Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
My husband passed away at the end of October from a massive stroke at the age of 50. He lived for a week after the stroke, but he never regained consciousness. He had the stroke at work. A coworker called me and told me the paramedics were on their way. I met the ambulance at the hospital. My husband was conscious at that time and I talked to him (although he had massive bleeding on the brain which was causing a lot of swelling and he could barely hear me), but he lost consciousness about 10 minutes later and never came out of it. I have lurked here on occasion since he died but have finally taken the plunge to join this group.
I have 2 teenage boys - ages 13 and 15. I think I immediately went into survival mode as soon as my husband passed away. I knew I needed to take care of the kids. Plus, there were so many things to take care of with the estate, etc... In the weeks after he passed away, I had lots of people calling, stopping by, bringing meals, etc... Then we got into the holidays which was a busy time. Now that all the holiday "buzz" is over, I'm finding myself feeling very lonely and sad. The calls and visits have slowed way down, and even though I knew they would it is still hard.
My 15 year old son seems to be taking this very hard. He has refused to go to school now for 3 weeks. I was so hoping he would go back to school today after the winter break but he wouldn't go. I have been taking him to counseling since he started refusing to go to school. Then I started taking him to a psychiatrist 2 weeks ago to get him on an anti-depressant (which I hate doing but I'm willing to try anything to help him). I'm going to try to get him on homebound instruction where they send a teacher to the house. He won't get any socialization though.
It feels like 1/2 of my heart died when my husband passed away. Now the rest of my heart is breaking seeing how hard this is on my kids (or at least on my older son). As an adult I have developed coping skills over the years but I'm just at a real loss as to how to help my 15 year old son. Thankfully my 13 year old son is doing okay so far.
Thank you so much.
Cathy
I have 2 teenage boys - ages 13 and 15. I think I immediately went into survival mode as soon as my husband passed away. I knew I needed to take care of the kids. Plus, there were so many things to take care of with the estate, etc... In the weeks after he passed away, I had lots of people calling, stopping by, bringing meals, etc... Then we got into the holidays which was a busy time. Now that all the holiday "buzz" is over, I'm finding myself feeling very lonely and sad. The calls and visits have slowed way down, and even though I knew they would it is still hard.
My 15 year old son seems to be taking this very hard. He has refused to go to school now for 3 weeks. I was so hoping he would go back to school today after the winter break but he wouldn't go. I have been taking him to counseling since he started refusing to go to school. Then I started taking him to a psychiatrist 2 weeks ago to get him on an anti-depressant (which I hate doing but I'm willing to try anything to help him). I'm going to try to get him on homebound instruction where they send a teacher to the house. He won't get any socialization though.
It feels like 1/2 of my heart died when my husband passed away. Now the rest of my heart is breaking seeing how hard this is on my kids (or at least on my older son). As an adult I have developed coping skills over the years but I'm just at a real loss as to how to help my 15 year old son. Thankfully my 13 year old son is doing okay so far.
Thank you so much.
Cathy
I am so very sorry for your loss. Your husband was so young, it's so unfair.
You've come to the right place. The people here are very kind and supportive.
My heart is breaking for you and your boys. You're doing the right thing by taking your son for counseling. Many of us adults have sought out a grief support group, a therapist, and/or medication.
I don't have any children at home, but there are others on this site who do. They can tell you their experience with teenagers grieving.
Just take one day at a time, one hour at a time, one minute at a time.
We're here for you.
Hugs,
Janie
I am so sorry for your loss. My heart is saddened for you and your sons. Sandee
I am so sorry for your loss. The reality of our loss is so difficult to face.
You have so much to deal with.
Counselling is good for you son. My children are older, but their grieving still has an effect on them.
You are in a good place here, thank you for joining us.
Thinking of you,
Hugs......Sandra
I honestly feel that because high school itself is such a tenuous time for lots of kids (they are so self-conscious, so much peer pressure is on them to be cool, etc), that dealing with something like this where they feel that all eyes are on them when they go back to school, is a great struggle. My 18 year old took a week and a half off, then he muddled through classes until holiday break, and he went back yesterday when break ended.
But every child is different, and grief is different for everybody. Maybe what your son is worried about, since his dad died so unexpectedly, is that something will happen to you while he's away at school. It's all so scary for them. Maybe the "bereavement" group on this site could help him talk about his feelings? If he could just meet up with someone his age who has gone through the death of a parent, that could really help him.
Something else that helped my 18 year old slightly was he went with me to apply for his Social Security survivor benefits. It was the only positive thing in such a horrible situation, but it gave him a feeling of security knowing he would have money from his Dad, in a way.
When Morey passed our children were grown with children of their own. The Grandchildren were deeply saddened by the loss of their PaPa but have their own parents to fall on. My oldest daughter is taking it the hardest. She lives in Oregon and has come down to stay with me every other month. Something she would have NEVER done before. She sleeps, where Morey slept and finds herself crying all the time.
Every child is different but some are so sensitive to the presence and loss of one of their parents, they can barely survive their loss.
I think it triggers their own vulnerability and the complete and total loss of that parent is just too overwhelming for them! I understand, I felt so abandoned and alone [with 5 brothers and sisters and a mother] when my own father died when I was 35.
Cathy, I think you're doing everything emotionally and physically that a parent can do to get their child past such a devastating loss.
Please take care of you and give yourself the love and attention that you so deserve at this trying time.
Roz
I try to keep in contact with my step children and my step son is having a more difficult time, he's 14. My step daughter is so much like her daddy, she takes things as they come and she deals with it. I'm just afraid she's keeping things in, she doesn't show her emotions much. I worry about them so much because their mom isn't the best role model. There is a reason we had custody. Such a horrible situation and I'm having a difficult time dealing with it.
As many others have said, I would recommend the counseling if he's open to it. I hope things get better for you.
I just never dreamed I'd be a single mom with two teenage boys. I miss my husband so much. I want so desperately to be able to talk to him about these problems with my 15 year old. I talk to other friends and family but my husband had this calm way about him that made everything seem okay.
Thanks again.
Cathy
Sorry for your loss.
Gentle hugs x
I'm sorry you are going through this. Love them and love yourself. That's about all that you can do. It's so unfair.