I think making small changes may help you move forward. It will take time though. I am at one year mark and have not made any changes in the house. Now I am taking a huge step forward. I am building a tiny house and can't wait to do all the decorating with my existing furniture and painting etc. I think I will feel better at the new "hut" bringing with me all of our memories.

Painting a room is not a really enormous change although it may be for you. You should do what you feel is most beneficiary to you. Memories will still be with you.

I am taking a much more drastic step. I am in the process of selling my house and will move to a new abode in time. I am not moving away from the area I live in at present but after a long deliberation with myself, I know I cannot physically maintain our present house and very large garden. Our house is a very old house and it always needs something doing. I cannot do it, plus the fact that economically it is not viable for me to maintain a house where I occupy less than half the rooms.

I will move on but I am sure my husband would understand and he will follow me to my smaller abode. My daughters also feel I am doing the right thing because, as they both live far away they understand the pressure I was under to maintain such a large house. My memories of him will come with me.

Sammantha, just do what you feel is best for you. No one else is in your shoes. You are.

All the best. Big hug. Viviane

Samantha,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I am at a little over 7 months, and that was my first thought, paint my bedroom but I still haven't done it b/c I"m not really sure what color or what I want to keep or change. But I sit in there every night before bed for at least an hour either reading or watching tv and I'm ok with it. That's where we shared so much, conversation, laughs, and sometimes it makes me happy and sometimes sad.
If you think you'd like it different, do it....I just still can't decide. But if your unsure, take your time.

Only you can make that call. If your wanting a little change I say go for it. No matter what you do, you'll have the memories. I had to make a major change 6 months after my husband passed and sell the home I was in and move back to the house we rented. So to get it back in order.
Papagena before I moved I took a video cam and recorded the inside of the house. My husband and I did all the remodeling in it, so I thought I would take the memories of the house with me. Not that I wouldn't always have them. I don't think your doing the wrong thing of selling....Sometimes we have no choice in the matter...

I made a few changes in my home within the first year. I bought a new living room suite which we had planned anyway. I put new handles on my kitchen cabinets to spruce it up and I bought a new quilt for our bed.

I think painting is a good idea. My house doesn't need painting, but if it did I wouldn't consider that a major change. My changes were very helpful to me during that first year.

Nessie from KY

Sammantha,
I'm so sorry for your loss and your aloneness in your room. I can understand your feelings. People tell you all kinds of things that may help lessen your sadness. Only you can decide what you want to do. What worked for one may not work for you.

Painting a room is a good activity, but I wouldn't do it in hopes of it changing much in your thinking and sadness. Change it only if you want to see it a different color. In other words, change the color if you think it might be more like YOU instead of life it was for the two of you. For example, I wouldn't paint my room orange when he was still alive, but after his death if I liked orange, I would paint it orange. It needs to match what you like. I changed a few things at my house and it did lift my spirits, but I didn't do it because people told me to, I changed it because I found the motivation inside myself. Good luck on whatever you decide!!

Only you can answer that- but if it was me, I wouldn't- for a few reasons.
1. You wrote 'moving on' - and I was pleased ot see silverfox answered with 'moving forward'. I've been contemplating the difference a lot lately. I don't know if i read the difference here, or came to it on my own-- but moving forward, to me, is a lot more positive than 'moving on'.
2. I don't make any decisions on days that memories make me cry. I'm only 90 days into this journey myself, but there are days that every time I think of Kathy, I see her smiling strength and she makes me smile. Those are the days 'we' decide what will be the best way to move forward.
3. I could do something like cook a meal or two with that energy. [or take the dog kayaking]

Jim

Samantha, you need to do what every makes you feel better. Right now our worlds are upside down and we have to hang on the best we can.

I have found that I needed to make small changes to trick my mind and eye....especially in the bedroom. That was the one room that was totally ours and it just hurt so much to see it the same...but not the same because he wasn't there. So I bought new drapes and bedspread and did it in very small steps over the last month. I cried as I did it and asked him to understand and I could almost hear him whispering to me "it's ok, don't cry, I understand". So now it's a mixture of mostly old and some new. And nothing can ever remove the wonderful memories.

I am a little over 7 months into this nightmare and doing every thing in my power to survive it. I don't want this monster grief to be the center of my world...to control me and crush me. So This little bit of decorating is my way of fighting back...letting it know that I will survive and honor my husband by winning through grief.
Blessings,
Sharon

I'd say change it. Make it your own. I changed curtains & comforter in my bedroom to suit me. I may paint soon too. I think it will help with the memories. Move furniture around too.

I have made a few subtle changes to things. But what I did change, or I removed is all the reminders of bad times. Removing a mirror from one of the walls seemed to help me a lot. May not sound like too much of a change, but it removed a part of the bad memories that I would see every day as a reminder. So yes, perhaps if you feel you need to change the color of your room then do it. It is what you want that is important.

get youhttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-KPGh3wysw&feature=player_detailpager tissues

Yes, painting is the easiest way to change & bring a new mood into the space. Since you are thinking about it, you are probably ready to do it. S if are physically fit for doing it, go for it.

I have just finished the weekend project painting my bedroom walls, and i am so glad I did. Besides the therapeutic effect of rolling the brush, it also empowering and encouraging.

Besides, my friends and my family also glad to see me taking a charge of my life. When I am undertaking something a project like that, I mention about it to my friends without any expectation, but they encourage me, ask and they can stop by to visit and to help.
And no matter how small of big their help is. we all feel good.
Instead of a just work, it makes it fun and positive experience -they feel good finding actual the way , and i feel good that having their support.

I was doing most of the work, of course, but the anticipation of actual change made it doable. Seeing the result made it all worthwhile.
Good luck.

Hi Samantha, Making changes for me is a slow, but sometimes bursty, project. I am at the one year mark, and have made some fairly large changes, some that would infuriate my wife actually. Like a big TV in the living room - we watched TV in our bedroom, mostly hiding from the kids - well, we called them kids, but they are in their 20's.

I tried making a really large change, and regretted it. I put a music studio in the living room, drumset and all, and really regretted it. It's gone now.

But, just recently took down the hanging jewelry racks. I know now that I can't rush any of this. It takes as long as it takes. Some things may never change.

I wish you the all the best.

Thank you for all of your advice I will probably make changes later on down the road. I have done a lot of small changes. There was a huge picture up of my husbands grandparents. I got some roomates in and the three of us agreed that picture makes creeps us out so now the picture is in the garage. I have roomates because we have 6 dogs and 5 cats. So they agreed to help me with them. I could not afford to move even if I wanted too. This house has no mortage and the taxes are resonable and home ownership insurance is reasonable too. I am thinking of adopting a boy my husband and I always wanted a son.

I am completing the kitchen remodel we planned together. It is very difficult to camp out in my own home while things are done, but it is going to be beautiful. I made a few changes and the rest we decided together. It was time as our home is 30 years old. I may move some day and it would help with the resell value. I am staying in the home we loved for now. It has kept my mind busy, but ready for the workers to be OUT!