dearest silverfox...your post hit home. The week following my husbands death his beloved bassboat was taken away to be sold. He lived for his fishing his whole life. The only pictures that I have from a very young age on are of him fishing or holding a fish he caught. Then the tackle was gone through and sold off, his treasures. What is left I need to put on ebay. It is hard enough to go through his clothing and everyday items but his possessions that he loved, each piece is a little more of him leaving. I never will sell the pick up he died in, some things just can't leave..so sorry we have to do these things...

Some peoples lithe offhand comments can really hurt. Yeah they are just things... but they are HIS things.

If those people knew the strength it took to walk past a pair of boots just like the ones you bought your loved one, without crying, because they reminded you how much that person lit up when they got them, they would never open their unknowing mouths.

Just things? Yeah..memories..

Oh my, I know we can all relate to the "material things." There are so many things, from the big to the small that I just can't part with yet because he liked them or used them or touched them. Karen

For me it's really important to keep things that my husband used because they help me remember more detail about particular days, or times, or things we said or did. It's like they are making it possible for me to really feel that his spirit is still here, with all its nuances. They are not just "things" if the person you loved most in the world used them. Yes, in a way I'm keeping my own personal museum of artifacts because they are that important to me. I know Roy is not here, but his things are a tangible reminder of who he was, and I want those reminders with me forever.

Material things are important after this loss, or were for me. They were the special reminder he existed. As time passes I was able to slowly let go of some of them, but it's a personal decision. Some things are imp to keep. Memories become the most important things we cherish. Sharon

Silver fox ...this post hit me too....I never really gave a crap about material things before....and really I still don't....when my husband passed it was not hard for me to send out his clothes...most he didn't like ..it was about his Harley T shirts...still have them...he loved tools and electronics and any fricken gadget he could get....and above al his motorcycle...It took me 20 months to have it removed from the garage...I did not realize at the time how it was affecting me ..every day I would park next to it ..like a giant shrine....the entire garage is like that....I knew I did not want to see it leave ...so I was not there at the time but I was not prepared at all for my reaction to it being gone when I saw the space empty for the first time...Honestly I think I cried harder and way deeper than when he passed....ugh I don't even like to write about it...but I do know that the shock of it being gone has been easier to get over than getting over the fact that he himself is gone....and the removal of it has really been helpful to my journey forward....one day at a time...one day....

Morey was a "collector" he had so much "stuff" everywhere. In the 22 months since he's gone, I'm slowly disposing of some of the stuff that was just sitting or laying around collecting dust.

On his hikes and walks around the neighborhood he would ALWAYS come home with something else that he found - For over 40 years he'd been like this.....Can you imagine his collection. I'm putting a dent in his piles that's for sure.

I have lots more to do because with his stuff here, he's still here. When it's ALL GONE, I know the reality will set in......He's gone too!

He's a part of everything in our home. EVERYTHING has his fingerprints on it!!!!

Roz

Big sigh with you . . . I've been forced to sell some of hubby's things to pay the bills while waiting for probate to be finished. However, I have hung onto sentimental things such as his first golf club set and his last hybrids, his cigar humidors, most of his clothing (although packed now, thanks for my neighbor's help) . . . the office is still his mostly, the golf room, still remains a shrine. Master bedroom changed up . . but I don't sleep there. I have my own room. Materialism is one thing . . I've gone through what I have called my anti-materialism phases in life; memories are quite differing and hard to let go of. I guess we all let go in our own time and at our own pace. Your "friend" who quoted "it's only things" probably wasn't associating the memories of said things. I can get her point of view (although I wouldn't have been so crass to say that to a grieving widow) . . after Jim's passing, I simply look around and wonder WHY did he have a need for the materialism of this world, as if he could take it with him. I'm now forced to deal, sell or live with the memories. It's awful . . . to live in a morgue of his memorials. One day I want it all gone and the next day I cling to what's left. No easy answers, simply a process. Big hug to you. xo, Dayna

I'm slowly cleaning out my husbands items...and as I go along I am cleaning out mine as well. Stuff I haven't used in years. Just want to make it easier when I'm gone for the kids..

It is hard and we all need time to take a breath and remember what we had. The things hold memories that I cherish but they also held me down in a certain way, anchored to the past. When I was ruthless and started letting things go I found out that I found out which items held real meaning and which items held me back in my grief journey. It is hitting that balance which is hard, moving forward while holding on to memories. Not an easy balance and one that most people outside our group don't understand.
Hugs,
Val

I have not let go of anything yet. I know I need to at some point but I am not ready. All his stuff makes me feel overwhelmed. For now I have decided it was here when he was alive so it won't hurt to let it be for now. When the time comes, i don't know the value or how to sell it. It all meant so much too him, I pray for guidance. I feel like if we had known (unexpected death) he would have told me his preferences. I am just trying to survive one day at a time.

I had to get rid of Lou's stuff when he died 2 years ago. I moved into a different apartment. Now this summer I am moving again. I will have to get rid of the rest of his stuff. It is hard. They don't take their stuff with them when they die and we are left with the memories. I is different for every one of us, how we deal with it. We also at some point need to let the things go so we can move on. No mater how hard it is, we still need to keep moving forward.

Wonderful reflections and great experiences.......thanks guys for sharing them.

It should be that when we die, our "stuff" evaporates. My kids are going to wish that were true!

I must start thinning out my stuff or my children will be on here telling you all the stories of how they had to clean-up from their mother's collections.

One thing my kids will appreciate, I don't collect "junk!" I collect Llardo figurines; bride dolls; beanie babies; colored crystal dishes and jewelry. I have earrings/bracelets/pins and rings from all our travels and enough for three women. And, guess what, I'm continuing to work so you can expect more to be collected......I still have a few good years in me!!! Please don't yell at me! It's all kept very neatly and you can freely walk through my home!

I'm not bragging, I'm just purging and I do feel so much better!!!!

If we ever meet, I'm happy to share anything with you!

Love,
Roz

Funny we spend our lives collecting "stuff" things we like, love and have meaning to us. When we die it again turns back to just "stuff"..