When I first heard this expression on this site, in connection with grieving, I felt it really applied to me. It really was a loss of innocence for me and I concluded that this loss was totally unrelated to age. I am significantly older than you but I was totally innocent and, before the sudden death of my husband, I would have never believed that I would have been so deeply, devastatingly affected on so many levels.

I know I was lucky to have been with him for over 40 years, not everyone has this chance. I was happy, cosseted, cherished, looked after and shielded from the harsh reality of life. All this is now gone but fortunately for me my strong and independent character took over and I confronted reality head on. Remains that nearly a year ago now I loss my innocence.

I wish you strength and peace.

Thank you squeege for that analogy. I have been looking for words for what how I feel and what I have gone through and have totally been at a loss when trying to describe it. "A loss of innocence" is absolutely a true statement. I too am older then you and have been through some stuff in my life but my husband and I always maintained the "that won't happen to us" posture. We thought it would be him and I forever. We sometimes talked about "when I die" but the conversations were flippant and not truly sincere...like he promised he would haunt me...or that I would become a lonely cat lady.

This is unlike anything I have ever experienced and I do not want to experience again. I have survived that last 3 months but not without some deep revelations. You too will survive and be a wiser person for it.

Loss of innocence as well as loss of ignorance. I used to avoid grievers and everything associated with death. If I could, I 'd wiggle out of any obligation, or anything to do with funerals, memorials. After loosing my close friend to a cancer, I felt the change in me, being courageous enough to actively participate in the preparation of her memorial. Still, it did not hit me directly as the untimely loss of my husband, who was only 45 at the time of his death.
It was a drastic shift in my fundamental perceptions of time, meaning, purpose of life. I became keenly aware about a transilient nature of our time here. I even acted upon this new sobbering knowledge by making arrangements for my future burial. It made me feel good to securie a burial plot next to my husband, to write a will, talk my son about my wishes.
Lost of innocence, perhaps, but I also lost many superficial relationships, activities, and quit wasting my time and efforts proving something about me to other people.
There is something good surfaced in me as a result of my loss, together with innocence, I lost some triviality.

thankyou guys. xx

Comfortablynumb-
your spot on with the flip side of that coin, all my vanity and ego are gone, i see whats important now, unfortunately i would have liked to have learnt this earlier but wouldn't we all

A "loss of innocence" yep! But also a gain of knowledge that we are mortal. What we choose to do with our days here...must count for something. So someday after you have grieved this deep pain to it's palatable existence....do what makes you proud.

Hugs Jewells

i sure like what you said comfortablynumb! I sure lost some superficial relationships and most all superficial activities! I do what is important to me and that is becoming more and more important to me. I have learned much about me. I most certainly would not have chosen this method of learning certainly.

I don't know why the Lord kept me and took my husband. But He knows the plans He has for me. Yes, I have asked the question why? But He is not obligated to answer me. So I have to trust that He has a purpose for my life. Pleast keep trusting that the Lord also has a purpose for you. Praying for all of us.

I don't post on this forum anymore, but there is always an exception.

Part of what resilient people have is a belief that life is worth living. If you lose sight of that, then you probably won't get better.

Some of the best and happiest moments in my life have come after I had a major loss ( teenage daughter died in an auto accident 17 years ago ).

Its like the movie "Its a Wonderful Life", each of us has a possibility to affect the lives of others in a positive way. Life is precious, and we really should not waste our time here.

So my answer to the question that you asked "what the hell are we here for, what was/is the point?" The point is to develop your spiritual nature and mirror forth the attributes of God as best as you can.

I'm sorry if I don't have a lot of sympathy for your view after I have watched dozens of cancer patients fighting with all their might just to stay around for another day.

I have not yet asked myself that question, and I don't think I will. Losing my innocence has not been an issue for me yet. I believe we live our numbered days and that God has a plan for us all. I know that Bob and I helped make each other better people, and that we had a path to travel together. Our journey together is over, and God has yet another plan for me. Maybe it is to take my life experiences and put them to work. I am not sure. I do think that my life will not be wasted. I sure would have loved to have had 25 more years of marriage with him. Was it enough? Absolutely not. I am not going to question that, but I am going to continue my journey alone. That is my path now, and it will not be in vain. I'll make plenty of mistakes, but it will be working toward what ever God's plan is for me.

p.s. I don't know what that plan is yet. I do wish I knew, and yes I am sad. I do know that we will each get better when we are ready to get better. For me, my faith gives me strength, and I get my answers when God is ready to give them. I've had to ask him for strength almost every day, and continue to do so.

I believe our reason for existence is to learn how to love and have a positive affect on all those that we encounter along the way. When Sharry passed suddenly, every interest and activity that I enjoyed prior to her death, became, as you stated, trivial. Even activities that I had so enjoyed since childhood, suddenly became pointless. How could I ever care about any of these, when the love of my life had been ripped away from me? Six months later, as I slowly begin to heal, the interest in many of these activities are gradually reamerging. Sometimes the interest slips away for a short time, when having one of those rough days, but there is a steady, albeit slow climb to re-engagement to life. There is such wisdom in what Comfortablynumb posted about purging the trivial activities from ones life after this happens to us. We see now, with clarity, after we recover sufficiently enough, what matters and what is no longer worth our precious time. Hang on, family, friends, and people you have yet to meet, are counting on you, in ways yet to be revealed. Strength to you friend.
Robert

This is exactly what I was thinking to myself today and pretty much everyday. I am only 24 and I think this feeling is made worse because most of the people in my age group have not experienced this kind of loss. I feel like it's unfair I have to experience this so young and feel like everyone in my life is blissfully unaware of death and doesn't give much thought to our purpose here. I can't imagine the response I'd get if I called my friend up and said let's talk metaphysics or the meaning of life.