Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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missingt 01/11/2015

At the end of January will be 4 yrs since I lost my husband. First year was very hard,second and third a little better and now for some reason I feel like reality of the lost hit me very hard and I feel anxious, have panic attacks and it feels like my body is just tired of grief and facing life alone. ,i have friends who support me and loving son but somehow I have had very hard time since Christmas! Has anybody who has been longer on the grief journey had similar experience?

marjoe 01/11/2015

misingt - first, I'll say that the anniversaries of the death dates are hard to deal with (for me). And I see that it's such for you, at this time.

I talked with a close friend this morning. She lost her daughter a week before Joe died. She said "you'd think this would get easier...." and I said, really? Why? They're still dead. She chuckled, thank G-d. (Thank G-d, because she gets my gallows humor).

But that's my point. Yes, I feel like you do. It comes and goes. Sometimes I wave the white flag and coast for a while. Because there come times when we realize this is it. They're dead. We've got to do this ourselves. Ack. It changes. Things change. We change. Roll with this, sweetie - Hugs, Marsha

marijapomagaj 01/11/2015

Going on four years of woulda, coulda, shoulda and if only-s and also what if-s has taken a toll. Trying hard to keep the peace and taking one day at a time. It is EXHAUSTING work.

Trusting the past to God's Mercy...the future to His Providence and the present to our Fidelity. Am always taking advantage of Sunday mass 'therapy' ...today being the Baptism of our Lord.

http://www.wordonfire.org/resources/homily/priest-prophet-and-king/914/

Christmas season is over. Back to ordinary time... which for us grieving types will never be ordinary again. God hold us....until we are together again. Praying for strength....with gratitude for all blessings ! including DS :)

(Don't know how people do this w/o God. My Catholic Faith and community sustain me and my family.)

dschwartz 01/11/2015

I don't have a longer experience so cannot comment on your four year grief journey. However, on a differing note, I am very well versed with anxiety and panic since approaching menopause. Just curious, and off topic where you are physiologically in this phase of your life? Menopause can wreck havoc, especially on top of the obvious grief issue. You might want to consult your doc re anti-anxiety and/or other available anti-depressants or SSRI support. Not saying this is a fix all answer, but both have helped me through some of the toughest years of my life.
So sorry for your loss and feeling down right now. Wish I could do or say more . . . just know we as a fam are here with you. xo, Dayna

letmehelpyou 01/12/2015

January 22 will be four years for me. I sort of just gird my loins and prepare for battle. I know its coming and I know it will hit. But I also remind myself, been there, done that, got the T-shirt and the backstage pass. As Marsha says, roll with it; its all we can do.

Hugs,

Valerie

nowjustme 01/12/2015

I would say I have similar feelings. I don't have the panic attacks but just yesterday I felt so washed out from a hard cry I had, I didn't want to do anything after that. I will be a 4 yrs for me in Sept. It doesn't seem to be getting any easier I miss him more the longer he's gone.
I still have the What Now going on, or why bother.
Its a long lonesome road, the trip I never wanted to take but its never ending.
Hugs,
JoAnn

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