I have hesitated to post as there has been so much turmoil and the dreaded anniversary dates this month. To begin with, I sent an email to a therapist on New Years Day stating I was suicidal etc. and received a call almost immediately. He got me through to March, but had other plans and terminated his clients, including me, rather abruptly. I searched for weeks and found a therapist that did EMDR therapy. I have posted this before. Well, the night before my 5th session and what would have been my 3rd EMDR session, I received a call from his brother. He was in the hospital and not expected to live. He died this past Monday. I have seen his brother twice and I am going to give it a try, because I can't afford to have nothing at this point. He is a good man with lots of experience both professionally and personally. He wants to do grief therapy and psychoanalysis (not my cup of tea) and also the EMDR. He is not certified in EMDR, but has some training. I have met with him twice, which has been mostly getting to know him. What do I have to lose. Perhaps it is the event of the "blue" moon, but I also, after 3 years received a call from my husband's brother. My PTSD is all about my husband's brothers, daughters, etc. and how they behaved. He said he wanted to apologize. He was not specific, but was going out of town but would be back August 3rd. He did not say what he wanted to apologize for. Personally, I think he is still trying to get something. Will he call me? I will keep ya'all posted. So, August 5th is my dreaded birthday, August 9th is the anny of my husband's brain bleed, August 14th he was dead, August 20th the funeral, August 21st I buried the love of my life, without any support and was dropped off after the burial to begin the past three years of isolation, pain, and loneliness that no human being should have to endure. My heart goes out to all the members of this support group. Only those who have lost their spouse knows the pain that we experience. Thanks for listening. pj