. The fog lifted and reality set in. No more denial. It was true. He was really gone and not ever coming back. I was devastated. My heart just broke more and I felt physically wounded. There were days I could barely function or be around anyone. But little by little I began to have better days. So many wonderful memories of him and my life began to surface and I could find myself smiling instead of crying all the time. I promise it will get better in time. You will not ever stop missing him in my opinion but the memories will not cut so deeply. I am at about 10 months now and I laugh and am so glad I got to share my life with such a sweet & loving man. I was blessed. Now I live with my memories but I have 2 wonderful grown kids and my precious grandson who is a year old now. I have to do lots with him & make sure he knows about his Grandpa Don. I think of you all who are on this lonely journey and you are all in my prayers. Take care, Lucy

I still miss him all the time and I am at 19 months. It's not really any easier now then the beginning. I was numb back then. I still hoping for better days.

My wife has only been gone 2 weeks today. It terrifies me to know that this lost, confused, numb feeling could last for months or years. I honestly don't see how I can hang on that long. I miss my Sharon so desperately.

flwrgrl- I am also really missing making my husband happy and taking care of him. He had some health issues and used a wheelchair, so I did what I could to make it easier for him. [He did a lot to make things easier for me too.] I try to let this comfort me, that I was able to be there for him. Somehow the sadness of now not being able to be there for him always wins. I hope that one day we all can find some peace and calm and that the pain does indeed ease a bit.

I am at 3 years 3 months now. I believe I will always grieve (if that's what the sorrow is, which I will always have). However, grief has degrees of pain. For me, during the first year the pain was indescribable, so strong it almost overwhelmed me, it disabled me, it almost destroyed me. After the first anniversary of his death, it helped me to know that I wouldn't ever have the "firsts" again. That made me feel a lot better. During the second year, I continued with lots of tears but the pain was definitely less than during the first year. The third year seemed to move me at a faster pace in getting used to being alone, being unafraid (but not happy) to come home alone to a dark house. My joys also increased during the third year. My church family helped me a lot (emotionally). My grandchild become my focus and I have gotten very involved with him (6 yrs old). My life now has more components than it did in the first year when I had such gut-wrenching pain. I've even branched out, gathered up my strength and self-confidence and bought a used RV which I am not afraid to drive or even go camping in alone. All these things I didn't have in the first or even the second year. But now I have "A LIFE" so to speak. It's not ever going to be the love and happiness I had with Joe. It will never be as good (at my age). But it will be good. But only in proportion to the effort I put into it. I had to get rid of my FEAR. Fear of EVERYTHING. That was huge. I had to be energetic and do things I didn't at first feel like doing, but I did them (just disciplined byself to do them).

Life does get better. Everyone has their own timeline, so don't think your life should mirror mine. Everyone has their own path. Just know that you are NORMAL, even if your life doesn't look like anyone else's. Hang on. It does get better.

Hello Violet,
For me it has been one year and 9 months. The missing does not stop. There is always an ache, an empty spot that can't and won't be filled. But we do put one foot in front of the other, and each day goes by, and we try to do the best we can with the hand that was dealt. Honoring his memory by trying to be more like him is what I do to ease that pain. He was a better person than I in many ways, so I work toward acquiring those qualities that were natural to him, that I admired, but did not possess. It helps.
Gloria