Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Making Changes

FM0528
FM0528
Several months ago I decided that I needed some changes and that we would move closer to my office when our lease was up at the end of the summer. That meant moving out of the school district that we love and away from the area that we love so much. But being closer to work would allow me more time with my son and less time in traffic. But I have begun to rethink that decision this week. I have said for several years that I was very happy with my job and wanted to further myself in my company. I saw myself staying there for years. However things have begun to change rapidly and I'm not very happy with some of the situations that have come up. Which has lead to me thinking that maybe this is not the right position for me. Therefor I am hesitant to move closer because I am not confident I will be with my company for years to come. And the only reason i'd be moving is to be closer to there. It is closer to the city and I'm really not that kind of girl. I'm more of a suburbs kind of girl. The last thing I want to do is move my son again if I change careers.
All this has lead me to really think about what else I could do. I have ADHD which makes many jobs difficult. Sitting at a desk all the time is very difficult for me to do. Then real estate came to mind and I instantly thought why have i not thought of this before. It seems like the perfect position for me. I'd get to be on the go and not sitting at a desk all the time, i'd be able to have a more flexible schedule to be with my son, and the potential to make more money. I mentioned it to my mom and she said she thinks it's the perfect job for me, but being a single mom with one income it doesn't seem like the smartest choice right now but if i can support myself and do it then great. So I think I have made the decision to get my real estate license and continue to work at my current job, then do real estate part time until I can get some money into savings, and once i've done that quit my job and do real estate full time. Something about this just feels like it's what i'm suppose to do. I can't believe I didn't actually think about this earlier in my life.
I feel like these are some pretty drastically different directions than where I thought I was headed a few months, even weeks ago. Did anyone else make changes like this that were so different than what you thought you'd make?
Lelsch
Lelsch
I had several people tell me not to make any changes for 1 year so this is actually a little freeing, that I don't have to do anything. I am a little overwhelmed with the upkeep on house - weeds in particular. My husband, Rick, was 62 and retired when he passed on 4/25. He took care of the house, the 5 pets, the yard, and me - oh how I miss him! I will have to think about possibly hiring someone to help with yard. I may need to downsize but not for a year. I think this is great advice as I was told I may be inclined to do something irrational in my grieving state....good luck!
Rainbow27
Rainbow27
yes, the norm they all keep saying is not to make any changes for one year, if possible. Just hired a gardner since my husband used to take care of all the yard work. I did all through his illness, but decided just too much now. I might downsize in the future, but will stay put for now. I think a retirement community might be a possibility but need to just adjust to live alone again. Not easy.
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
I understand your excitement at the thought of a career in real estate with the positive things it could bring you. You're being very smart not leaving your position at the company you work at. That would be a great plan to pursue. You are forward thinking and that's another great thing.

You just want to remember that doing this won't change the grief you feel about the loss of your husband. Think it through and wishing you well in the decision you make. Sharon
lovehodge
lovehodge
The ides of waiting a year before making changes sounds good. But my opinion is why wait. You have already had the biggest change happen. Your loved one died. Maybe this is an excitement that will help pull you through your grief. At the end of the day it is about your future and providing for your child. This sounds like a resonable change. You are not doing something that will harm your future. And if it doesn't work out, oh well. At least you can say you tried and be a good example to your son to never give up and to never feel like he has to stay stuck in a decision/situation. Good luck! I wish you all the happiness.
jerseydebbie
jerseydebbie
Studying for, and getting your license, would be a good distraction. The mind would be focusing on something else (if it is able to). I have to second Sharon. It will not change the grief.

Smart move to continue with the full time position and dabble in real estate for awhile. Real estate is feast or famine. I don't foresee acquiring a steady income.

I felt like I had to move and give up my home after my husband passed. Couldn't tell you why other than what is referred to as temporary insanity. The brain was telling me I had to do it, while the heart pulled in a different direction. Looking back, I'm glad I did not follow what I thought I was "suppose to do".