Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

3,758 Members

19,465 Posts

0 Online

shewearsblack17 04/28/2018

Late tonight I went to the store to pick up a few items. The store was pretty empty, but there was this one man in front of me in the checkout who reminded me of my LH. He was tall - and he was skeletal. It was obvious that he had cancer; I just knew. I can't for the life of me figure out how he was able to shop (especially by himself) or to even function. Most of what he bought was organic, and I wanted to tell him not to bother with all that because it was futile whenever we tried it. His bill came to almost $180; he had to put a few items back. The cashier simply mouthed, "Wow!" I was able to hold my tears at bay till I got out the exit door, and then I totally lost it. I was trying to imagine this man going home and trying to cook for himself. I keep getting all these emails about how everything causes cancer now, and I don't even read them. I can't. I better take two melatonins tonight; I didn't sleep well last night either. I don't know when things will get back to any kind of supposed normal.

Msbklyn 04/28/2018

I completely understand being in that situation. Sometimes I still ocassionally am overcome and cannot hold back the tears. At 2 1/2 years I don't have too many meltdowns, especially in public, I can only recall one bad one in the past few months. Things will get a bit easier or shall I say you just seem to cope better with time. Wishing you peace and sleep. Marybeth

lovesloons 04/28/2018

I still have meltdowns after 8 yrs, not too often but bam out of the blue I will have a major meltdown. How can it be avoided, we endured great loss, put on a brave face, stay strong but a cancer memory such as that man, how we turned ourselves inside out with try this, do this, don't do that, organic, distilled water, prayer, radiation, chemo, and nothing worked. In a flash it comes flooding back......meltdown. I like to think the tears are a release of grief and are healing. You showed great empathy for that man, you must have a very kind heart. Hope you slept well.

regwin 04/28/2018

It was kind of you to take his illness to heart. When we go out to shop or anywhere there are always people and situations that make us stop and think and feel.
Compassion is a beautiful quality. Hugs, Dolores

shewearsblack17 04/28/2018

You just can't process all the "information" that gets thrown at you, fast enough. I was trying to prepare organic food and all the above - except surgeries instead of chemo. Ty Bollinger can take a hike; I think he is in it for the money. Bill Anderson even passed. The truth about cancer is that it snatches away our loved ones! Yes, I'm feeling a bit angry this morning. Plus feeling tired and overwhelmed at all the things i have to do with no help. i think I will just hire Two Men and a Truck to clear out my storage unit and take it from my savings. When I run out of funds, it's time to move.

KittyKai 04/28/2018

Did you try and make conversation with the man? I have had a few interesting chats with people in the grocery line. It beats coming home to a lonely house!

I will be 85 in August, I don't do "organic", why bother? I have lived this long without it! I did purchase a very, very nice steamer from Amazon awhile back that has proven to be fun and a challenge! You can steam up to 4 ARTICHOKES at once, standing them upright. Artichokes are my comfort food, always have been. I melt some real butter, add a little lemon juice and garlic salt and dip away!

I eat alot of cottage cheese and fresh fruit. I like CANNED pink grapefruit, the kind that comes in large plastic containers from the fridge in the grocery store. Very good and it keeps my tummy nice and flat!

KK

shewearsblack17 04/28/2018

No, I did not try to make conversation with the man. It was kind of like a moment frozen in time. It seemed that it was all he could do to focus on writing out his check and then bagging everything up. I wouldn't have known what to say to someone like that. He looked like a walking corpse.

I like artichokes too, but I no longer have a steamer. Well, a stove top contraption. I might try that canned pink grapefruit - if it will flatten tummies! I didn't say that, did I?

Coldbiker 04/28/2018

Cancer sucks, you’re words I’m living them now. End of January out of the blue I found out I have somewhat aggressive cancer. No symptoms just found during annual physical. Having a ring side seat with my wife’s 10 year ride I’m not sure what I’m going to do. She survived 5 years longer than expected because of a strict organic and supplement routine. But those 5 years were difficult, painful and robbed her of dignity. I’m 68 alone no family so I don’t have to think about anyone else.

shewearsblack17 04/28/2018

Coldbiker, words fail me here. I suppose if a person starts on the organic diet and supplements early enough, they can be beneficial. The problem I had was that I was the Lone Ranger pretty much as his caregiver. I had a lot of spectators but not a lot of help and support. Were you the one who cooked the organic meals? Maybe you can get back to that. It's just that by itself I don't know that it works. We didn't have much money either, so that was a factor. I have a box full of cancer books and also bought cancer cookbooks, did juicing, you name it. I was like a mad juggler. What are your doctors suggesting, if I can ask? Please keep us updated, and try to fight this. Let us be your family.

shewearsblack17 04/30/2018

KK, I found those plastic containers of pink grapefruit today. It is cheaper to buy the large 64 oz. jug than the individual servings. The only way I like cottage cheese is with a green salad and not with fruit. Is cottage cheese healthy? Or not? Anyway, no walking corpses shopping today that I noticed. I need to lose about 5 or 6 inches and then buy some new clothes. I should be out walking, but I am procrastinating. However, I am gaining a little ground.

Join the Conversation