Hi Lady,
I am sorry. The nights are bad.Thinking of you and sending hugs. If the weather is good today where you are try & get outside for a bit.
Remember do not think ahead too much. It only makes us sadder...Take 1 day at a time & try & make it a good one.
Take care, Lucy

Stop being so hard on yourself. You have lost your life partner. How can you stay strong when your entire world has been altered?

I don't know how long he has been gone, but I too suffered same as you. I know you won't believe this, nor can you see it at this time, but eventually you will come to a form of acceptance and be able to continue life on your own. Stay with us here on the site, as we care.

I'm at two years into this journey. For me, the worst thoughts I have are about my future. When I feel my mind heading in that direction, I try to do something or think about something else to stop that thought. If I allow myself, I will obsess over my future. I'm to the point where I take things one week at a time rather than one day. For me that is a big step.

Nessie from KY

Dearheart, your husband has only been gone 3 months. Aren't you expecting too much from yourself? Like Debbie said, aren't you being too hard on yourself? We're all trying to be strong, but there are times when we just have to let go. You can't be strong all the time.

I've been a widow for a long time, but I remember the early days like they were just yesterday. My husband died almost 12 years ago. It will be 12 years in March. But it's still so clear -- I don't think it will ever fade away. It was a 2nd marriage for both of us as we both had been in long-term unhappy marriages. We had been together (dating) for about 7 years, but we didn't get married until 2000. He died 12 days before our first anniversary. He REALLY was my soul mate. I never thought I'd meet anyone like him. We used to finish each other's sentences -- we'd think the same things. We were always together. I miss him so.

But, life goes on -- and I don't mean that to sound uncaring but it's true. Life does go on. Our spouses wouldn't want us sitting at home, crying, mourning, grieving, miserable. They'd want us to get out among people/friends and TRY to be happy. Even if it's so difficult it hurts, they'd want us to get OUT of the house and go for coffee with a friend. Anything to just get OUT. It will make us feel better, and help the healing process.

I know what you're going thru -- I really do because I remember exactly how it was for me. If you feel like talking, PLEASE feel free to message me. I'd be happy to talk with you anytime. I'll be around. If you feel the grief is just too much please call a Hospice counselor. They are great, and it doesn't matter if you've used their services or not. Their grief counselors are great. I used them and it did me a lot of good.

I wish you the very best. God bless you and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Your feelings are very understandable. I, too, hate the nights. During the day I can stay busy but at night there is just the darkness and junk on TV. It's hard to read at night because my eyes are so tired already. Listening to music might be something you could do unless the music you select would make you sadder.

I rejoice in the morning light. I thank God that one more day has passed toward the day of reunion with my Joe. Perhaps at night yo u might remind yourself that the night is just temporary and it will pass. Maybe make the nighttime the time to call friends and just chat? How about a pet? Do you have one? Wishing you the very best. Please know that we care.

One wee baby step at a time, my lovely. That is about all you can manage right now - and that is OK.

Thank you, everyone, for all the kind words of encouragement, advise and for just caring. At just a little over 3 months I'm still having a hard time getting my head around the reality of suddenly losing my Bob...and I know that's normal. In the light of day it's a little easier to cope; to avoid the danger zones, especially the "FUTURE". Most night, even though they are hard, I can talk myself out of the "crazies". But last night, not so much...I totally lost it. And it actually grew out of a therapy session where I was told I should use this "new life I am in" as an opportunity to grow and become a new person.
Intellectually, I understand I will become a different person...the old me died the same day my Bob died. But this counselor went on to say that now I could do all the things I never could before. I was hurt and angry at the same time, because In all our years together ..46..my wonderful husband was my biggest cheerleader and with his love and faith in my abilities, I was able to become the woman who piled up a large list of achievements....some as simple as learning to play the harp or as big as running a state wide organization. And for this person to kind of imply that my marriage held me back and just pi**ed me off. I think I need a new therapist.

I have been trying very hard to pick up some of the pieces of my life...I forced myself to use our tickets for the theater and cried all through the play....but I did it. I have gone out to dinner with friends ...and then cried all the way home after seeing all the couples together....but I did it. I really do understand that life goes on around me...it has too. And I have been putitng my self out there And as my grandmother used to say "this too shall pass". So I'll just keep praying for strength and understanding...did a lot of that last night...and keep trying to work through the grief until I come to, as jerseydebbie says, a form of acceptance and build my life from there.
It is, however, a wonderful blessing to know that when the dark side of this grief is winning, when your logical self is out of control, I can come here and feel safe enough to pour out my heart, my sorrow and my fears and I know someone will respond with love and understanding. And as you can see, when I'm stressed, I do not know how to edit my thoughts. Sorry for the long post.
Blessings to you all,
Sharon

I have been all the places you are right now.............and after 3 yrs, am still taking it one day at a time...actually I decided 10 minutes at a time works best****.......................those first months were the hardest...........and the feelings you are feeling do not mean you are not strong....................one thing I did after a month or two was to buy a rercorder and talk to my love.............I remember there was much crying and agony.....have never listened to those hours of recording...............just last week, I bought another one because the first one was filled and I had not a clue how to preserve what I recorded.................started talking again and know I am in a better place mentally now even though the heartache will not go away...........it is more managable.......................L