I feel the same way, lovesloon....if only I can walk with you so we both don't feel so all alone. Sending you some virtual hugs right now...xxx

I went for my usual walk yesterday on the trail along the lake and then went for a walk on the pier. At the end of the pier I usually feel the most alone. It is so beautiful there but in spite of that it seems so empty without Mike. ((Hugs))

I feel the same, I walk on a trail and see couples I say hi keep walking holding back tears. It’s 6 weeks for me, and only this group can understand the loneliness.
It seems everyone is going on with their lives and I’m stuck. Hugs to u all.

Sancan, at six weeks hiking was not even on my radar, congratulations on keeping moving. When I started walking again, I planned it so chances of encountering people was low, a sad advantage of being male is walking alone at night. Then sunglasses during day walks to hide behind, last was the mall, 8 months since my wife passed, and still not close to normal yet. Actually new normal without her is better expectation.

I walk to the mailbox every day, hoping no one is out walking their dogs and that no cars will pass through. They usually will stop, even though it's not a designated crosswalk. My glasses turn dark in the sunlight, which is a plus. The hand holding gets to me too. Not fair. When my LH was ready to go walking,he'd say, "Put your shoes on Lucy. Don't you know you're in the city?" He'd take me by the hand, and off we'd head for the park behind our house where we lived. It has good trails, but I just can't go there now.

Special moments like walking in the park as we used to do holding hands with our beloved, shouldn't be painful but alas it is and perhaps always will be. I see no end in sight for me. Thanks for everyone's stories, makes me feel not so alone.

Lovesloons today I gave away my wife’s beloved mountain bike, many fond memories of beautiful locations, and bitter memories when I hung it up for the last time when she could no longer ride. I stopped that day too. Starting up again, another table for one experience.

lovesloons Sometimes I just feel jipped seeing other couples and other times I just want to go up to them and let them know how lucky they are, Hug to you Kim

Lovesloons, I have also been where you are - at first angry and then jealous of all those lucky couples I see when out walking. Now (after 8 months) I'm starting to more often smile and remember the good times when Nancy and I looked like them. It's still bittersweet, but I am focusing more on how blessed we were to have that time together. Sometimes it's a struggle to keep that perspective, but I do think that's the way to heal. Just take it a day at a time. Hugs and best wishes to all. Joe

I can relate. I seem to always notice couples. It makes me sad. I feel robbed. I feel as if something very valuable has literally been taken from me and I am trying so hard to replace it and be made whole again but I can't find a replace me, or relief from their absence. I can't find anything to distract me from my hope that we would have the life I always thought we could. I wish I could stop thinking about it. I wish I could accept and be content where I am.

Virtual hugs!!!!

I am so very sorry for your loss. It takes time. Its always good to not feel alone. I was feeling alone and I got this virtual hug and I found my way here. Reading through the posts I see we aren't alone at all.

Up until now I was good about pretending to be happier than I am. I do it all the time. I was taught to smile at a little girl. I can even smile at funeral but now I am finding it hard to do that. For some reason I have this overwhelming feeling to be in my truth. A few weeks ago a sorority sister was mentioned she needed more support which means she needs me to do more in our sorority. I got offended and basically went off. There is no participation requirement but there is the pressure other members put on other members. We are suppose to go to everything and be apart of everything but that's for people who do not have a life. She got offended when I said I have too much on my plate and I can't do any more. Last night another sorority sisters said I can believe you are going to school, working 2 jobs and active in public service and church. I can't believe it either. I was surprised that she actually understood. I feel very tired all the time. I can't wait to finish my dissertation so that I can breath. I want to grieve without the stress of the dissertation hanging over my head. My primary job is so stressful. I have a supervisor that is always running over to my desk asking me crazy questions but basically he is checking to see if my butt is in the seat. I can't stand it. When I get home I lay across my bed and it's the next day. Everyone around acts like everything is ok and nothing happened. My school homecoming is coming up and I'm afraid my line sisters will want to stay at my home because I live close to the school. The last time I did that, they ran me to death. I was never so tired and ready for them to leave in my life and totally don't feel up to doing that this year. No aspect of that am I looking forward to. Now if they understood that I'm grieving I wouldn't be put in this situation at all. I'm just physically and mentally tired. I haven't really had a chance to grieve since the day he passed on 1 Sept 2017. I keep telling myself I should feel better but I feel like I'm become worse. Someone asked me was I dating, and I almost ripped their head off. People can be insensitive.

Yes, I remember using a London tube 3 months after my husband's death. This middle aged couple sitting across from me, so damn snuggly and cuddly and romantic. I broke down right then and there, turned my face away staring through the window and choking on my tears. Boo, hoo, poor me....
Thank God, that time passed and now I moved on (sort of) as I can look at snuggly couples and feel happy for them.

Oh Loveloons, It's so hard. You've lost your best friend. I'm so sorry for your pain and loneliness.
It's especially hard when you're around couples having a wonderful time.

My husband and I used to sometimes sit in the living room, in the dark, and just talk after the children had gone to bed.
I have very nice memories of staring at an unlit Christmas tree for an hour, or watching a lightning storm play in the clouds a hundred miles away.
We would talk about how thankful we were for God's beauty and for our relationship and our family.

After my husband died, all those wonderful little things became a source of pain and loneliness.
One night, a couple of summers ago, I saw one of those great lightning shows going on outside my bedroom window, so I pulled up the shade to watch it. I prayed, "Lord, I wish I could share this." Then, I suddenly realized I WAS sharing it. I said, "Oh God, You and I are sharing this together now, aren't we!" and I was filled with peace, and fell asleep watching that beautiful scene outside my window.

We don't have to put a brave face on when we don't feel brave. It's okay to feel sad. But you have many better days coming too.