Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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lmj90 07/06/2015

I have no idea where to start, Im sure everyone has heard everything im about to say before so thanks for listening/ reading in advance. I lost my husband of 24 years (marriage) 26 years total relationship in mid october 2014. I hurt so much both physically and mentally. We were high school sweethearts and started life early. It was sudden and very unexpected, Im just not sure where to turn. My friends and family were great in the begining but now have just went on with their daily lives and expect me to do the same. I so can't do that. my entire world is gone. he was my strength and one of the reasons I got up in the morning. I miss the phone calls and hearing how his day is going. We have 2 young adult children and 1 teenager and I have no idea how to help them when i can't help myself. All I can do is cry. I can't talk about it with out crying and my daily acitivites remind me of us. I don't feel safe anymore and I feel a huge void. its only been a few months and I have people telling me to move on and I will find someone else!!! I have no interest in finding anyone else and to me thats disrespectful to the memory of my husband and I don't feel comfortable with that.

gardenheartz 07/06/2015

Hi, I'm new here too. I understand what you're saying, this isn't something you just 'get over' and move on. It's difficult to deal with when your entire life has changed.
Hopefully this site will provide some support to you and give you an outlet to voice your thoughts.
With support, Teresa

dschwartz 07/06/2015

Forget the comments from those that tell you that you need to "move on". It's way too soon. Allow room for your grief and tears, this is healing . . and eventually, you will move on within your own time. You are still fairly new to the grief journey . . and it does take time.

Beyond this, all that you have described is totally normal in grief. Even the fact that you have friends that don't call on a regular basis any more. It's said, but it happens to all of us. We often talk about our address books that change during this time. People seemingly move on and we are left with our respective grief "alone".

Be gentle with self . . do what is right for you in any moment of the day . . sleep, cry, vent, . . share with us here . . for we have all experienced or are experiencing the same with you. We will be here for you and are walking this journey with you.

Hate to say "welcome" . . but please know you are so welcome here with our family of shattered, grieving and healing souls. Hugs, hugs, hugs . . . xo, Dayna

Shrn 07/06/2015

I probably wrote something similar when I lost my husband to lung cancer 8 years ago. High school sweethearts who married and raised 2 adult children also. I moved from my parents home to our home together and being on my own was terrifying. I do understand your pain and emotions. Being here with others who truly understand what I was experiencing was my life line and I hope it can be yours. Sharon

eli525 07/06/2015

I lost my husband 9 months ago after a 3 year battle with cancer. We would have been married 35 years. My friend who lost who husband several years ago told me you just get use to life being different. Sob
so I don't know if it's easier or better, you just adapt. Soon you will be able to think about him and not cry. The other day I actually laughed thinking about how he would be laughing at me trying to get the weed trimmer started. One step @ a time, one day at a time.

lmj90 07/07/2015

Thank you everyone, I think I have found a place i have needed for several months now. I can't seem to get his things ( clothes, and personal things) close enough to me. I miss everything about him every minute of every day, My kids give me comfort but have their own lives too so I try to remember that. I know every one else around me misses my husband too but no one misses him or feels the loss that I do. I hope that doesn't sound selfish. 26 years of life together isn't nearly long enough. I don't know how to exist with out my other half, my strength, my companion.

dschwartz 07/07/2015

I understand everything you have written. Most of us here do as well, if not all. This grief journey is like no other . . and I must say that I am ever so grateful to this forum and site. I give much credit for my sanity that's left in tact to the wonderful members here. It took me nearly eight months to find DSWW (around the Holidays) last year. Up until that time, I simply struggled alone as there were no grief support groups in my area to attend in person. I'm glad you found us also and hope you will find many friends here. Hugs, D

JesusisOurSaviour 07/07/2015

Dear LMJ,
I am so sorry for your loss. I am thankful you found DS for support.
We all understand what you are going through. I know for sure you are in a safe place,here. Come here anytime, you will always be heard,
Supported and encouraged when needed. It is a "haven" where we can all turn to, without being judged.
We care about you, loss of spouse and the grief we have to endure, is one of the most trying experiences we will ever go through,
Love, caring and hugs to you..............Sandra

kgray41 07/07/2015

I am also new to this site and to being a widow! My Bob and I were HS sweethearts also. We had almost 41 years of marriage together! I lost him this January to Leukemia. Every day there are little situations that come up that remind me that he is not here! And not going to be!! And my grief takes a curve, and I hurt all over again. I have tried to find joyful diversions. Soon after he passed, I lost my oldest dog to cancer. Shortly after I lost her, I got a new puppy!! Moogie has been my joyful diversion!! He bounds into my lap and kisses me when I he home! It has been a help. I have 3 dogs now and they are my babies!! God bless you as you go through the process of grieving. You are in my thoughts!

bookdragon 07/08/2015

I am so sorry for your loss. You will move on at your own pace. We have all cried buckets. I miss my husbands phone calls and conversations. Don't worry about about finding someone else. Concentrate on you and your family moving towards a healing place and that happens on day at time. You have come to good place. We are all on the same journey and are willing to listen. Big hug-Patti

hiskim 07/08/2015

I'm sorry for the loss of your love.. This is the place to be to feel cared for and safe to say what ever is on your mind. I wish the best for you. Hugs and love, Kim

joannklingaman 07/08/2015

I too am sorry for your loss. As I have said many times.
You have no idea what it's like losing the love of you life, until
you go through it. I didn't. You & your life is forever changed.

I was blessed with a wonderful husband for 38yrs. Not a day or a moment goes by that I don't think of him. It's like you both were one.
For me, there will be no other in my life.
I know that grief takes you to depths you thought you would never go.Friends & family may not understand your grief, but then maybe how cold they, when you may not understand it yourself.
Take care of yourself....

tigersocks 07/09/2015

I am also new to this group. I am very sorry for your loss. We are in the same boat. I lost my husband for 29 years last February of heart attack. I'm having the hard time coping. Without him and not coming back forever seemed like unreal. I can still see his smiling faces walking towards me. I think we can overcome with this but it takes time although everybody is different. Reading everybody's journey makes me feel I am not alone. Let's stay together in this valley of grief I know we can overcome with this. Hugs and kisses

astro42 07/20/2015

I can relate totally to what you said. My husband and I were together for 27 years and married for 26 of those. My husband also passed away in October 2014. We had a nice, happy life with so many plans for adventures in the future. I feel cheated that we never got to do all the things we wanted to. I have two adult daughters so I am not alone. But it is not the same and I am still so lonely without my best friend to come home to at the end of the day. I cry pretty much every day because I don't want him to be gone from my life. I can't even stomach the thought of having a relationship with anyone else right now. I have zero interest in that. I know that I am not even remotely close to being ready to move on. So just grieve at your own pace, that is all any of us can do.

Coop84 07/20/2015

Hi LMJ! I also am sorry for your loss. Art and I were together for 31 years, married for 25. You have found a place where we all get what you are going through. Without DS and everybody here, I would have lost my marbles!! I also had friends tell me I needed to move on. However, they have no idea what it is like when your other half passes and you are left with a shattered world to put back together. I am at 14 months and I miss Art every single day. Come here often for love and support!!! Hugs. Sue

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