I've been reading your posts about not being able to sleep and haven't written a reply until now. Many of us have difficulty sleeping, you just can't shut off your brain and you get into a cycle of being so tired, too tired to sleep, it makes you crazy. I have found that it isn't really sleeping pills or the likes that help but an anti anxiety med. I would suggest you talk to someone and ask for that type of help, not sleeping pills. They are hesitant to prescribe them to us "fragile" types. I hope you things get better for you.

Your not being punished any more than me for not coming home earlier from work *that day*

Stop blaming yourself.. And no..that's not easy to say.. I saved my wife one year when i found her collapsed..but i wasn't home in time this time. I get sad and Blame myself sometimes.. It's not our fault.

Get it out.. Talk to us..talk to a professional.. Anyone..but get it out of your head.. We are all here for you.. You didn't do anything wrong..and I've suggested it up here before.. Hire decluttering people to help if you need.. I needed too.. I avoided as long as i could.. And everyday i walked by her craft room and saw her birthday present sitting there waiting to be used i died a little more. I had to clear the stuff out.. It was hurting too much.. It might help you as well..

Feels like punishment I know. I'm familiar with the guilt, maybe I could have done better. Having said that, I don't think you are being punished, and please don't punish yourself. I use melatonin to make me drowsy, and benedryl works too sometimes. You need sleep to maintain good health. Chris

I have had the same experience as you. This went on for nearly three years. It was difficult to work and concentrate. After a yearly check up, my doctor prescribed two depression meds. She knew my situation very well, and we had talked about this in previous yearly visits. She has experience with loss herself. The depression meds did not help the sleep. I tried having a glass of wine before bed, practice good "sleep hygiene" and that did not really work either. After the next yearly checkup with my doctor, she prescribed an anti anxiety med. I take half a tab and sleep much better. Sometimes symptoms can also be worsened by menopause. That has to be ruled out/considered by a physician. Also, the meds do not shut grief off, but can help you cope and function a bit better. The bottom line is see a physician.

The first year, quite honestly, everything feels like punishment. Sleep is a hard one. The only way I got any was to work myself to the bone, and exercise on top of that. Then I would get about 2 hours, wake up for a couple hours, and then get two to three hours more. My pattern was bed at midnight. Wake up at 2:15, the time I found my husband on the stairs, stay awake until 4:30, usually crying, fall asleep wake up around 7. Endless round, it was horrible and lasted for about a year. All I can say, is I am so sorry, medication didn't help me either.

Hugs,
Val

Just wondering, could you be caught in a cycle of being so anxious about falling asleep that it's keeping you awake? I truly believe that the best thing for you would be to talk with a doctor. Perhaps a sleep study would help. Don't keep struggling, get professional advice. Sharon

Amy, I can so relate about lack of sleep. I think we are just punishing ourselves. My husband didn't pass from a terrible accident, his was diabetes and all the complications that came with it. I keep thinking had I monitored this or done that etc. etc. But I know I did the very best I could as you did. I don't think there is an answer as to the why. At least not yet. My mind is obviously not working well at this time. Just befuddled. Though I can say it is getting slightly better to cope. If we could just shut it off, wouldn't that be wonderful? Hugs to you and hang in there. We are all here for you! Michele

My sleep was a mess at first. It was as bad as when my boys were newborn babies - awake every couple of hours, not able to get back to sleep, etc.

I agree with the others - you need to discuss with your doctor. Also, please do not take the Tylenol 3's that way - that can damage your liver and that is not what they are designed to do. Some people do get wired/speedy on codeine, and sometimes it has a boomerang affect - i.e., drowsy and sleep but then wake up WIDE awake. This may be what's happening for you. Our tolerances to drugs changes over the years, too, so your previous experiences may be different from how it affects you now. Please remember, either way, that Tylenol (acetaminophen in the US and called paracetomol in Europe) in above normal quanity can kill you as it damages the liver. In Europe you can't even buy more than 32 tabs at a time - it's restricted because there is a danger.

There are other remedies you can try until you get in to see your doctor. Chamomile tea is one - it relaxes you so you can sleep and won't make you groggy the next day. You'll find it in the herbal tea section of the supermarket - Celestial Seasonings called theirs "Sleepy Tyme Tea" or something like that. It helped me sometimes - drink a cup an hour before bed, and do something like read until you drop off. Don't try to do anything strenuous or do any problem-solving or surf the net - that will keep you amped up.

Benedryl works for most people. I'm really sensitive to it so I used the kid's dose which is half strength. The generic is just as good as the brand name - the ingredient is called diphenhydramine and it's what they put in regular Nytol and Sominex and Tylenol PMs.

There are herbal versions of the sleep concoctions, but some of the herbs used can interact with other medications so you have to be kind of careful and read the labels or talk to the pharmacist.

The addition of vitamin B12, taken earlier in the day, may also make a difference in the quality and quantity of your sleep. It's one of the "stress vitamins" and we're reliant upon it for good sleep, among other things. Grieving wipes out lots of the nutrients and it has a knock on effect, and contributes to bad sleep, emotional fragility, fuzzy thinking, and sheer exhaustion. I learned these things the hard way.....

Not even Superman could have prevented what happened that day. Please don't blame yourself. If it is a punishment, it is a punishment you are giving yourself, so please don't.

Love and Big Hugs,
Martha

Have tried reading. I mean a good book that keeps you going til the end. That is what helped me. I got into J A Jance mystery books light easy to read but kept me going. Soon I was tired enough I would sleep. And find a series of books that you have to get book 1 to book whatever...

You do need to see a dr as lack of sleep can be very unhealthy for you in the long run. I am so sorry you feel you are being punished...trust me you are not!!!!

I think you have the right idea. I've learned that on the nights I forced myself to sleep, I don't and then I get angry because I can't so I wake up exhausted and frustrated and sad and angry and every other emotion you can fit in. But by doing things and staying awake, when I finally did crash even if for a couple hours, I woke up much more emotionally balanced. More ready to face the day. After over a year, I accept that I am a night owl and I've learned that I really enjoy that late night quiet time where the rest of the world is asleep and nobody can bother me. I embrace "my" time now and it has allowed me to finally process all that has happened without distraction. I feel now that I can finally breathe again without reminding myself to do so. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself. Just try to remember that one day, it won't hurt so bad. You will survive this.