Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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BandiBlue 01/01/2014

Way back in 2004, after I had suffered a heart attack, I asked Sam "What would you have done if I died?"

When he replied "I would've gone on" ... I pouted like a 12-year-old! I don't know what I expected him to say, but I guess that wasn't it.

He continued by saying "I would have been lonely. My heart would have been irreparably broken, but my life would have gone on."

As I look back at that conversation with greater clarity now, I realize that his words have played a huge part in my ability to endure the pain of his untimely passing. Just as Sam predicted he would be, I am lonely and my heart is broken, but I know my life has to go on.

As we enter this new year, may we all look back fondly at the lives we shared with our loved ones, and may we look ahead to a sense of peace. I wish everyone reading this good health and comfort in 2014.

karatxmo 01/01/2014

what you wrote is beautiful. I was surprised that new years was hard for me since it wasn't anything we ever really celebrated. I think its because I realize that time is going to keep going and I have to keep going without him. I hate the thought of living without him. but we don't get a redo in life. I sure wish we could...I would do anything to have him back...but that cant happen. and I think new years really made me feel that.

sandeestttn 01/01/2014

My husband sad he would have me replaced by the next day, before I was even cold.

sandeestttn 01/01/2014

One year ago tonight, Mike got uncontrollable, getting into oven, and furnace, flooding the house, and ramming his head into the doorframes, removing all his clothes, rolling around in the floors, yelling, fighting me, when I, and my oldest son tried to get him up tried to get his clothes on him. t ted through the night, and most of the next day. January 2nd, my daughter and her husband came, he tackled him down and called the ambulance to take him to a hospital. That was his last night at home. He never returned. Died Feb 11th.

mel40 01/02/2014

New Years was hard for me. I'm glad that you can move on. That's good! I like that your husband and you were able to discuss it.

Cjjalone 01/02/2014

I didn't expect New Year's to be tough either, but I found that it was. We seldom went out or had big plans. But I felt just a calm sadness this year. I think it was as has been said, time is going on without him. A new year - life continues without him. Reaching to find peace and a new way for all of us this year.

deleted_user 01/02/2014

I havent posted in a few days because I didnt have anything positive to say. I got through Thanksgiving, my birthday, our 50th wedding anniversary and Christmas. Then came New Years. It has been tougher than any other holiday. I guess it's because it's a brand new year and a brand new life for all of us and what do we do with it. Who are we without them? I dont know. I just know one day at a time. So thankful for this group.l I read so many encouraging stories and my heart breaks for all of us. My days seem so very long and they are in the winter. Cant get outside much because it is so cold here in Michigan. I am a summer person. Bless you all. Shiloah

mel40 01/02/2014

Well, it's good to read that it wasn't just me to have an unexpectedly hard time with New Years. It's over though, now, we can get in with our lives. Best of luck and blessings in 2014.

dl1959 01/02/2014

New Years was kinda hard. As much as I hated 2013, it was to let go, it means moving forward without him. Plus 2014 means what? I still haven't figured out anything, I'm dreading now the one year anniversary.
I really want spring to get here, I things will get better but not sure how.

I just miss him so bad and I'm lonely for him.

karatxmo 01/02/2014

i would always tell john that i needed him and i didn't know what i would do without him...he hated when i would say that...he would tell me that i would be okay. He was wrong. i am not okay. but i just keep telling myself that he would want me to be okay. he would hate to know how badly i hurt without him. he was so wonderful to me. i was so blessed to be with him for 7 years. i wish it was longer...but from the time i was 19 until i was almost 26 i had such a beautiful husband who believed in me...im trying so hard to be okay for him.

BandiBlue 01/05/2014

I am trying to be okay for Sam, too. He was the type of person who would be so very upset if he thought that he in some way caused his friends and family such pain. So I try to maintain my strength and dignity in a manner that would make him proud.

PS: But some days are harder than others, as everyone here knows.

deleted_user 01/05/2014

Before Richard passed away he told me he was not worried for himself, he was worried because he knew he would not be here for me. I had to tell him right before he passed away that I would be okay and that I love him dearly. I have tried to imagine myself in his place and I can only pray that I would have been as strong as he was. All I can do is continue to trust that God will give me the strength I need to carry on each day!!! God bless each of you as we enter this new Year.

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