Oddly, I was just talking to my stepson about this. We're both finding that we're just not remembering stuff. I've taken to writing down everything that I've said I'm going to do otherwise it just goes straight out of my head.
Fortunately, the pan I left on the stove when I forgot to turn it off didn't burn the house down and the water pump I forgot to turn off didn't burn out (although I did run that tank dry).
He completely forgot to hand in a university paper (but luckily the lecturer was aware of our circumstances and was very understanding)
We both agreed that it feels like we're functioning ok and it's only after we miss something or do something silly that we realise we're not!
Hopefully, it will ease in time (it's 4 weeks today since Martin died).
The fear thing is more of a concern to me. I've never been a fearful person in the past, but now I lock the doors as soon as it's dark (we never locked them when at home before) and I worry about getting robbed while I'm away at work (again I never really thought about it).
I really dislike feeling afraid but have been told it's likely to do with having the whole base to my life wrecked without warning and quite common to people who live through major physical disasters.
I am currently reading Joan Didion's memoir "The Year of Magical Thinking" about the year after her husband died suddenly and am identifying with so much of it.

The feeling of being afraid, well I find that especially when I wake in the morning. I also find that I dont pay full attention when people speak to me...almost like im not there,...
These ups and downs well, they are so hard at times..

Big wave from me in Scotland to all out there who understand such loss and care.

Lawrence

It's all normal, if that's what we want to call it. There's certainly nothing "normal" about it. but it does decrease with time.
The fear, the lack of concentration, the whole not being here feeling...it all gets better. I'm into the 5th month since Michael died and I do feel better. Not terrific like kicking up my heels but I can function pretty well now.
Peace & hugs,
Nancy

I do understand about being forgetful. There have been and probably will be many times where I have forgotten to do something I was about to go into the process of doing but forgot what I was about to do. I figure it is all down to my mind wondering about this whole situation, the reality of now that I am in, and sometimes when forgetful it is because I am thinking of my wife more than anything else.

The feeling of fear or being afraid I also fully understand. Couple this with forgetful moments and it can be a great anxiety builder. Example being when leaving the house for work or just to go out, making sure the door is locked and then when travelling thinking about did I remember to lock the door. It gets complicated but it does seem to ease over time - at least a little bit for me. It is a worry but I think it is very understandable.

Loss of memory is common. The stress caused by the death of someone you love actually changes your body chemistry.....including your brain.

It's also very common for those that have lost their spouses to experience unusually high health problems themselves within the first year...... I believe I read that the % of widows and widowers hospitalized in the first year after the death of their spouse is 50% higher than the rest of the population.

I know I had some really weird illnesses during my first year that have never occurred since.

That's why it is so important to take care of yourself during this time.

Yes, I did have problems concentrating to conversations that truly seemed meaningless to me lost in my grief. I didn't identify it as anger back then, but I do now. I had a fog surrounding me that was so intense it consumed me. I was always a caring person, but not during that time. It's not uncommon to be lost in our grief.

As the fog lifts the pain changes and we begin to reenter the world again. I dislike the word "process" but it truly is a process of healing a broken heart. Sharon

All that you are describing I experienced after Sharry died. Focusing on the details of day to day existence is difficult when they have lost significance to us, compared to having our hearts ripped from our chests. The insecurity we feel is manifested in so many ways. For me it was worrying about how I was going to do all the things that Sharry did so well, and I had little experience with. All the life changes we go through in a split second. All the new responsibilities added, and we must adapt to them all while we are at our weakest, and at the saddest possible moment in our lives. I think as we move forward, we can be sure that our strength has been tested in an extreme measure that very few will ever understand. All of us will make it through together. The pain eventually gives us our strength. It has given me a perspective of life that has made such a difference in knowing what is important, and what is only distracting me from it. My prayers go out to all at this difficult early stage of grief. Know that it will get better. I promise you it will. Hugs to you all,
Robert

I am just over 6 years now, but, I remember well all the things I would forget. I would leave the house for a walk at 2AM when I couldn't sleep and come back to find that I never even closed the house door, much less locked it. I had to put post-it notes over the light switches in each room so that I could write down what it was I needed to do/buy/etc. as I thought about it. Otherwise I wouldn't remember. I had to go to a locksmith and have several copies of all my keys made because & was always losing them. And those are just a few examples. I'm much better now, but I find that I still retain a touch of that forgetfulness.

Oh, yeah. I keep a notepad with me, listing everything I have to do, on a daily/weekly basis. Still, sometimes the synapses just don't fire, lol. Whatever. I don't mean to make light of this, Silverfox - For a long while, the movie reel constantly turning in my head made it hard to actually hear what people were saying. I just didn't care all that much. I was too concentrated on what what going on in my own head. It does get better, but a lot of thought has gone into this, let me tell you. Hugs, Marsha

I had forgotten to turn off the drip sprinkler and flooded my side garden for several days and we are in a drought. I would think of what to do but when I had time to do it and forgot what they were. I go to work to keep busy but finding myself not liking the new job I was put into. Constantly being bombarded with e-mail to do this and do that with a very short time limit. I know I can manage the job but I saw how the co-workers are stressed out, worked till mid night to close the month or to get data in on time. They worked till 8 or 9pm not being able to have dinner with family. I am refusing to take on that abuse describe by my co-workers as "nicely expected" by the upper management. I don't envy them and I don't want to merged into their group or the company. All these added to the stress of losing a spouse made me want to forget about the life I am in. Just venting. By the way, thank you for all your replies. DS friends here have been so supportive and very much appreciated. You all have so much wisdom and kindness. Thank you.

It's a common problem. You can decrease your forgetfulness by staying hydrated - drink a lot of water - dehydration creates foggy thinking. The high stress levels wipe out the B vitamins in your system, too, and those are necessary for good brain function, good sleep, and for memory. Try taking a multivitamin every day, and if it continues consider addition B-complex vitamins. Just don't take your B-vitamins late a night; mine made me too wakeful if I took them late. I find easier to stomach if I take my vitamins with lunch. Just a thought...

I took notes for everything, and used my calendar to remember to pay bills and such. I had never had to do that before, but it became very necessary after Cliff died. I knew I was in trouble the day I came home with two bottles of olive oil I got on a 'buy one-get one free' sale, not remembering I had already done that - twice! 6 bottles of olive oil took awhile to get through! LOL! That scared the heck out of my sons, and they worried I was losing it. That was when I knew I had to take control of it and use whatever tricks and tools I could to keep things going.

Hope this helps...

Love and Hugs,
Martha