Pictures from that would be the worst! I hope your friend realizes how difficult that would be for you. I'm thinking Valentine's Day is gonna be hell too! Ha! Just about anything can be anymore!

For me to even view the ocean would induce an ocean of tears. That was where he officially proposed to me and also near to where we spent part of our honeymoon. I had a ton of "relaxation" music - ocean waves, the sea, etc. I can't bear to listen to them, so I am donating them. They creep me out.

I agree with MET, it might be a good idea to give your friend a heads-up so that she doesn't send you photos. I'm sorry that this is another loss, in a way. Sending you hugs...

She said she wouldn't, and was very nice about it.

This big subject confounds me greatly. Congregational leaders design many things for couples' activities etc, but nothing for widows & widowers.
We ALL vowed "Till death do us part". but after death does part us: No congregational shared activities or anything for us.
It is like leprosy. So we don't just experience one death, but many.
It hurts.
In my small town, there is NO "talk about which couples are no longer there". I don't know about yours, but suspect that shoving this out of their minds is the norm. not the exception. The same thing happened to a friend whose husband divorced her during his adultery.
I am sorry you are facing this additional grief, shewearsblack17 . Will pray for you.
I wonder if we need to speak up about this ignored issue. I don't mean in the beginning, like you...that is way too horrible.
There were times when I had to force myself not to walk out because it hurt so bad sitting t here, That would be like trying to walk away from a fish-hook which had been cast into my face! even more of a wreck.
All my best to you.
Barb.

AfterMom, I am glad you brought this up. I wonder why my church doesn't have a group or activities JUST for the mature singles - widowed and divorced and even "never married," since we have several of those. The youth seem to have something going on all the time! Of course the women outnumber the men like 9 - 3, and these men are old boys (which I mean respectfully), Still, it would be a starting point, and when new ones come in, we would know their status. Or even two or three churches could get together and have an event once or twice a year. We suffer in silence...

Honestly, if it wasn't widows/widowers and that subject matter, I would not go. "Singles" groups are like bloody waters full of sharks. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SINGLE as an adult. I have NO interest for a single-type relationship with a man OR happy La-la mingling. LOL I am far too F'ed up by loss. (although I do have nice times. sometimes :)
The thing that scares me is, I don't know HOW to DO this at all.
A man showed interest in me as "a friend".
Yeah.
Right.
That was a crock of sh*t. It confused me all to hell.
I'll tell ya how to scare men away: just keep talking about your husband, and how you are messed up by being widowed.
That'll separate the men from the boys.
The only HOPE for a true friendship would be with a widower. (for me).
That's the only kind of conversation I'm compatible with right now.
I am really sorry to rain on this subject, but am brutally honest.
Churches stay away from singles groups because the norm nowadays is EVERY one to be hopping in bed with each other. Then swap partners. and not even same-sex friendships are safe. I have been "hit on" by a woman. That is just the way things are.
I know that I was unclear, I wasn't talking about singles groups. I was talking about widows. and maybe other "disenfranchised" (a foul political term, but it does apply) people who did not choose to become single).
In fact, the very purpose of regular singles groups would alienate me.
I am not there. That is the agony: I don't FEEL single. I still wear my ring. Can't even take it off without feeling as though it is a statement of availability.
OK, now I probably blew you out of the water.
I want a widows group which deals with some sh*t. not one which avoids all realities. This is not fun yet. and god help the sharks with ulterior motives.
Yeah, that's what I want: something like an AA for widows. where we can be REAL with each other. Ya know?
Sorry for coming unglued. It's how I feel.

"When I'm old, I shall wear purple." There's a poem to go along. I wear purple occasionally, but I always wonder if people think I am old when I do. Today about all I could think of is how nice it would be to move back home, but again, even my siblings have their spouses. At least a group such as this would give us a chance to practice our social skills. I don't really know how to hold a decent conversation with a man these days. The other day one of our widowers came into a store where my friend and I were shopping. He's nice, but I worry that if I say too much it would be misleading to him. Right now I feel like I am either going to have to get out of the house or call someone. The darkness closing in...the quiet...

I don't go out after dark now, if I can help it. LOL.
A chance to "practice social skills", now there's an image.
I might participate lightly, but my heart wouldn't really be in it. Why would I want to practice? That sort of hints at some other longterm goal.
Even the slightest hint of men being "in the market" for women would repel me.
I would attend a female widows group if they dealt with some issues. but niceties for the sake of niceties is just not me at all. Sometimes I can fake it, but only to be cordially sensitive-to-others. I have been through far too much in life to be intrigued by merely going through the motions.

So happy that I read this thread. I attend a church that has 2-3 thousand members. I have wondered why there is not some sort of group for widows, maybe even a bible study. @AfterMom gave me things to think about that had never crossed my mind! You are probably right about the reasons churches don’t have these groups...it would cause a lot of sin, heartache and be totally not what God wants. Now I feel much better that I have barricaded myself in my home and rarely go out. I am perfectly happy by myself, with my memories. I do go to church and to the grocery store. As a widow, we are vulnerable. So I believe that I need to protect myself from situations that might make me do or say things that I would regret later. Thank you ladies! And gentlemen!

The men in my "hypothetical group" are very unattractive, so there would be nothing to worry about. Talking to a man in a supervised group setting does not put me in the lurch, in his bed, or otherwise. I do try to be polite. I honestly don't personally know any men, in my church or without, who are on the prowl. I talk to men on here, and I don't get any bad vibes. Seriously, I think we are off the topic at this point, I'm very tired from doing numbers on the computer, so gnite all. I feel that I am as misunderstood on this forum as I am here in town.

shewearsblack17, I apologize very much to you.
you are right, I took this way off topic. my first intent was just a short comment, not all the digression. I ask your forgiveness.
I TOTALLY understand you about this couples retreat and how painful that is for you. You always went to it with your husband. That has to be real painful,..another loss,, anger is understandable too.
I should have posted a separate discussion!. & am so sorry to have made you feel as misunderstood here as anywhere else. Ouch. I was wrong and self-centered,
I will be praying for you this weekend. for comfort and better responses here.
I've had NO bad vibes from widowers here., my disappointing connection was with a bachelor in real life. I don't know any widowers in real life. Here, we all understand each other in a healthy way. It is refreshing, even if we share sadness, it is very safe and compassionate.
sorry, again.
BIG HUG FOR YOU!

No worries. I was working all evening on figuring out KDP reports. Loose business ends from my LH's book publishing business. It was an accomplishment to learn as much as I did.

I guess I need to be more careful when venting my feelings and thoughts. I am on Hopeful Hearts also, but not many on that board. Still, anyone can read the posts and comments. I may start sharing some of my story on there by bits and pieces. It's not all pretty.