Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Rick51 01/12/2018

I have a huge collection which I play periodically. Trouble is, I lose a gallon of water when I play them. I played them every year while on summer vacation with Glenda. They touch a nerve every time, yet I keep repeating this process. I don't know if I'm doing more harm that good by continuuing this practice.

raininseattle 01/12/2018

I thought of this as taking the grief in somewhat controlled doses. In the long term it does more harm than good if you avoid them completely, as this is a reminder of the happier times you had with her. It is a balance, you don't do it so much that you are completely debilitated but enough to invoke that memory.

nebby 01/12/2018

music was our shared passion, after 14 months i can handle small doses. its the songs that drop into your mind in unguarded moments that are the killers

nebby 01/12/2018

15000 songs, i play them on high random shuffle, its like musical russian roulette

Rick51 01/12/2018

And I have at least that many, but not all love songs. Love songs are a category I'm finding tough to handle, but almost compulsively driven to listen to.

nebby 01/12/2018

in the end they all became love songs

shewearsblack17 01/13/2018

I remember the first time I heard "Unchained Melody" in the grocery store after - well, after... I had to leave: it hit me really hard. I have this and others on our "wedding night" CD. I don't play them often because I just can't. Certain songs have certain ways of triggering the tears.

Rick51 01/13/2018

I have that and hundreds more which were played every summer camping/fishing for 30+ years. They are doing me in!

cliffskat 01/13/2018

From our very first date, music was integral to me and Cliff's relationship. I even learned to play bass so I could be his 'sideman' - he was incredibly talented as a guitarist and composer. After he died, I couldn't listen to ANYTHING we shared during our 30 years together. I had to go back to stuff I listened to before I met him - which was tough as I was only 20 when we met - or listen to completely new stuff he had never heard. With the passage of time, it has become easier, but there are a few things that are permanently off limits.

The unexpected songs on the radio meant the radio stayed off. CDs in the car, etc., were how I dealt with that, otherwise I had to pull over and sob. I remember going shopping with my sister, and I was in the fitting room trying something on when the store radio played Bryan Adams' "I Ain't Missing You" and I just completely lost it. I don't even like Bryan Adams! But I was a teary-eyed, snotty-nosed mess.

I regained most stuff slowly. Photographs it was the same for me. Couldn't look at any for months. Others build shrines, that just wasn't for me.

Whatever works for you, works for you.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

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